Fiona shook her head at him and turned to Carl. “Come on. Come on, let’s go. You shouldn’t be here.”
“Like fuck I shouldn’t,” Carl said, but he began walking backwards when Fiona pressed her hand against his chest, disappearing from the kitchen and out into the main barroom at the front of the compound.
Fiona turned and nodded at Gage for a second before following her fiancé out into the other room. Once she was out of visible range, Gage heard her yell, “What the fuck? What the fuck were you thinking coming here?” He could tell from her voice that she was absolutely infuriated, but somehow, that didn’t make him feel any better. He didn’t want her upset, even if the target in question was that fuck-wad she called a potential spouse.
Several moments later, after Fiona moved out of hearing distance, Gage finally noticed that Cash was still standing in a corner of the kitchen, his mouth twisted up in a grimace. Gage hadn’t noticed his presence before, but he must have been standing there in the room the whole time, watching the bitter scene unfold.
“Shit, man. That fucking sucks,” Cash said, bending over to get a bottle of whiskey out of one of the lower cabinets before walking over to pour Gage a drink.
“Yeah, I guess that’s fair to say,” Gage said, not looking the other man in the eye as he brought the shot glass up to his lips, downing it in one toss to feel the deep burn of the alcohol rest at the bottom of his stomach. He hadn’t eaten all day, so he knew he was going to feel the effects of the booze sooner rather than later. Good, he thought. I need to be fucked-up. He offered his glass forward so Cash could pour him another round.
“Women, huh?” Cash remarked, filling up another glass with the whiskey so he could perform a toast of commiseration with Gage.
Gage nodded, even though he wasn’t really listening or comprehending Cash’s words. He downed his next shot, suppressing a gag at the thick taste that filled his mouth. “I just can’t fucking win,” he said, talking more to himself than to his friend.
“I know that feeling, buddy,” Cash said. “Here, why don’t you let me fix you up some of my choice meat? I got some recent cuts in, just for the two of us. It’ll take your mind off this shit, I promise you.”
“Sure, whatever,” Gage mumbled, reaching forward to pour himself another shot, trying to get inebriated as quickly as possible.
Cash opened up the refrigerator, pulling out huge chunks of thick red meat and slapping them down into a skillet, frying up the meat on such a high heat setting that smoke wafted up into the air, irritating Gage’s sensitive nose. “Jesus, what kind of meat is that?” he asked, causing Cash to smile and shake his head.
“Secret ingredient,” Cash said. “It’s just steak, but I season it with a special kind of blood. Makes it taste better.”
“Don’t tell me it’s like dog blood or something like that,” Gage said. “Don’t ruin your cooking for me, man.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Cash said with a laugh as he flipped the meat around in the skillet, making sure all sides of it were properly browned.
“I just don’t understand,” Gage said softly, picturing the way Fiona’s face fell, practically falling to pieces under Carl’s criticism. “I mean….that’s not right, actually. I think I do understand. That might be the worst part.”
“What do you mean?” Cash asked over his shoulder, focusing on flipping the meat over and tossing seasoning into the mix for flavor.
“It just makes too much sense,” Gage said, reaching forward to pour himself another shot, even though he was pretty sure he was starting to get a little buzzed off the alcohol already in his system.
“It does?” Cash prompted him after another full minute of silence.
“Yeah,” Gage said, feeling his head grow fuzzy and warm as the booze took greater effect within his body. “She doesn’t want to be who she is. I should have known better. I always thought, well, one day, she’ll be able to accept herself, you know? Really accept herself with everything that happened and know that it’s okay to be her. Because I loved her, just the way she was. I didn’t want to her change. I didn’t want her to deny her past. But this guy…he hates her past as much as she does. He doesn’t want her to be a survivor. He doesn’t want her to continue to be affected by all that shit. He just wants her to move on and leave it all behind, as if that’s fucking possible.” Gage paused to scoff at himself, feeling about as low as he had in over fifteen years, since Abby left him. “No, I guess I wouldn’t know, right? Just because I haven’t been able to fucking heal and get over shit like a man, it doesn’t mean that she can’t. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m just…selfish. Maybe that’s it. I’m just selfish. I’m just fucked-up, and I want her to stay fucked-up so she can be with me, so I don’t have to be alone. How shitty is that?”