Sweetest Sin(77)
“I never believed that she’d stay clean. I always thought this would happen again. I didn’t believe in her, and now I’m just thinking…what if it was a self-fulfilling prophecy?”
“It’s not your fault.”
“What if it is?”
“We want to feel powerful,” I said. “We look for reason and meaning in all things, but you know as well as I do, we have no control over others.”
If only I had learned that weeks ago.
Honor shrugged. “It’s God’s will?”
“I was talking about our own influence. How much we can guide and help another person. We want to protect them. We want to live up to their expectations, and them ours.” I brushed her soft cheek. “Sometimes it can feel like the greatest success or the worst failure, but every person is their own. We can’t control them, but, the lucky ones get to stay with them, support them, love them in whatever decision they make.”
She stared at me, shaking her head. “You’re such a mystery, Father Rafe.”
“I don’t try to be.”
“You have a good soul.”
“I doubt that.”
“I don’t. I can feel it.” She touched my hand. “And I’m grateful for it.”
That innocent touch would heal a thousand wounds to my heart and still cause the final slice that would end it all.
Footsteps shuffled into the waiting room. Honor stood, facing the pot-bellied doctor carrying his stethoscope, lab coat, and cup of coffee.
“Miss Thomas?” He asked. “I’m Doctor Bartlett. Let’s take a seat.”
I whispered to her, leaning close. “I’ll wait just down the hall. Come get me when you need.”
“No.” She spoke quickly. “Please. Can you stay?”
It wasn’t the first time a family asked me to stay while the doctor delivered news—good or bad. Whether it was an ill parent, a spouse in a car accident, a child in surgery, or the widowed wife of a soldier delivering their child alone, I had often stayed to help.
So why did I feel relieved to know Honor wanted me to stay? She wanted me to help her.
To be with her.
Doctor Bartlett exhaled as he sat at the nearby table, rubbing his hip as Honor clamored to her seat. He sipped his coffee as if it were his first break all evening.
“Well, your mother is a very lucky woman,” he said.
Honor didn’t believe him, and she wasted no time. “Was it Oxy or something else? I always knew she’d find a knock-off or something more dangerous.”
“Oxy?” Doctor Bartlett tapped the chart in his hand. “I know your mother has an extensive history of substance abuse, but it wasn’t painkillers tonight.”
Honor sat back. “Oh God. Please, tell me it wasn’t heroin.”
She found my hand under the table.
Squeezed.
I squeezed back.
“Miss Thomas, your mother took too much of her blood pressure medications.”
Honor blinked. “And it…causes a high?”
I hadn’t expected that. I leaned closer to her. “Honor, the doctor is saying this was an accident.”
She didn’t understand. “An accident?”
Doctor Bartlett flipped through the charts. “Her prescriptions look similar in size, shape, and color. Tell me, has she experienced any confusion lately? Forgetfulness maybe?”
“Yes. She’s…” Honor shrugged. “The drug use scrambled her a bit.”
“Has she displayed any behaviors which would lead you to believe she wanted to hurt herself?”
Her lip trembled. “No…but we had a f-fight…”
I answered for her. “No, Doctor. Donna’s a member of my parish. I didn’t know her when she was sick, but she’s nothing but vivacious and lively now. I never sensed any emotional distress in our conversations.”
Or confessions, though I couldn’t speak of those, even to Honor, even when Donna confessed her every sin to clear her soul so she could finally be a good enough mother to her daughter.
The doctor nodded. “Most likely, she didn’t realize she took her dose for the day. Or she assumed it was a different pill. Miss Thomas, does she take her medication at night?”
“Yes. Before bed.”
“Then I believe you found her in time. She’s still under right now. We’re keeping her in the ICU tonight. Tomorrow morning we’ll move her to a regular room just for observation.”
“She’s…okay?”
“We’ll monitor her through the night, take EKGs and other toxicology screens, but she is stable and should be fine.” He gathered his stethoscope and coat. “I’d recommend going home for the night. Your mother will be sleeping, and you can come back in the morning during visiting hours. Once she’s out of the ICU, you can stay as long as you wish.”