I thought I'd get stir crazy. I'd thought I'd systematically dust or wipe down surfaces to still the panic that would surely be building inside. But although the ledger wasn't far from my thoughts, I found myself... settled. Taking the time to play a round of Junior Monopoly with Daisy, mixing up a smoothie drink for us all to have out on the deck, making a picnic hamper to share on a blanket on the grass, or simply reading one of the up-to-date magazines from off the coffee table in the lounge.
Or just talking to Ryan.
He went to school with Dominic and Nicholas Anscombe; Genevieve and Eva's respective fiancés. His partner Harvey Stone was also in their high school group of friends. And even to this day they all get together at Christmas to celebrate their good fortune and the longevity of their friendship. He told me he'd been ready to settle down for some time now, watching Harvey with his wife and kid, and now both Dom and Nick setting wedding dates.
"Hell," he murmured, while wrapping an arm around my shoulder on the swing seat, as we watched Daisy play 'house' with a pile of blankets and several pillows for beds on the lawn. "Even little Katie Anscombe is getting married now. Never saw that one coming."
"So, this whole marriage lark you're on is because of some biological clock ticking?" I huffed out a laugh and swung my feet to make the swing sway. "I thought that was a female excuse."
He didn't say anything for a moment, just watched Daisy and helped rock the seat.
"You blind-sided me." The words were spoken so softly, I had to strain to hear them. "I walked into that office thinking I was chasing another dead end and there you were. For a moment my heart stopped beating, literally ceased to pump any blood. I think I may have had to steady myself against the door jam, but thankfully you were too busy to notice. Untying cords beneath your desk as though your life depended on it."
He shook his head and offered me a small smile.
"Completely stole my breath away and it made absolutely no sense."
We swung for a quiet moment, the gulls crying above, Daisy verbalising her house-play aloud.
"Did you believe in love at first sight?" I asked eventually.
"The second you turned around and faced me, having crawled out on your knees in that fucking fantastic tight skirt, and sucked in a breath of surprise when your eyes met mine."
"Before that?"
He chuckled. "For pansies and romance books."
I laughed. Yeah, I'd pretty much thought the same thing.
"It's electrical," he whispered. "It's... metaphysical. It can't be explained, or believed, until you experience it yourself."
"And not just for pansies and romance novel characters."
"Yeah," he whispered, turning to face me, his hand coming up and fingers cupping my chin, lifting my face to his for a kiss.
It was sweet and slow, a soft show of our emotions for each other. Then somehow, as it always does when Ryan kisses me, the world disappeared and the kiss deepened and I thought I'd found heaven. His fingers ran along the edge of my jaw, down my neck, and then back up again. His tongue delved and flicked and swirled, tangling with mine, tasting delicious, making my skin tingle and my body arch and my hands fist into his shirt.
A slow burn started deep down inside, my legs shifted restlessly as his free hand twisted fingers in my hair and tipped my head at just the right angle. He made a sound, which I mirrored; hungry, desperate, never quite getting enough. My breasts rubbed against his hard chest and the friction sent electricity shooting through my bones, stealing my breath, making my heart rate explode in a rush of anticipation.
I would always want more of Ryan's kisses. From that first kiss, in Ben and Abi's backyard under the Cherry Tree, I knew. He could never kiss me enough to sate my thirst for this man. For his teeth and tongue, for his touch, for what he made me feel just by pressing his lips against mine. He fuelled the flames, he stoked the fire, and all with a delicious, decadent, but thankfully family friendly kiss.
Oh, we wanted more. And we could have easily turned the snogging session into an x-rated show. It was borderline as it was. But we were both conscious of how quiet Daisy had gone. Of the fact my five year old daughter had stopped playing house and was watching the grown-ups play it way better.
We pulled apart, our eyes locked on each other. A conversation shared in just one heated, intense gaze. Then licking my lips I turned my head to look at Daisy. Hers was cocked to the side, eyes narrowed, one hand fisted on her hip.
Oh, crap.
"Hey, Daisy-girl," I offered with a smile, untangling myself from Ryan's arms, only to have Ryan wrap one around my shoulder and haul me back against his side.
It wasn't x-rated, but it was on purpose.