Sword-Maker(19)
“I made a promise, Del. To myself. I intend to keep it.”
Wide-eyed, she stared at me, which didn’t make me feel any better. No man likes having it thrown in his face that he’s lacked responsibility throughout much of his life; me making this promise exhibited a new side of the Sandtiger. Del didn’t exactly say anything, but then she didn’t have to. All she had to do was stare at me in exactly the way she was.
“Tiger—”
“It’s why I’m out here in the middle of a Northern nowhere, Del; why else? I’m tracking those hounds. To Ysaa-den or wherever. To whoever—I intend to find the sorcerer who set them loose.”
“And kill him,” she clarified.
“I imagine so,” I agreed. “Unless, of course, he’s polite enough to stop on my say-so.”
She hooked hair behind her ears. “So. You’re tracking the hounds in order to kill their master, and I’m tracking Ajani with much the same end in mind. What is the difference, Tiger? Why are you right and I’m wrong?”
“I don’t want to argue about this—”
“I’m not arguing. I’m asking.”
“My reasons are a bit different from yours,” I said testily. “Aside from hounding us for more months than I care to remember, those beasts have also killed people. And some were children.”
“Yes,” Del agreed, “as Ajani killed my kin … including all the babies.”
“Oh, hoolies, Del—” I shifted position, wished I hadn’t. “What you’re after is revenge, pure and simple. I’m not saying it’s wrong—what Ajani did was horrible—but I think you’ve lost sight of reality. What’s driving you now is misplaced pride and utter obsession—and that’s not healthy for anyone.”
“You think I’d be better off in some man’s bed, or in some man’s house, bearing him fourteen sons.”
I blinked. “Fourteen might be a bit much. Hard on the woman, I’d think.”
Del bit back a retort. “Tiger, do you deny it? Wouldn’t you rather see me in some man’s bed instead of in the circle?” She paused delicately. “In your bed, maybe, instead of in your circle?”
“You’ve been in my bed,” I answered bluntly, “and you’ve been in my circle. I don’t know what the first one got you, but the second nearly killed you.”
That she hurt was obvious; that I’d cut too deep equally so. “So it did,” she sighed finally. “Yes, so it did. As for the first? I don’t know. I don’t know what it got me. I don’t know what it should have—do we put a price on bedding?”
“I’m going north,” I told her. “Or wherever it is the hounds go. You can come, or not. It’s up to you. But if you do, we’ll put a price on nothing. No bedding, Del. Will that make you happy?”
She stared back at me. “I thought that would be your price.”
“For sparring with you?” I shook my head. “Once, yes. Back when we first met, and you promised me a bedding in place of coin you didn’t have. And you paid, bascha. You paid very nicely, eventually … except by that time I wasn’t exactly counting. Neither, I think, were you—so that debt we’ll call forgiven.” I shrugged. “If you want to come along with me now to get your practice in so you can face Ajani, that’s fine with me. But things can’t be the same, not after all that’s happened.”
“You won’t last,” she predicted. “This could take weeks, and you don’t do days very well.”
“Bet me,” I said.
Slowly Del smiled. “I know you, Tiger. This isn’t a fair wager. Not for you. I know you.”
“Do you? Really? Then let me tell you why it is a fair wager.” I held her eyes with my own. “When a man’s been made a fool of, he doesn’t much feel like going to bed with the woman who did it. When a man has been used—without his permission or knowledge—he doesn’t much feel like going to bed with the woman who did the using.” With effort, I kept my tone uninflected. “And when that woman, faced with the truth of what she did, adamantly refuses to admit she was wrong, he doesn’t really care about the bedding any more. Because what he likes in that woman is more than just her body and what it can do for him in bed. What he likes in that woman is her loyalty and honesty and honor.”
Del said nothing. I don’t think she could.
“But then you’ve sort of set aside all those useless attributes in the last year, haven’t you, Delilah? So I guess what I feel doesn’t matter so much any more.”