“I went back to Pennsylvania.”
“To see Matt again?” Did that mean Ian hadn’t given up on his son, after all?
That still didn’t mean anything had changed between the two of them, she reminded herself when hope threatened to blossom. Matt was his flesh and blood.
“I decided to change tactics. One of the things we learn in rehab is amends aren’t about you. They are about making things right for the other person. I was so focused on completing my plan, I forgot.”
“How’d it go?”
“Verdict’s still out.”
Chloe nodded. No matter what happened between her and Ian, she hoped he made peace with his son.
She stared at the man who’d upended her world. Too shocked by his arrival to notice before, she realized now how tired he looked. Tense, too. Reminded her very much of Saturday afternoon, when he’d been so stressed over meeting his son. “Why are you here?” she finally asked.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Frankly, no. I thought we said everything Tuesday morning.”
Ian crumpled in his fist the napkin he’d been holding. “I made a huge mistake that morning,” he said.
“Look, if this is another amends mission, I already told you you’re off the hook.”
“Not this time.”
Chloe sighed. She hurt too much to assuage his guilt. “Well, then I guess you’ll have to deal.”
“Chloe, please wait.” She’d turned to leave, only to have him catch her hand. A week didn’t diminish the effect of his touch. Every inch of her skin tingled with memory. “I need to say this,” he told her. “Give me five minutes. Then, if you want me to go, I will.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
FIVE MINUTES. SAME request he’d asked of his son. Pulling her hand away, she tried to still the tingling by squeezing her shoulder. “Five minutes,” she repeated. Then she was out of there.
“My whole life I did things on my terms. The way I built my company, the way I dealt with my demons. The way I raised my son.”
“You’re eating up your time,” Chloe said. “I know all this.”
“Point is, because I was rich and successful, I figured I had all the answers. That I knew best. That included measuring my mistakes. Because I thought Matt was better off without me, there could be no other solution. The kid never had a choice. I did the same thing with you. I decided I wasn’t good enough for you, so I decided to pull away.
“Only you beat me to the punch,” he added.
Chloe, however, was stuck on something he’d said earlier. Not good enough for her? Seriously? “So, what, you’re back because you’ve decided you are good enough for me?”
Ian stopped pacing. “No.” Chloe’s heart sank.
“Do you have any idea how amazing and special you are?” he went on. “I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough. Not in a million years.”
Perfect words, but could she believe him? “Words are cheap.”
“You’re right, they are. I wish I knew an answer to make you believe what I’m saying, but I can’t. I’m learning love doesn’t come with guarantees.”
If only it— “Love?” The word hung between them, waiting to be claimed.
He looked down at his hands, a frustrating move because it meant she couldn’t see his face. After using the word, she needed to read his eyes.
“After I left Matt the other day, my mind wouldn’t stop spinning. I needed a place to think.”
It wasn’t the direction Chloe expected their conversation to travel. With her nails digging into the palms of her hand to keep her body from trembling, she waited for him to make his point.
“I went back to the Bluebird,” he told her. That was a surprise.
“You wouldn’t leave my head. One minute I’m driving, thinking about you, the next I’m staring at the exit. I took it as a sign that that’s where I needed to go.
“I spent the past couple days in the room we shared, trying to pinpoint what made our time together so incredibly right. When I wasn’t in the room, I was talking to Josef and Dagmar. They gave me some pretty sound advice. Did you know they’ve been married thirty-five years?”
“That’s very sweet, but at the moment I don’t care.” Chloe’s nails were carving permanent lines in her skin. This journey of self-discovery was all well and good, but he’d mentioned love. She needed to know what he meant.
“Ah, my sweet little Curlilocks, I love how impatient you are.”
There he went again, throwing the word love around. Each time, her breath would catch, as she waited for the reality check. “Ian, please, what are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m saying I’ve got a lot of baggage.”
Reality struck. The damn baggage again. She should have known.
She turned to leave.
“But...” His voice stopped her. “But,” he continued, sounding a step closer than before, “sitting in that room surrounded by thoughts of you, it dawned on me that so does everyone else in this world. It’s what we do with that baggage that counts. Look past, move forward.”
“I don’t understand.” Actually, she was afraid to try. His words sounded too good, made her heart too hopeful. It was getting harder and harder to keep her feelings reined in. If she let herself believe and she was wrong...
The hands that suddenly caressed her shoulders didn’t help. “All this time I’ve been focused on earning people’s forgiveness,” he said. “Turns out there was one very important person who never made the list.”
“Who’s that?”
“Me. I ignored one of the most important lessons of all—to forgive myself for my mistakes. Matt, the drinking, the pigheadedness. Of course, when you stop to think, it makes sense. I was being pigheaded about forgiveness.”
Despite her churning nerves, she had to smile at the irony. “Sounds like a great epiphany.”
“And it’s all because of you.”
Her? She turned to see his face. The sincerity in his expression shocked her. “What did I do?”
“Walked into my life,” Ian replied as he swiped a thumb across her cheek. Almost as if brushing away a tear. Blinking, she realized that’s exactly what had happened. She’d been so busy reining in her heart, she didn’t register the emotion wetting her eyes.
“One of the reasons I was so intent on fixing the past was because it was all I had. Other than the coffee shop, I didn’t have a future. At least I didn’t until a gorgeous, curly-haired drink-tosser walked into my store. I couldn’t resist you.”
He’d said the same words in Pennsylvania, only with far less devotion. “You called it your weakness on Saturday night,” she reminded him.
“You’re right, I did say that. Because I was too blind and stubborn to see I was weak for a reason. That I’m completely and utterly nuts about you.”
He cradled his face in his palms and stared into her eyes, the posture so much like their first kiss she nearly fell into his arms then and there. Not yet, though. All his sweet talk was wonderful, but the fact remained, he’d cast her aside once. He could do so again. Her fear must have crossed her face, because there was his thumb brushing her cheek again. “I know I hurt you, Chloe. In my mind, I thought I was doing the right thing by walking away, but in reality, I was only dooming us both to being miserable. Truth is, I love you, Chloe Abrams.”
Her heart stopped. “You—you love me?”
“With all my heart, and I want nothing more than to spend my days and nights showing you how much.”
“I don’t know....” Breaking away, she stumbled toward a nearby credenza. You idiot, her insides screamed. Ian Black just said he loved you. Her heart had recovered and was pumping with joy, the beats so loud everyone in the hotel could hear.
Fear, however, refused to let up its grip. Say she gave in, admitted she was as much in love with him. What would happen a week from now? Two? What if he decided his baggage was too much to handle, after all, and left? “I’m not sure I could handle another rejection,” she murmured.
“I know. Which is why I’m not going to pressure you. It’s an amazing rarity, in that I actually learned a second lesson this weekend. Forgiveness doesn’t come on my schedule. That’s why, as crazy as I am about you, I won’t force you to decide anything today.”
The hands returned to her shoulders, this time gently turning her around. His eyes were as dark and passionate as Chloe had ever seen. “I’m not walking away,” he told her. “I’m waiting for you. And I’ll wait as long as it takes”
His kiss was tender. Sweet without pressing, and so full of love, Chloe ached. Needing purchase, lest she fall, she grabbed his forearms. When the kiss finally ended, she kept her grip. Ian was her stability.
“See you soon, I hope, Curlilocks,” he whispered. Pressing one last kiss to her forehead, he started to walk away.
Chloe clutched at her middle. Run after him, her heart screamed. Not only did he claim to love her, he’d said he would wait until she made up her mind. No man had ever done that. Forget being rejected. Ian was right, love didn’t come with guarantees.