Minutes later, clothed and feeling considerably better, he went in search of Bria.
He found her in the tiny guard’s room, sitting up on the little bunk, arms around her knees, her face pressed against them. “Hey …”
Han whispered. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
She didn’t raise her face, just waved him away. “No . . please, just . . let me … aloneˇ I’ll be … all rightˇ I don’t want you .
. . to see me like this.” She sniffled. “I look … terrible.”
Han sat down beside her, but didn’t touch her. “I look terrible, too,” he said. “We could all do with a change of clothes. Hey …” he joked, trying to make her look at him, “at least I got rid of the beard. That’s a big improvement.”
She raised her head and gave him a watery smile. Her nose and eyes were red, but she still looked lovely to Han. “You did look kind of…
scruffy … last nightˇ” Han drew himself up, pretending to take umbrage. “Scruffy? Me? Never!” He slid an arm around her gently.
“Bria, honey … what’s wrong? Tell me.”
She began to shudder. “It’s the Exultation, Han. I woke up and realized that the pilgrims are gathering for devotions right now. And I realized I’ll never have it again—never feel that good again!”
Han didn’t know what to say. He realized that Bria was missing the physical and emotional sensations that accompanied the Exultation just as an addict would miss a dose of his or her drug of choice. The realization scared him. Would Bria be able to fight this dependency and win? Or would she go through life mourning what she’d lost?
“I think that’s natural,” he said cautiously, not wanting to frighten her by voicing his real thoughts. “Of course you’d miss it for a day or so, maybe a week. But we’ll all help you through it, honey. You’re a strong person. You’ll get through it. And then”—he made an all-encompassing gesture with his hand—”it’s a big galaxy, sweetheart.
And it’s all ours, now. We’ll sell Teroenza’s stuff, and sell the Talismans” “Sell the Talisman?” she broke in.
“Yeah, I’m afraid it’s too recognizable. I’ll take Muuurgh and Mrrov home, and then we’ll look for a place to sell this ship. I think I know one. A used-ship dealer on Tralus, in the Corellian system. But we can easily book passage on a ship from there to Corellia.”
He gave her shoulders a squeeze. “And there’s one big advantage to that .
. . I won’t be busy piloting. You’ll have my”—gently he kissed her cheek—”undivided attention.”
She swallowed and looked flustered. Han started to lean toward her again, but she pulled back, slightly, and he took the hint.
She bit her lip, her bluegreen eyes haunted. “Oh, Han… what if I can’t get over this … this.., longing? Han”—she twisted her hands together in a convulsive gesture—”it’s worse than a longing!
It’s like a ˇ . . a craving! My whole self is crying out to be Exulted! I feel like someone punched a big hole in me and took part of me away!”
She began to shiver violently. Han pulled her to him, held her tightly, and stroked her hair, murmuring words of comfort. Inside, though, his mind was racing, and he realized that he was scared, too.
Scared of how much he felt for this woman. Han had had some pretty definite plans regarding Bria that had involved them spending copious amounts of time alone, in each other’s arms.
But she’s not ready for that, he realized with a sinking feeling. She needs a friend, not a lover.
How long would it take for Bria to regain herself?
Only time would tell.
“Coming up on Togoria,” Han said, “where should I land us?” “Our largest city is Caross,” Mrrov told him, indicating an area on the schematic of the planet. “From Caross we can send a messenger to the Margrave of Togoria, the ruler of all the male hunters. There is a landing field just outside Caross. We do not have our own ships, yet, but traders and passenger ships from other worlds visit our planet.”
“Okay, then, Caross it is,” Han said. With great care he piloted the Talisman down to a perfect landing in the center of the field. At the moment, no other ships were present.
“Muuurgh,” Han said as he updated his log, “are you two worried about reprisals from the t’landa Til or the Hutts?”
“Not greatly,” Muuurgh said, ostentatiously flexing his claws. “When Mrrov and I have assembled our tribes, we will be wed. It is then traditional with our people for a newly married couple to spend a long—what do you call it?” He said a word in his own language to Mrrov, whose Basic was much better than his own.