Audra takes another deep breath before continuing.
“Yeah, so, anyway … my brother sells corn and deals pot, and I've never held down a job for more than two months, but that's okay considering where we came from. At least, I think so.” I sip my wine slowly, watching as Audra's gaze goes blank again, just like it did at the market. “Remember how my mom left us? I think … she couldn't handle the abuse anymore. My father, he was one of these dark men you're talking about.”
“Filth.” The word comes out in a hiss, startling Audra. I don't even realize I've spoken until it's out there, sitting in the air like a neon sign. Filth. Trash. Garbage. I can already see where this story is going and I don't like it. “He beat her, and he raped you, didn't he?” I don't mean to sound like I'm talking down to Audra. Truly, I feel for her, but the horror of the situation is so commonplace that it makes me sick to my stomach. I can hardly even stand to listen to another recount of it. That might make me selfish, but I've been there, too. I've done that.
“Actually, you know, my dad … he was no fucking pedophile, right? He just made videos of me and my brother … doing things.” Audra pauses and pulls her legs up into the chair, sticking her fingers in her ears. “My mother couldn't stand to watch it happen, so she ran away. She left us … she left us there to deal with that for years.” When Audra starts to rock back and forth, my resolve breaks in half and I drop my wine glass to the table, moving towards her and taking her hands away from her ears.
When my mouth finds hers, I feel guilty because sex has such a horribly negative connotation for us both, but it can also feel good. It's supposed to feel good. I don't have to tell her that my dad touched me, too. That he beat me. That our mothers are both worthless wisps of women who did nothing to protect the most important pieces of their hearts.
Lucas Carter, what on earth are you doing? The beast, the one that didn't surface even when my father kicked open the door to my bedroom, the one that came about only as a corruption of the purest love I've ever felt, he asks me this question that I have no answer to. The only answer I know right now is the sound of Audra's demons howling back at me, writhing around me in a sea of black. Darkness follows darkness, but it can also be burned by light.
Somehow, I get the feeling that I have two choices ahead of me and the decision to follow either or isn't going to be an easy one.
Audra's mouth is hot against mine, burning the edges of my lips as I taste her, diving my tongue in deep. Her moans fill my throat and echo in my chest, making my heart beat faster, filling my cock with blood. My erection explodes from my pants as soon as I part the zipper and put my knees on the edge of the chair. Audra's hand finds me before I can find her pussy, grabbing tight and holding on with a shaking hand that glides along my skin.
We're both so wrapped in darkness that I don't think we realize how much noise we're making, the grunts and moans and whispers of animals. The sounds that I always refuse to make burst from my throat like blood, splattering into the peaceful quiet of a suburban evening.
“I want to see your bedroom,” Audra tells me, and even though the thought makes my insides quiver, I decide to oblige her. And not because she's beautiful or because she has my dick clenched tight in her fingers, not because I feel sorry for her, but because our darkness calls to one another. There's a resonance there that I don't quite understand but that I enjoy far too much to deny. The beast needs sustenance and Audra is offering it freely. What is there to debate?
I gently untangle her fingers from around me and reach my arms beneath her warm body, lifting her off the lawn chair with almost no effort. I am still Lucas Carter, after all.
“Wow. You're not going to slap me? Cuss me out? Slam me into a wall?”
“Don't push your luck,” I whisper, that strangely comforting rumble of anger in my chest.
“You'll tell me your story, won't you, Lucas?” Audra asks, nibbling my ear as I move down the hallway and into the same bedroom I shared with Robbie earlier. No, we didn't have sex, but the emotions are still there, clinging to the sheets like ghosts. I feel a frown caress my face, but then Audra's biting my neck hard. Hard. Harder.
“You feisty little bitch.” I toss Audra onto the bed, enjoying the gentle bounce and sway of her breasts as she comes to a tumbling stop atop the black and white duvet cover. If we're going to do this, really and properly do this, it can't be vanilla. Audra and I are way beyond that.
I slip off my white button up, watching as Audra slips her panties down her legs and kicks them from the bed, the lacy scrap hanging from the end of her high heel like an invitation.