THE TRUE KING OF DAHAAR(74)
“I barely felt like a woman and to be your wife, to be the queen…But I still came to see you. And you—” tears spilled over her cheeks “—you were so excited. You said you couldn’t wait to follow in your father’s footsteps, that you couldn’t wait to add your own stamp to the Al Sharif history, that you couldn’t wait to create a legacy your heir, and your children, would want to carry forward.
“You needed a queen, you needed a wife who would give you sons, you needed a woman whose presence by your side would add strength to your rule, to your regime.”
She hiccuped and wiped her hands over her cheeks. “You were vibrant, charming, a prince of the world. I…I already was nothing compared to you. It was an uphill battle for us both. Then to find that I might never conceive, that I was broken at the one thing you did need from me…I broke my own heart.”
He grabbed her then, his fingers digging into her flesh. “Don’t you dare call yourself broken.”
“But I am. I spent my whole life seeing my father, an average aide to the royal family, disappointed again and again that he had no son. My mother knew the risks she was taking on her health and yet she had one child after another.
“An educated man like Richard…he knew all about my condition, he said he was fine with it…except when he decided he wanted children. It hurt so much to face that reality, to be denied my chance at happiness just because…God, if that had happened with you, if it was your resentment I would have to see every day, or even worse, if you had to take another wife for an heir, it would have killed me, it—”
“How dare you compare me to another man, how dare you extrapolate my feelings like I was an object of science? You don’t know what I would have said or done. I was an honorable man. I would have loved you. I would have found—”
“You think I doubted your intentions?” It was her turn to shout. Her throat was raw, her eyes stung. But beneath it all, fear fisted her chest. “I trusted your word, your love, Azeez. I just couldn’t put that choice in front of you. You would have hated me later, resented me for that choice. I couldn’t bear the idea of it. I couldn’t—”
He pulled her to him, his arm gentle around her. She felt his breath blow over her hair, felt the shudder that went through him. “You broke my heart, Nikhat, and you didn’t even tell me the truth. You only thought of yourself.”
His palms on her shoulders, he pushed her until he could look into her face. And the loss she saw there, it said everything he didn’t say. “I love you, Azeez. I don’t remember a moment of my life when I didn’t.”
“Do you know the meaning of the word? Even if I could understand why you didn’t tell me all those years ago, what about the last few weeks? I bared everything to you, I let you see me at my darkest. All you did was protect yourself even as you made love with me. Was it your pride or your love that led you to hide the truth even then?”
“I’m sorry, Azeez. I am here now, I will be yours in any way you want me.”
Any hint of softening she had seen vanished, leaving those eyes of his empty again. He had never felt more unattainable, more out of the reach of her heart. “Because now you think I’m as damaged as you are?”
She flinched, as if he had slapped her, as if he had called her very soul into question. And she realized what she had done. “I have never thought that, not for a second.”
“You were right. If I had married you then, we would have destroyed each other with doubts and insecurities. And now, now there’s nothing but bitterness of the past, Nikhat, nothing but broken and impossible dreams between us.