Xaverri had teased him about that, especially the time a girl had dashed up onstage and kissed him full on the mouth, making him blush.
Han had teased her back about her costumes, which were often daring.
Han sighed. If only I’d known she was planning this. I could have talked to her… Already he missed her, missed her presence, her smile, her affection. Her warmth, her kisses …
She was a special woman, and Han knew now that he’d loved her. Would it have made any difference if he’d told her? He decided that it wouldn’t. As her letter said, Xaverri was not someone who wanted love.
She didn’t want to love, or to be loved. Love, she’d discovered, made you too vulnerable.
“Love makes you love life,” she’d told him once. “And once you love life, you’re in real danger. You want to hold on to it, and that wanting clouds your thinking.”
“You want to hold on to which?” Han had asked her. “Love, or life?”
“Both,” she said. “Love is the riskiest thing in the universe.”
Xaverri had risked herself more than anyone he’d ever known in everything except love. If she hadn’t been so coolly deliberate, he’d have called her reckless. But she wasn’t. Danger meant nothing to her, because she didn’t worry about dying. Han had seen her stare death in the face without turning a hair.
One time he’d complimented her on her courage. She’d shaken her head.
“No, Solo,” she said. “I’m not brave. You’re brave. You have courage. I just don’t care. They aren’t the same thing.”
He sighed again, then rose from the bed. Xaverri was gone. By now her ship, The Phantasm, was long gone from Velga.
Okay, he thought, reaching for his clothes, show’s over. Time to go back to the real world…
At least he and Chewie now had plenty of money to lease their own ship.
For the first time in a long while, Han wondered how things were going back on Nar Shaddaa.
When they got back to the Smuggler’s Moon, Han was surprised to realize that it felt like coming home. He and Chewie went to see Mako first.
They found him and Roa having a companionable drink together at one of the taverns. Han entered the place, grinned, and waved. “Mako!
Roa!”
Both men turned at the hail and grinned broadly. “Han! Chewbacca!”
“Hey, Roa! Hey, Mako,” Han said. “How’s business?”
“Not bad,” Mako said. “Jabba misses you, kid.”
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure,” Han said with a chuckle. “Did Jiliac have her baby Hutt?”
“Don’t know,” Roa said. “She ain’t been around, though. So maybe not.
How’re you doin’, kid? You’ve been gone so long, we thought Boba Fett had got you!”
Han grinned back. “Not yet,” he said. “He been around much?” Mako glanced around reflexively, “Well, they said he was here on Nar Shaddaa lookin’ for you, several months ago. But nobody’s seen him lately.”
“Good. Keep me informed,” Han said. “So… anyone seen Lando?” He tried to seem casual. “He still got that old clunker of his, the Millennium Falcon?”
“Oh, yeah, he’s still got it,” Roa said. “And, Han, you’re not gonna believe this. Calrissian made a killing out there in the Oseon system.
Picked up a load of life-crystals, and sold ‘em for a bundle. Guess what he’s into now?”
Han made a ribald guess. Both Roa and Mako cracked up. Chewie roared an interrogatory.
“He’s bought himself a used spaceship lot!” Mako said. “Got it lock, stock, and barrel from a Duros who’d decided to go back to Duro and tend the family farm.”
“Well, I’m in the market for a ship to lease,” Han said. “Guess I’ll pay Lando a visit, see what he’s got.”
“Better see Jabba first,” Mako advised. “He’s put the word out that as soon as you came back to send you on.”
Han nodded. “Okay. I’ll do that. Where can I find Lando’s place?”
They gave him the coordinates.
With a cheerful wave, Han headed out of the tavern. He found that it was good to be back. The interval with Xaverri had been pleasant, and profitable, but his real calling was smuggling, and he was eager to get back to it.
Jabba was so pleased to see Han that he actually wriggled down off his dais and undulated toward the Corellian. “Han, my boy! You’ve returned!”
Han nodded, and decided not to bow. Jabba had obviously missed him.
“Hello, Jabba … Your Excellency. How’s business?”
Jabba sighed theatrically. “Business would be much better if only Besadii would learn that they are not the only rightful destination for the credits in the galaxy. Han… I must admit that I have missed you. We lost a ship in the Maw, and it cost Desilijic dearly. We need you, Han.”