She had neither seen nor heard from Patrick since she'd returned. A part of her had hoped he might contact her. See how she was doing. Which was pretty crazy, really. He was probably just relieved to move on from what had been a disastrous scenario from his point of view.
He had visibly paled when she'd said she loved him. The panic in his eyes had told her everything she needed to know. Even now her cheeks glowed bright red at that memory.
In her first days at home she had wondered if she had made the worst decision of her life, becoming so involved, so intimate with him. In those long days and sleepless nights she had lived with numbing pain and an overwhelming sense of loss. And the haunting question as to whether her judgement had been all wrong once again.
But in the days that had followed, as her initial shock and gruelling pain had subsided a little, she'd found a clarity of thinking that had evaded her all the time she was with him.
She had been so overpowered, intrigued, in love with him, that when they'd been together she hadn't been able to think straight, think objectively.
Being with him had been like being awash with emotions that left no room for perspective. A perspective that now told her that it could never have lasted. He had said from the outset that he didn't want to be in a relationship. And she knew only too well that they were from different worlds. But when she had been with him all she had known was desire, longing, excitement, happiness. An itch to bury herself into his very soul, to know him better than she even knew herself.
Now that she was away from him, those emotions had lessened and she had finally got that perspective. Though her heart was physically sore, though she could barely eat or sleep, and though she sometimes thought she was going mad with her frustration, her wanting to be near him again, she didn't regret anything.
How could she when she had experienced such intense love and passion for another person?
Yes, she had wanted it to be for ever. She hadn't wanted it to end. But better that than never to have experienced it at all. How incredibly sad it would be to live a life never knowing such love existed.
In her heart she knew he had loved her in his own way. She had seen it shining in his eyes when they had made love. In the things he had whispered to her. But he hadn't loved her enough. And that was a fact she would have to learn to live with.
Now she had to start focusing on her work again. And hope that with time the pain would subside.
She neared the junction for the turning down to the road that led to her cottage and her pulse speeded up as she passed the wide entrance to his estate. But then she brought her bike to a sudden wobbly stop.
She dismounted, turned, and stared back at the board that had appeared on the wall. A sales board, to be precise, for a prestigious Dublin firm of auctioneers. And written on it, in giant capital letters, were the words FOR SALE: Historic House and Thousand-Acre Estate.
He was selling Ashbrooke!
What was he thinking?
She knew how much he loved this estate. Was he so desperate to put distance between himself and her?
She wheeled her bike over to the imposing twenty-foot wrought-iron double gates. For a minute she considered the intercom. Should she just leave it? It was none of her business, after all. But she could not shake off the feeling that he was selling for all the wrong reasons.
She pressed down on the buzzer and jumped when it was quickly answered. She instantly recognised his housekeeper's voice.
'Hi, Maureen, it's Aideen Ryan. I want to have a word with Patrick.'
'Aideen? Of course-come on in. I'll give Patrick a call to let him know you're here.'
The gates opened slowly and Aideen drew in a deep breath before she jumped back on her bike and started to cycle up the drive.
When she caught her first glimpse of the house, in all its magnificent grandeur, her chest tightened with a heaviness that barely allowed her to breathe. How could he walk away from this house which meant so much to him? She tried to imagine someone else living here but it seemed impossible.
The sound of fast-approaching horse's hooves on the drive behind her had her wobbling on her bike once again, and she came to an ungraceful stop when she hit the grass verge.
She twisted around to see Patrick, heading in her direction riding a horse. He was a natural horseman, confident and assured. Totally in control. And heartbreakingly gorgeous.
He pulled the horse to a stop a few feet away.
Heat and desire instantly coiled between them. Her heart thumped wildly against her chest as his eyes held her captive.
Memory snapshots of him making love to her had her almost crying out in pain, and she gripped the handlebars of the bike tighter against the tremble in her legs.
He dismounted and led his horse towards her. He was wearing a loose blue shirt over his jodhpurs. His eyes matched the blue of the sky behind him, but gave nothing away as to what he was thinking.
'Maureen rang to say you wanted to speak to me.'
No, How are you? How have you been? Instead this bleak, unwelcoming comment. It made her feel as though all the closeness and warmth they had once shared had been nothing but a mirage.
She couldn't show him how upset she felt, so she took a deep breath and tried to control her voice. 'I saw the for-sale sign.'
He frowned slightly and shrugged. 'And?'
'Why are you selling?'
'I listened to what you said. You're right. I am isolated here in Ashbrooke.'
She didn't understand. Bewildered, she asked, 'Where are you going to go?'
'Wherever my work takes me. I have property throughout the world. I'll move around as necessary.'
'But you love Ashbrooke, Patrick. I know you do. You love this house and this land as though you were born into it.'
His mouth twisted unhappily and he fixed her with a lancing glare. 'I thought you would be pleased. It was you who put the idea in my head.'
'No. My point was that you deliberately choose houses that enable you to be isolated. But you can be isolated in the middle of Manhattan if you really want to. I didn't mean for you to sell Ashbrooke. This is crazy.'
'I need to move on. It's nothing more complicated than that.'
'Isn't it? Are you sure our relationship hasn't anything to do with it? Are you worried I might still hope something can happen between us? Because if that's the case, please believe me-I have absolutely no expectations. I know it's over. And I accept it's for the best. Never the twain shall meet, after all.'
He shook his head angrily and uttered a low curse. In that moment he looked exhausted. 'Aideen, I wish I could explain...but I can't.'
What did he mean? For a moment she considered him, wanting to ask what there was to explain. It was all pretty simple, after all. He didn't love her. End of story.
'Please reconsider selling Ashbrooke. Moving from here won't change anything. Selling a house won't stop you being isolated. You need to open your heart to others. My fear is that you won't, and you'll be alone for the rest of your life. And you deserve more than that.'
He threw her a furious look. 'Do I really, though? I hurt Orla. I hurt you. Why on earth are you saying that I deserve more?'
'Because you're a good man, Patrick.'
His hands tightened on the reins. 'And you're too kind-hearted and generous.'
She lifted her chin and glared at him. 'Don't patronise me. I know what I'm talking about. And maybe you should listen to your own advice sometimes. You told me once that I should believe in myself. Well, maybe you should do the same.'
His jaw clenched. 'I can't give you what you need, Aideen.'
'This isn't about me. Trust me-I wouldn't be here if I hadn't seen the for-sale sign. I want nothing from you. But I'm not going to let you make the mistake of selling the house you love because for once you actually allowed someone into your life.'
His eyes were sharp, angry shards of blue ice. 'That has nothing to do with it.'
'Are you sure? Because I'm not convinced. Are you going to reconnect with Orla and your friends once you leave Ashbrooke? What changes are you going to make to your life?'
His mouth thinned and he threw her a blistering look. 'Frankly, that's none of your business.'
She gave a tight laugh of shock and took a step back. Her heart went into a freefall of despondency. 'Wow, you really know how to put a person in her place.' Her throat was tight, but she forced herself to speak. 'And it is my business because I care for you. I don't want to see you shutting more and more people out of your life. You deserve to be happy in life, Patrick. Remember that.'