“It’s nothing, nothing,” Fiona said, shaking her head, but then a second later, she opened her mouth to speak again. “It’s just…I haven’t seen them in so long. The guys there, in your club.”
Ah, she’s nervous about seeing my friends again, Gage concluded to himself. He’d been a member of the Bandits since he was a teenager, since before Abby was killed, even. They were his second family, the only people he could trust in the world. And they’d been upset when Fiona dumped him over a year before. Honestly, Fiona had some good reasons to be nervous. They were protective over Gage, judging all the women he dated in the past year as harshly as possible, but in all honesty, they had loved Fiona, too, accepted her as one of their own, even though she didn’t participate in the MC’s activities.
“It’ll be okay,” Gage said. “I won’t leave your side.”
Fiona smiled a little at that, but it was without humor or lightness. “I think that might cause more problems than it solves. They’ll think…they’ll think we’re…”
“Together?” Gage supplied, and Fiona grimaced but nodded. Gage felt something fall apart in his chest—breaking into pieces like a fragile fruit—at the way her face fell at the idea of someone thinking they were together. Goddammit, that hurt like a bitch.
Suck it up, he told himself. She’s not your girlfriend anymore. She doesn’t want to be your girlfriend. He repeated the words to himself, like if he said them enough times, even internally, they’d sink in and feel more like the truth. But despite everything, there was another little voice in his head, small and weak but persistent, that kept whispering, She doesn’t want you yet. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try. A man’s got to fight for what he wants. You should know that better than almost anybody.
“It’ll be alright. I’ll make sure they don’t bother you,” he said, walking over to the other side of the room to slip his jacket on. “Come on, let’s go. We can bring the diary with us and read up on the subway ride over.”
Fiona sighed deeply but nodded and followed him across the room, buttoning her sweater up to protect herself against the winter chill outside. “Just don’t want to get into any bar fights,” she said with a small, forced laugh. Gage could always tell when she was really laughing and when she was faking it. This was definitely the latter.
The subway stop was a few blocks from Gage’s house, and they walked side by side on the sidewalk, both of them with their arms crossed to avoid touching hands, even though Gage wouldn’t mind touching her right about now, considering they were out in the cold, freezing their noses off. Years ago, when it got this cold in the city, he would grab Fiona’s hand and put it in his pocket, keeping it safe and warm and protected. He wished he could do that now.
“I’m not sure my metro card still works,” Fiona murmured, digging around in her purse as they approached the subway station. “Might have to get a temporary one.”
“I still have one of your old ones,” Gage said without thinking, not considering how creepy that might come across until he’d already said it. Well, it was too late to take it back, even though Fiona was looking at him strangely, like he’d just started speaking another language. “I keep it in my wallet. Here,” he said, reaching into his pocket to give her a card that he knew worked. Sometimes, he’d use it to get on the train, sitting down in a corner spot where nobody would sit next to him, so that he could pretend he was with Fiona. Such a fucking pathetic, sad, little bitch, he thought to himself. So weak. Move on already, he thought. But it wasn’t that easy.
A minute later, Gage and Fiona stepped onto the train that would take them deeper into downtown, near the docks, where the mall was as well as the Bandits’ clubhouse. There was only one seat left on the car they’d stepped into, so Gage gestured for Fiona to sit and grabbed one of the poles that hung down from the ceiling for passengers to grab onto when the train was overcrowded. But Fiona, ever the stubborn fighter, just shook her head and grabbed onto the pole as well. An inch of empty space separated their hands, both gripped around the pole.
“Um, so all the gang is still there?” Fiona asked, swaying a little back and forth as the train lurched into motion.
“Pretty much,” Gage responded. “Still doing all the same business.”
Fiona nodded but didn’t say anything, staring off into space, over Gage’s shoulder. “So there’s two missing,” she whispered.