Nevertheless, she rolled her eyes. Okay, how would she explain this to Johnny Depp? She tried again, "Well, regardless, sometimes people don't see me as a, you know..." She searched for the words, then mumbled "sexual being." As quickly and quietly as she could.
"People don't see you as a semblance beaming?" He raised his eyebrows.
"No, not that. They don't look at me and think, wow, I'd really love to give her a bit of the old...hokey pokey."
Derrick's eyebrows inched so high up on his forehead that they almost disappeared behind his shaggy black bangs. "It might have something to do with the fact that you call it that."
"Only in front of you. You don't count."
Derrick laughed. "Gee, thanks."
"You know what I mean." The heat in her cheeks scorched hotter and she pressed a hand to one to cool it down.
"I do." He took a drink and raked her over with something that looked curiously like appraisal.
"Well?" She asked when he stayed silent.
"Well, what? You want my input on why men don't see you as a sexual being?"
"You are a man."
"So I count as a man, but not really?"
"Exactly." She nodded.
Derrick sighed and threaded a hand through his hair before sitting back and studying her again. "I don't know. I've never looked at you like that, but I guess...You've got a nice rack."
"Thank you?" She wanted to cross her arms over her chest just hearing the words aloud, but she fought the urge.
"You're welcome. Your hair, too, is nice."
"Thanks."
"But it might be nicer if you did something to it. You wear it in that bun every day. It's...pretty when it's down." He said the word "pretty" awkwardly, like it was a slippery fish he was trying to catch with his bare hands.
"Okay, okay."
"Your clothes too, are..."
"What?" she almost snapped.
He frowned. "Do we have to do this?"
"I need to know."
"Okay, so you maybe could dress sexier. This is from an objective point of view, mind you."
She glanced down at her blouse and slacks and quirked her mouth to the side. "Like how sexier?"
"I've never seen your legs, for starters. Not that I want to. Those things are probably so white they'll blind you."
She bit her tongue, ashamed that he was pretty much on the nose with that one. "Okay. Right. So, tan and wear skirts."
"Or at least pants that don't have those 70's pleats down the middle."
"Wow. Harsh." She winced.
"You asked for the truth. You could probably get away with showing some cleavage, too."
"Right. Okay. I can do that." She thought again of the frightful whiteness of her skin, even despite the Hawaiian heat her fair skin never managed to do anything but burn. But she could try again. For Zac.
"If this guy is into girls who are taken, though, it seems like your best bet is just to get a boyfriend and see what happens." Derrick snorted and took a bite of his sandwich.
"Yeah, where would I find some poor sucker to agree to date me so that I can get another guy to notice-" She stopped dead, suddenly noticing the impressive cut of Derrick's jaw, the flex of his muscles while he held his food. Derrick who was always there for her. Derrick who was her beautiful, platonic friend.
"What? You come up with someone?" Derrick laughed, "I don't think Freddricks will go for it if that's what you're thinking."
"No, not Freddricks." She met his gaze and tried to impart as much meaning as she could.
In an instant, he shoved away from the table and waved his hands frantically. "Nope. You got the wrong idea there, lady."
"Derrick, come on."
"You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend? Who hell would believe that you and I would be together?"
For an instant she was stung. Wow. He really thought he was that much better looking than her. Of course, he was, but there was no reason to call attention to it. Not when everyone in the world could tell just by looking at them.
"It wouldn't be for that long. People would think it was just a hiccup in your sanity."
"Right. No way." He tossed his food in the trash and walked away to lean against the cement brick wall.
"I'll do all your paperwork for a week. Come on, it wouldn't even affect your life."
"Except we'd have to disclose it to the whole department and it would be a whole thing-"
"Please, half the people in here have slept together a time or two. Nobody will bat an eye. I'll fill everything out, and I'll do all your paperwork for two weeks. This is all I've ever wanted."
Derrick considered her for a long moment, then sighed. "One month. And the filing, too."
"One month, no filing."
"All or nothing."
She glanced out the window to where Zac was sitting in his cubicle, all chestnut and perfect and handsome. Smiling at someone with the full force of his stunning white teeth.
"Fine. One month and the filing, too. You won't regret it."
"Oh, I beg to differ," Derrick said, then left her beaming in his wake.
Chapter 3
Three hours and as many witnesses later, Jade slumped over a stack of paperwork on her desk and cursed herself for ever agreeing to help Derrick. Or, really, ever convincing Derrick to help her. The second she'd gotten back from lunch, she'd found what looked like a month's worth of overdue warrants and court orders waiting for her-unsorted and lacking any kind of organization. As usual.
Weren't military guys supposed to be more regimented than this? Wasn't that sort of their claim to fame? Why did Derrick Archer have to be the exception to the rule? And why oh why did that also have to be her problem?
To make matters worse, she hadn't seen Zac for the rest of the afternoon, either. He was probably hiding from her, sure that she'd do something else awkward and uncomfortable in his presence. Based on her track record, she had to admit that was a pretty strong possibility.
Glancing around for any superiors, she opened Facebook in her browser and looked for Derrick's name. Naturally, it was there with a little green orb next to it-gotcha.
Typing furiously, she shot him a message:
Jade Lockhart: What the hell is with all this paperwork? Did you break your hands in the past month?
Derrick Archer: I'll admit I've let a few things slide.
Jade Lockhart: Slide? More like avalanche.
Derrick Archer: Hey, it's not my fault if you didn't do your research before we made our deal.
Jade Lockhart: Technically we never shook on it, so...
Derrick Archer: Still all or nothing. Take it or leave it.
Sighing, Jade typed back.
Jade Lockhart: You're the worst, you know that?
Derrick Archer: On the contrary. I'm the best.
Jade rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair to catch a glimpse of Derrick. He was sorting through some papers-though it was hard to believe he had even more paper than what he'd already stacked on her desk-his black hair flopping in front of his eyes.
That always struck her as odd. The way he kept his hair so long. Not that it looked bad-where most men might look like skater boy wannabes, Derrick looked like he'd just stepped off the set of some television set. No, it was more the fact that Derrick had been in the military for so long that made her wonder at it. Didn't most men usually keep the neatly shorn buzzcuts of the previous lives after they left the service?
And didn't most men occasionally mention it?
She shook off the last thought. She'd learned a long time ago not to mention Derrick's years of service to him, no matter the situation. It simply wasn't worth the steely coldness that always colored his eyes when the subject arose.
A ping from her monitor brought her back to earth, and she focused again on her screen.
Derrick Archer: Don't forget to fill out the relationship disclosure agreement with HR. I won't have it said that I'm a rule breaker.
Jade Lockhart: Even though you're on Facebook?
Derrick Archer: You and me both.
Jade smiled and typed a quick reply before opening the human resources page and downloading the form she needed. It was simple enough. ID numbers and names, mostly. Still, a strange sort of swirling settled in her stomach as she reviewed the canned information and filled in her name beside Derrick's.
What would pretending to be Derrick's girlfriend even look like? And more to the point-had a guy like Derrick ever even been with someone long enough to call them his girlfriend? She didn't know. And what would dating in the office look like?
It would have to be clear to everyone that they were together, especially if she wanted to get Zac's attention, but it couldn't be so in your face as to put their jobs on the line. Or to put their partnership in jeopardy. If they did this wrong and she wasn't allowed to work with Derrick again...
The swirling feeling in her stomach sank deeper and tied itself into a tight little knot. God, how had she not thought this through? How had she not considered the consequences?