Well, too bad, she told herself as she shut the water off and reached for a towel. You don’t get to have what you want. You don’t get to cheat on Carl. You don’t get to be the shitty person that you really are underneath it all.
She tentatively opened the bathroom door to reveal that the bedroom was empty. Gage must have gone out into the living room/kitchen area. Fiona swallowed around the lump in her throat, willing her heart rate to calm down as she slipped into a dress and a pair of leggings. For good measure, she went ahead and put her sweater on as well, wanting to be as fully clothed as possible. She needed to make a statement. She needed to make it clear that she didn’t want him to see her undressed, not anymore, even if that wasn’t exactly the truth.
Fiona stepped out into the living room, keeping her arms crossed to cover up any potential cleavage as she walked towards Gage, who was sitting at the kitchen table with his head bowed.
“So, what the fuck?” Fiona said, choosing to stand off to the side rather than sit at the table across from Gage.
“I know,” Gage said. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you? Are you really? How long were you standing there?” Fiona asked, even though she already knew the answer to that question. She had to make it seem like she hadn’t noticed him until the very last second.
“Just a few seconds,” Gage said, but he sighed deeply when Fiona glared at him, keenly aware that it was a lie. “Okay, like a minute. I stood there for a minute. I’m sorry. I just…I wasn’t thinking. Okay? That’s all it was. I was staring out in space, trying to remember what the fuck I came into your room to ask you.”
Fiona felt a little pang of disappointment at his words. Was he really just “staring off into space?” Maybe he hadn’t been ogling her at all. Maybe it was just Fiona who’d been unscrupulously horny. The mere idea sent another wave of guilt crashing over her, making her feel a little light-headed as she stood over Gage.
Gage didn’t wait for her to reply before he spoke again. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise you that.”
Fiona slowly walked over to the seat across from Gage, sitting down to stare directly into his face. “It shouldn’t have happened,” she whispered, more to herself than to her ex.
“I agree,” Gage replied before sighing deeply, sounding about as defeated as she’d ever heard him. In the past, she would have been tempted to comfort him, to reach out and wrap her arms around him until all of the negative energy abandoned his body. But she couldn’t do that anymore. Not after everything. Not after Carl. Fiona stared down at her own lap, clasping her hands together tightly, holding onto herself like she was about to slip away. The guilt burned inside of her like an endless flame, turning her stomach lining into ash. How could she forgive herself for this when she wasn’t even really sorry?
# # #
He wasn’t sorry, honestly. Not really. It had been an accident, after all, but that was beside the point. Despite everything, despite the very real, very terrifying possibility that Fiona might leave early as a result of this incident, there was another part of him that was elated, filled up with happiness like a balloon. As scared as he was, with his heart pounding in his ears like a drum, he also had to fight off a smile. He saw Fiona’s body, for the first time in over a year, and she was still every bit as beautiful, every bit as sexy and irresistible as she’d ever been.
But he knew he had to apologize, if only to get her to stay. He’d do anything to make sure she stayed as long as possible, helping him with the case. But it’s not just the case, he thought to himself. It’s not about Tori. It’s about you. You want her to stay because…because of your feelings for her. Don’t pretend it’s anything noble.
It was true. With Fiona around, he felt like he could breathe for the first time in a year. It was like she was his air supply, the one thing he needed to feel alive. He couldn’t let her go.
Right then and there, staring down at his own lap, Gage made a decision. He wasn’t going to let Fiona go back to the countryside without a fight. He’d wage war for her if he had to do it. He wasn’t going to lose her again. But he had to be careful about it, otherwise he might scare her off.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “You have my word that I’ll respect your boundaries. I promise.”
“Okay,” Fiona said a moment later in a low voice. “Alright. Just…let’s pretend that it never happened.”
Her words hurt. Gage couldn’t deny that. It stung, knowing that if Fiona had a choice, she’d prefer to forget about him. He wondered if she ever thought about them, about the days when they were happier, about the nights where’d they fuck over and over and over again, feeding on each other’s bodies like they were starving. Gage could never forget those times. He knew he’d remember them as long as he’d lived, no matter what happened. Would Fiona?