“What’s the problem? You said yourself you have no rent to pay or employer to report to. Do you want me to say I’ll ensure that those details are looked after before we dissolve our association? Very well. I can agree to that.”
“That’s not—” She searched the hard angles of his face, cringing from the vague distaste curling his lip, wondering how his twisted brain worked that he could only see her as avaricious and self-serving, not scared out of her wits because she was drifting so far over her head. “What did Victor do to you that you’re like this?” she breathed.
The billowing silence told her she’d stepped over a line. “My history with Van Eych is not up for discussion. It has nothing to do with us. You and I have a strong sexual connection that needs to run its course. When it has, I’ll release you and the rest of the funds.”
His words sent a zing of surprise all the way to the soles of her feet. A strong sexual connection? “I thought I was paying for the sins of a man I barely knew,” she charged, hands knotting under the table.
His cheeks hollowed. “Nyet.” He looked away, fiercely controlled emotion tightening his mouth. “There is no way for anyone to compensate for that. His sins were too great.”
He gave off vibes of such deep devastation, such intense pain, an unfamiliar desire to reach out caught at her. He’d only brush her away, she reasoned, startled that the impulse touched her at all. She wasn’t the affectionate sort.
And yet she found herself turning over that strong sexual connection remark. Was she more than a tool of reprisal after all? Fluttery sensations like a million moths flooding toward a sliver of light filled her.
“Are you saying you want…me?” It took all her courage to step into the bottomless chasm of asking him.
He grew guarded and his eyes cut to her with a flinty look. “I want your body.”
The inner door that had cracked open slammed shut. “Of course.” She removed her napkin from her lap, no longer hungry. But what did she have to be offended about? She wanted him for his body, didn’t she? Her long-term avoidance of relationships had been an avoidance of the unbearable sea of emotions that came with them. Wanting to be wanted was agonizing. She’d learned early not to let those longings take root. Skimming her gaze over his unabashedly masculine form, she recognized that he was offering her a gift: all the joys of physical engagement without a toll on her heart.
He cocked his head, amusement tilting his mouth. “How is it that a woman as naturally sensual as you are has never taken a lover before?”
Her pulse raced at how easily he’d read her yearning in one brief, unguarded glance. If she continued seeing him, she’d have to learn to keep her thoughts to herself.
“No one ever tempted me.” She tried to keep her voice level so he wouldn’t guess how unnerved she was at the way his powerful sex appeal kept smashing through her self-protective reserve. “And normal relationships don’t interest me,” she added.
“Normal?” His eyebrows climbed.
“Dating to find love. Searching for a soul mate.” Profound disappointment seemed the inevitable follow-up to those quests. “You were right when you accused me of being more pragmatic than that. I don’t want to live in a cave, but most people my age live the other extreme: partying and hooking up. Being Victor’s platonic mistress seemed like the happy medium.” She sipped her coffee, but it had gone cold and bitter, much like how she felt about her arrangement with Victor, especially now that she’d glimpsed how much pain he’d caused Aleksy. It was yet another harsh reminder that relationships—even ones with seemingly impervious boundaries—could reach inside to wound.