Sweetest Sin(56)
There it was. The truth was as ugly as I feared it’d be.
“Are you upset because I didn’t let you bring me to orgasm?” I laughed. “Is it your pride that’s hurt? Examine your own sins, Honor. You came upon my hands, and it was beautiful and natural and the greatest sin I ever tasted. I offered you a chance to confess it, and you refused.”
Her voice trembled. “You made me come.”
“And I will forgive it.”
“Of course you will. Because that’s who you are. What you do. You are the savior of my wretched soul, aren’t you, Father?”
My breathing quickened. I abandoned prayer and counted to ten.
“Don’t insult me,” I warned. “You have no idea the torment I’m enduring.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard of that torment.” She tapped her chin. “The guys on campus call it blue-balls. I can see how it might be uncomfortable, unlike the pit of Hell calling me home.”
My words tasted of poison and ash. “You want to talk about Hell? What we did in the confessional was worse than a sin, Honor. That vow between priest and penitent was broken. If anyone finds out what we did, I will be excommunicated.”
Just the word might have torn curtains and cracked the foundation of my soul.
Honor quieted. So did I.
“I violated more than just my job tonight,” I said. “I defiled a connection between a soul and God. And do you know why?”
She shook her head.
The truth stunned me, and I had no one I trusted who would understand, who would forgive me of this, my darkest confession.
“I would risk my faith, my vocation, my very soul because I can’t spend ten minutes apart from you.”
My words resonated. Honor looked away. Unacceptable. I forced the command into my voice, bidding her to meet my gaze.
“I wasn’t strong enough to push you away,” I said. “I couldn’t remove my cock from your lips for five minutes to hear a sinner’s confession. I was too obsessed with my own suffocating evils.”
I stepped closer to her.
She retreated, but her back struck the wall.
She couldn’t escape.
“You gave me such pleasure,” I whispered. “Such unholy pleasure. If we hadn’t been interrupted, I’d have sinned with you, Honor. I’d have allowed you to take me in your sweet mouth, between those perfect lips…”
I reached for her. She stilled under my touch, didn’t breathe, didn’t move. I stroked her cheek, and my thumb pressed over her mouth. She kissed me.
Heaven help me.
“I wanted it, Honor. I wanted to come in your mouth, over your tongue. I longed to watch you swallow my sin. But I didn’t. I fought it. And I nearly lost.” I silently groaned. “I knew what would happen if we were discovered.”
She shook her head. “I don’t believe you, Father. You liked the danger.”
“No.”
“I know the games you play.”
“What we do, say, and feel is more dangerous than any game, Honor.”
She twisted against the wall, determined to be free of me, to confess whatever fears and rage she suffered. I didn’t let her go. My hands slammed on either side of her, trapping her in my arms.
My little angel stilled, unable to fight me.
Where could she run that I wouldn’t chase?
Where could I hide that she wouldn’t burn my soul?
“You love that you didn’t come, Father,” she whispered. “Don’t pretend it’s a struggle for you. Your celibacy isn’t a virtue. It’s the source of your pride.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You’re proud of resisting, just as you’re proud of how I lust for you. You love that I come to you for help because you’re proud that you have all the answers. You use your faith to dominate me, Father.”
“That’s not true.”
“Every time you promise to save me, it’s self-righteous foreplay. You want to own me and my pleasure. You made me orgasm so I’d ruin myself—not for you, but because of you.”
My heart raged, and I’d have ripped it from my chest if it might have silenced her. “I want nothing more than to protect you.”
“No,” she whispered. “You don’t protect me. You seduce me. Shame me. Then redeem me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you get off on this, Father.” Her words tore at my very soul. “You love the control you have over me.”
I grabbed her, ripping a hand through her hair just so she’d gasp, so those plump lips would part and I could kiss her without a barrier between my fierceness and her tongue.
I didn’t pray as my hands tore through her clothes.