His tone, his words, his stance were all shutting her out. He barely looked at her. Where had the warm and kind man of last night gone? Had it all been an act?
Horrible tension filled the room. Unsaid words, hurt and humiliation were thick in the air.
She wanted things to go back to where they'd been when they had woken, or to last night. To that carefree existence where reality had been suspended.
She didn't know what he was thinking. And the vulnerability that came with that cut her to the core.
Did he regret their relationship? Did he even regret answering the door to her that night of the storm? Did he wish she had never come into his life?
He was waiting for her to say something, but her throat was closed over and she was struggling to tell him what she had rehearsed. It was as though her heart was physically preventing her from saying the words logic said she had to speak.
He came a little closer and leant a hand against the island unit, his voice less brisk now, almost sad. 'I've always told you that I never want to be in a permanent relationship. I've never lied to you, Aideen.'
First Ed had cheated on her. Now Patrick looked as though he wanted to head for the hills. She had to understand why she wasn't good enough...why she kept getting relationships wrong.
'Why don't you want to be in a relationship?'
He looked totally taken aback by her question for a while, and then frustration flared on his face. 'I'm not interested... I don't want to be tied down. I want to be able to focus on work. It's not something I've ever wanted in life.'
Was it really that simple for him? Maybe it was. Maybe he didn't need love or affection.
She couldn't think straight.
Swallowing deeply, she said in a strained voice, 'I think we should call a stop to it all...it's becoming too complicated.'
A slash of red appeared on his cheeks and his voice was cool when he spoke. 'I don't want it to end, but if that's what you wish...'
Why couldn't he fight her a little? Had last night been nothing but a figment of her imagination?
She had to pull herself together.
All along she had said this would never work, and yet after just one night in his bed she had become delusional.
Now she knew for certain that this was never going to work. That this had been nothing but a brief interlude in her life. A magical, unbelievable interlude, but one that had to end. This wasn't her world. She didn't belong here.
She stood up and placed her cup in the dishwasher before turning to him. 'I think it would be best if I leave now.'
He moved closer to her, his hands landing on his hips. 'Oh, come on, Aideen. There's no need for this. Stay. I don't want you to go. Why can't we just enjoy each other's company for a while?'
'I'm not up for a casual relationship, Patrick.'
He looked at her in exasperation. 'Fine. I'll respect that. Nothing needs to happen between us again. You don't even have a home to go to. The cottage isn't ready.'
'I'll sort something out.'
'Stay at Ashbrooke.'
'You're not getting it, are you?'
'What do you mean?'
The sheer overwhelming impact of standing so close to his powerful, addictive frame but being so adrift from him emotionally had her blurting out, 'I can't stay in Ashbrooke. I can't be around you, Patrick.'
Heat fired through her body. Her cheeks were red-hot and tears burnt at the back of her eyes. She had said too much already, but she couldn't hold back the truth. The weight of it was physically hurting her chest.
'For the simple reason that I've fallen in love with you.'
* * *
Without meaning to do so he stepped back from her.
This was all going wrong.
She wasn't supposed to be telling him she loved him.
He didn't know what to say.
And in that moment he regretted ever opening up to Aideen. He should have kept his distance. He shouldn't have let her in. Look at what had happened as a result. He'd said he didn't want to hurt her. Judging by the pained expression on her face, he had done exactly that.
'I never wanted to hurt you.'
She gave a little laugh. 'I'm sure I'll get over it.' She paused and then stood up a little straighter, looked him in the eye. 'It was never going to work anyway. I always knew that. We are from different worlds. I don't belong in this world of wealth. I want a relationship of equals-one where I bring the same as the other person. That was never going to be the case with us.'
Though she looked as though she might crumble, she gave him a wobbly smile, her eyes brimming with tears again.
With a light shrug she added, 'This was never going to be anything more than a brief interlude of happy madness. And even though I can barely breathe right now, knowing it's over, in my heart I know I will always cherish these weeks together. I'm glad I met you. And a part of me will always love you.'
Pain and shock had him sitting there and watching her walk away. He couldn't take it in, process all that she had said.
Both of them were agreeing that being together wouldn't work.
But if that was the case why did it feel as though he was being torn apart?
* * *
Less than ten minutes later he was still trying to process all that had happened when she reappeared in the kitchen, her suitcase beside her.
'I've booked a flight back to Ireland. When you return to Ashbrooke can you bring my files and paperwork from the orangery? I haven't had time to pack them. Perhaps you can ask one of your staff to do so?'
'I'll ask William to drop them off at the cottage.'
Part of him wanted to plead with her to stay. But this was for the best. Everything had spiralled out of control. He couldn't give Aideen the type of relationship she needed and deserved.
'I'll organise for my plane to take you.'
'No! Absolutely not.'
He was about to fight her, but then he realised why she would feel the need to pay for her own transport home.
With a resigned shrug of acceptance he said, 'I'll drop you to the airport.'
'I've already asked Bernard to take me.'
Fury shot through him and he said abruptly, 'No. I'm taking you.'
He had hurt her and let her down. The least he could do was see her safely to the airport. Say goodbye somewhere other than in the house where they had made love.
She looked away for a few seconds, and when she spoke again, he was taken aback by the pain in her voice.
'No. Bernard is taking me.' Tears shone in her eyes. 'I just want to go.'
'Aideen...'
Angry eyes flicked to his, and her voice was raw with emotion. 'I don't understand why you're fighting me on this. I can see that deep down you want me to go.'
'That's not true.'
'Yes, it is. You fled from our bed this morning. You're distancing yourself from me-burying yourself in work. Admit it, Patrick, you're pushing me away. Like you push everyone away.'
'I have never pretended that my work doesn't come first. It has to.'
'Oh, please... No, it doesn't. You just want it that way. At least admit that much to yourself.' She stopped and closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she reopened them they were filled with pain. 'Bernard will drive me to the airport.'
'I want to-'
She cut across him. 'Please don't make this any harder for me. I'm humiliated enough.'
He reached for her. Anger at his own bungling of this situation had him saying sharply, 'You have no reason to feel humiliated. I should never have suggested you come to Paris. This was all a mistake on my part. I'm sorry that I hurt you. That you have these feelings for me. But I can't reciprocate them. Not with you. Not with anyone. I don't deserve your love, Aideen. Please remember that.'
She yanked her arm free and strode away from him.
He followed her out to the front steps, but she was already getting into the waiting car. Not once did she look back towards him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CYCLING HOME FROM MOONCOYNE, her front basket sparsely filled with the few food items she had forced herself to buy at the weekly farmers' market in the hope that they might kick-start her appetite again, Aideen heard the low cooing of a wood pigeon. Something about its regular familiar call reassured her. It told her that the world went on spinning even though it felt as though hers had ground to a halt.
Spring was in full bloom. The trees that lined the road were no longer stark grey-brown statues, reaching up to the sky, but lush green flowing bodies of movement and life. Waves of white cow parsley littered the hedgerows on either side of her, yellow buttercup flowers popping through at intervals.
Everything was changing.
It had been a week since she had returned from Paris. She had moved back into Fuchsia Cottage immediately, not caring about the dust or the noise as the builders carried out the renovations. It wasn't as if she was getting a lot of work done anyway. Thankfully their work was due to be completed by the end of next week. Hopefully then she would be able to give her work one hundred per cent of her concentration.