And she wouldn’t feel this desolation at being so close to her sisters and still not seeing them. But the same loyalty that was in her father’s blood filled hers too.
“I made a promise to Ayaan. Whatever happens in the next few months, I want to live in Dahaara. I want to head that clinic. There’s a lot of good I can do here.”
He rubbed his forehead with long fingers. “Of course. You have goals, and plans to accomplish those goals. And if something fails, you dust yourself off and move on.”
“Why did you come here, Azeez?”
“I want you to help me convince Ayaan that everything is wonderfully perfect up here,” he said, poking himself in the head.
“So that you can leave the palace and get yourself killed?”
“I don’t have to leave the palace to accomplish that.” He said the words softly, slowly, as if he was crushed by a weight he couldn’t shake. He stood up from the chaise and walked toward the door, his frame tight with tension. When he met her gaze, the depth of pain in it shook her. And they all thought he didn’t care, that he had become a shell of his former self. “I cannot bear to be here, Nikhat. I have to convince Ayaan that leaving Dahaar is the best thing for me, for him, for our parents. I have to leave Dahaar. And it has to be done in such a way that Ayaan feels no guilt.”
Nikhat shook her head. “That’s a tall order. I’ll never be able to convince him, because I don’t think it is the best thing for you.”
“But you will do it.”
The arrogance in his tone stole her breath away. “Why will I do it?”
He leaned against the wall, his hand gripping his hip. “Do you want me to die a slow, painful death?”
A shiver went through her at the desolation in his eyes. She reached him, desperate to relieve his pain, desperate to do something. “Azeez, you can’t—”
He threw an arm out as if to halt her from coming near him. When he spoke, it was through gritted teeth. “This palace is eating me up alive. Everywhere I turn, I see the destruction I have wrought on Ayaan, on my parents, on Dahaar itself. If I have to live, it has to be outside these palace walls.”
Dahaar had once been an integral part of him, his life, his blood, his passion. To hear him say it was stifling the life out of him was the most painful thing she had ever heard.
For whatever reason, Azeez held himself responsible for everything that happened, and as long as he did, he couldn’t breathe in here. Broken dreams, and ghosts of a glorious past, the palace was full of it—it was a pain she felt, an agony that she understood.
Which meant she had no choice but to agree.
What he was asking of her, it was a betrayal of her promise to Ayaan, a betrayal of the promise she had made to herself. But, as it always had been, when it came to Azeez, nothing else mattered to her. Not even her own happiness.
She wanted him to live, and if she could help him do that the way he wanted, then so be it. “I will help you, Azeez,” she heard herself say.
And was rewarded by a puzzled nod from him.
CHAPTER FOUR
NIKHAT FOLLOWED THE palace maid down a maze of intricate marble-lined corridors, her heart slowly climbing up her throat with every step she took.