Swept Away by the Tycoon(9)

“No need to be sorry there. It’s my own damn fault.”

“Anything I can do?”

As expected, he shook his head. “If only, Curlilocks. Afraid this is a problem only I can fix. I just wish people would stop giving me advice I didn’t ask for.”

“I hear ya there,” Chloe said, thinking of Larissa. “My friends are very big on advice. I wish I could make them understand that when it comes to my life, I know best.”

“Exactly.” A fabric of understanding wove them together as he gave her the first smile of the day. A half smile, with a hint of sadness, but a smile nonetheless. “I keep trying to explain to him these are my mistakes. I need to fix them my way. Especially this one.”

Must be one helluva mistake for him to react so strongly, but then, some events marked you more than others.

“I take it this Jack disagrees.”

“To put things mildly. I swear, if he had his way, I’d still be on step one.”

“Step one?”

“Yeah, out of twelve. I take it that that fact didn’t show up during your internet search.

“What fact?”

He reached for the nearby coffeepot and poured himself a cup. “That I’m a drunk.”





CHAPTER FOUR

“TECHNICALLY, FUNCTIONAL ALCOHOLIC would be a better term, since I preferred to keep a steady day-long buzz rather than get rip-roaring drunk. Enabled me to—”

“Function?” The remark came out far more sardonically than Chloe meant it to.

Ian saluted her with his cup. “Couldn’t build a company otherwise.”

Following his pronouncement, the two of them moved their conversation to a nearby table. In a way, Chloe was surprised he wanted to talk with her about such a personal subject. On the other hand, she wouldn’t deny being curious. Not so much regarding his alcoholism as the shadow crossing his features. She’d seen the same shadow the other night. The slip suggested that while Ian spoke matter-of-factly, he felt far from casual about his past. His mistakes, whatever they were, struck him hard. If he wanted or needed a sympathetic ear, then she was willing to listen.

“What happened?” she asked him. A naive question, but she didn’t know where else to start.

“I drank. A lot,” Ian replied. “You mean how did the drinking get out of hand, though, don’t you?” He shrugged and focused on stirring his coffee. “There wasn’t any kind of traumatic event or anything. Started out with a few drinks to de-stress. As the stress grew, so did the drinks. Before I knew it, I was drinking all the time.”

There was more to the story; Chloe could tell by the way he avoided her eyes. She was willing to bet that missing component caused the shadows, too. “What about work?”

“Functional, remember?” He laughed over the rim of his coffee. “Work was everything. Well, everything other than alcohol. The rest of the world took a backseat.

“People especially,” he added in a soft voice. This time Chloe caught the shadows.

“Anyway, about eighteen months ago, I started the program, and I’ve been busy working on step eight—making amends to the many, many people I hurt.”

Fixing his mistakes. Understanding clicked in, setting off a swell of admiration in her chest. She’d been right, he did beat karma. Leading her to the puzzling phone call she’d overheard a few minutes earlier. “Is your friend Jack one of those people you have to apologize to?”

Ian offered another mirthless laugh. “Jack’s my sponsor. I deep-sixed my friends, good, bad and otherwise, a long time ago. In case you didn’t guess by the fact I’m sitting here pouring out my guts to you.”

So he did need someone to talk to. “I don’t mind.” If anything, she was flattered to make the cut. Meaningful conversation didn’t happen with the men who usually crossed her path. Ian’s inclusion made her feel substantial.

“You’ve only just met me. Give me time.”

Meaning what? That he’d deep-six her, too? The comment made her nerves flare onto to quickly extinguish when she saw the melancholy in his eyes. Reminding her that his story was far from over. “I’m confused. Why doesn’t your sponsor want you to make amends? Isn’t he supposed to be encouraging you?”

“This is where we come to the unsolicited advice,” Ian replied. “Jack thinks I’m moving too quickly. I need to ‘move with caution’ to use his favorite phrase. He doesn’t get that I can’t afford to move slowly. I’ve already wasted thirteen years.”

A long time. Chloe watched Ian sip his coffee, trying to hide the expression she knew matched his voice. Her own drink had grown lukewarm long ago. She didn’t care. His story was far too engrossing.

“This person must be pretty important to you, to want to reach out after a decade and a half,” she noted. Or else the crime so egregious he couldn’t forget.

“He is,” Ian said. “He’s my son.”

His son. Her insides froze, killing the sympathy she had regarding Ian’s pain.

“You abandoned your family?” She didn’t bother hiding the edge in her voice. A man who abandoned his child didn’t deserve consideration. To think she’d actually thought Ian was different. Better.

“Not entirely. I gave financial support. Paid his and Jeanine’s—ex-wife’s—bills. Made sure he lived well, but otherwise I kept my distance. Figured he was better off.”

Oh yeah, the kid was so much better off. All those years, wondering what he’d done to chase his father away. Thinking he must be horrifically damaged if his own parents couldn’t love him.

“You get what you deserve,” she murmured.

Ian mistakenly thought she meant him. “You won’t get an argument here. I wrote to him once I thought sobriety was going to stick. We’ve been corresponding for about a year now.”

“Letters and money,” Chloe repeated. More than she ever got from her father. Still, the kid deserved better. Apologies were as flimsy as promises. More often than not the child still ended up with her nose pressed against the picture window, waiting in vain.

“Not enough, I know,” Ian agreed. “I wish I had an excuse, but the truth is I was a miserable son of a bitch and a drunk. He was better off without me around.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“I know it.” He washed a hand over his face, leaving an expression of regret behind. “I was not a nice person, Chloe. I stepped on and hurt a lot of people to build my company. I would have hurt him, too.”

“And a lifetime of being without a father didn’t?”

“Hurt him a lot less.” Ian sounded so resolute, Chloe decided not to argue. Perhaps he had a point. Drive-by visits certainly didn’t do her any good other than trick her into hoping again.

Shaking off the memories, she returned to the topic at hand. “So what is it Jack doesn’t think you should do?”

“I got Matt’s number, and I called him. There are things that can’t be said in a letter.”

Yes, there were. “What did Matt say?”

“He hasn’t returned my call yet. I told Jack I wanted to drive out to see Matt in person. That’s where you walked in.”

Ian’s long fingers played with the cup handle, tracing the top curve again and again. Disappointed as she was, Chloe still watched the movement, remembering how those fingers had drifted across her skin. It hurt to think a man capable of such tenderness could hurt people.

“He thinks I should stick with letter writing,” he continued. “But Matt’s my son. He needs to hear the apology out loud. So he knows I’m serious.”

A kernel of sympathy worked its way toward Chloe’s heart. It was clear Ian regretted his behavior. Pain clung to every word he spoke. And he was trying to repair the damage. Letters, a phone call. Driving to see the boy. What she wouldn’t give for one of those efforts.

“I know I forfeited my rights as a parent a long time ago,” he continued. Chloe couldn’t tell if he was making his argument to her or himself. “All I want is five minutes so I can let Matt know I didn’t forget him. My staying away was for his own good.”

He reached into his wallet and handed her a photograph. “His high school graduation picture. I asked him to send me one.”

Chloe saw a handsome boy with tight auburn curls and a wary smile. She could identify with the wariness. It was the fear that the camera would capture the inner flaws. “Handsome boy. Looks like his father.”

“Smart, too. Salutatorian of his class. You should have heard the speech he gave at graduation.”

“You were there?” In her surprise, Chloe nearly dropped the picture. “Why didn’t you go see him then? Were you...?”

He shook his head. “Not at graduation.”

“Then why not let him know?”

“I didn’t want to ruin his day. His mother and I can’t be in the same room without killing each other. I always made a point of flying under the radar so he wouldn’t get caught in the middle.”

Always? “You attended other events?”

“As many as I could. Just because I wasn’t visible in his life didn’t mean I didn’t care.”