“Because I know so much about parenting and relationships?”
“You weren’t the only one who thought coming here was a good idea.”
“Oh, I know.”
He drawled the response, coating the words with bitterness. Chloe’s hackles stood on edge. “What are you saying? You’re not blaming me for this trip, are you?”
“Don’t give yourself so much credit. You only confirmed what I wanted to hear.”
Slowly, she pulled her scarf from around her neck. The wool was damp from the rain, but she spread the cloth over her legs, anyway. Kept her hands busy. “Nice to know I had such influence,” she said, smoothing the plaid.
Ian replied with a long exhalation. “I’m sorry.”
For what? Insulting her or bringing her along in the first place? There were so many ways she could take the comment. “I’m sure you are,” she replied.
He jerked the shift stick out of position. “Might as well get going. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”
An interminable drive at that. This time, however, it wasn’t the weather, but the distance between driver and passenger making the trip uncomfortable. Ian didn’t say a word and Chloe was too hurt, too frustrated, to try and draw him out. She spent the miles watching the rain streak her window.
The few times she looked in Ian’s direction, her stomach churned into knots. His profile had turned so hard and reproachful, it hurt to look. Then there were her own insecurities. As much as she tried to tell herself it was the failed meeting with Matt causing his turmoil, she couldn’t help worrying. If Ian could quit on the one person he claimed mattered more than anything in the world... With every mile that passed without contact or conversation, his angry words rang louder, and her insecurities grew stronger.
By the time they pulled up to the curb at her place, she was so tense she wanted to bolt straight from the car. “Home sweet home,” she said softly, as much to the window as herself.
“Sorry I wasn’t much company.”
Said in the same terse voice he’d been using since leaving the university, the apology didn’t hold much weight. He might as well have said “thanks for the good time” or “get out” for all the emotion behind his words.
Well, she’d be damned if she let her hurt feelings show. “Guess I’ll see you at the coffee shop tomorrow.”
“Sure.” At last some emotion broke through. Unfortunately, that emotion was regret. Compounded by his finally reaching out to touch her. His hand gently cradled her cheek. “Good night, Curlilocks.”
He meant goodbye. She saw the truth in his eyes. It took every effort, but she managed to step onto the sidewalk without showing her pain.
And to think this morning she’d actually almost thought about forever.
At least she could finally change her clothes and use her own hair dryer. Riding up in the elevator, she tried to list as many positives as possible. Anything to take her mind off the man who’d just driven away. She wouldn’t have to sleep in Josef’s nightshirt again, for example. One night was more than enough, thank you very much.
She much preferred sleeping in Ian’s arms....
Stop being a crybaby. Ian had endured a devastating rejection. He had every right to be distant and preoccupied. Only a self-absorbed ninny would make this moment about her.
Except his kiss did feel like goodbye....
And what if it was? The elevator doors opened and she stepped onto her floor. Not the relationship type, remember? You both said so. Relationships were for people like Del and—
“Larissa?”
On the floor next to the door sat her best friend, knees pulled tight to her chest. As soon as Chloe said her name, she looked up with red-rimmed eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t call,” she said. “I don’t have my phone.”
Her voice trembled as though she was barely holding it together. Chloe was frightened. “What happened? Are you okay?” A terrible thought occurred to her. “Is it Del—?”
Larissa shook her head. Fresh tears filled her eyes. “T-T-Tom left me.”
What? “Oh, sweetie, no.” She gathered the woman in her arms and hugged her tight.
Once Larissa calmed down a little, Chloe led her into her apartment and sat her on the love seat. La-roo immediately curled into the corner like a miserable blonde ball.
“I’m going to call Delilah,” Chloe told her. This was the kind of problem the three of them dealt with best together.
“No, don’t,” Larissa said. “This is her big week. I don’t want to ruin it for her with my bad news.”
“What happened? What do you mean, Tom left?” All Chloe could think was that Larissa misunderstood. Or she misunderstood Larissa.
“He said he met this woman at work, another broker, and they ‘clicked’.” She framed the word with her fingers. “Said she ‘got him’ better than I do. At least I think that’s what he said. Honestly, I wasn’t listening. I was too interested in getting out of the apartment.”
“If that’s the case, maybe you didn’t hear the whole story,” Chloe told her. That had to be it. “Maybe he had impure thoughts about this woman or something, and simply felt guilty. I bet if you call him—”
“He said ‘I don’t want to get married.’ Not much there to misunderstand.”
Dammit. Speechless, Chloe sank onto the sofa. Larissa was one of the good ones, too. Sweet, kind. Lovable. How could Tom walk out on her? What did that say about people like Chloe? “I don’t understand,” she murmured.
“I know. Everything was going so perfectly, too. We had the wedding all planned out.... “Oh my God, the wedding. What am I going to do about the wedding?” She burst into a fresh round of tears. “Why did this happen?”
Because men leave, Chloe thought as she rubbed her friend’s back. No matter how wonderful they make you feel, they eventually walk away. The best thing you could do was to walk away first before they could cause too much damage.
CHAPTER TEN
“I KNEW YOU’D go off on your own the minute you hung up the telephone. Do you ever listen to advice?”
“You can skip the lecture, Jack. I already know I made a mistake.” In more ways than one.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Ian massaged his temples, hoping the pressure would chase away the headache pounding in them. “I got impatient. You know as well as I do I suck at self-discipline.”
He heard Jack let out a breath. “Self-discipline isn’t your problem. It’s stubbornness.”
“You forgot selfishness,” Ian added, raising his mug.
“Where are you now?”
“Where do you think? I needed solace, and I didn’t want to go home.” Another mistake, as things turned out. Opening his eyes, he looked around the vacant coffee shop. For the first time since buying the place, he found the atmosphere didn’t bring comfort. Instead, the bright walls mocked him. Reminded him of firelight and spiral curls.
Amazing that it was Chloe he found himself thinking about. Matt was everything to him. His flesh and blood. The one real accomplishment in his life. Yet here he was, filled with as much self-loathing over hurting a girl—make that a woman—he’d known for less than a week as he was over hurting his son. How the hell did she get under his skin like that?
“See what I mean about self-discipline?” Jack was saying. “You could be in a bar.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t want to be. Only reason I’m not blitzed is I figured I’d screwed up enough this weekend.”
Unfortunately, Jack could help him with only one of his mistakes. “I knew he was angry, but... I’d been so focused on apologizing.” He’d never stopped to think about Matt’s role in the equation. Ian had been selfish and stubborn as always.
Chloe’s reaction had woken him up. He could still see her on the quad, desperate to make him to change his mind. And what did he do? Lose his temper. That’s when it hit him. Time pulled back and he was once again hurting someone he cared about. Only this time he didn’t have alcoholism to blame. Only himself.
“So what are you going to do?” Jack asked.
“Let her go.”
“Don’t you mean he?”
Right, they were talking about Matt. “What can I do? I can’t walk away. I need to apologize.”
“You did apologize, Ian. In your first letter, remember?”
Ian remembered. “I didn’t tell him the whole truth, though. About the alcoholism, about watching him grow up.” He needs to know you didn’t forget him. Wasn’t that what Chloe would say?
On the other end, Jack let out a long breath, a sign he was about to deliver a lecture. “Do you remember step nine?”
“You know I do.” Make direct amends wherever possible. “I’ve been living the step for the past eighteen months.”
“I know. Obsessively.”
“What’s that mean?”
Another long breath. “It means you don’t have to be obsessive, Ian. ‘Wherever possible.’ Sometimes the best we can do is try.”
“And if the attempt fails?”
“You live as good a life as you can and hope someday you get another chance.”
“In other words, I can’t make things happen on my timetable.”