Sweet Seduction Shield(86)

My body started shaking; his face said it all. The trembles made it hard to hold on to him, but Ryan's grip was firm, tender and gentle, but ensuring I went nowhere. Trapping me in his embrace as his words imprisoned me in my own past.

The acrid stench of gun residue, the too vibrant blast of light, the deafening roar of a pistol being fired. Screams. Blood. The solid sensation of multiple somethings hitting me, then looking down at my chest and realising it was parts of Rick's brain and skull. My knees gave out and Ryan went with me to the floor of the shower, cradling me, rocking me as tears streamed down both our cheeks.

"I understand, Marie," he whispered, the sound of a thousand bees inside my head competing with his jagged voice. "Because I watched someone kill a loved one in front of me. Just like you."

Just like me.

I forced myself to look up at his face, to search his eyes and see the truth.

I'd witnessed my husband's murder. He'd witnessed his birth mother's murder.

And where I had run and hid, Ryan Pierce had become a cop, in order to help others avoid the same evil, vile, world shattering experience we'd both had.

"Did you get him?" I asked, the only thought left inside my numbed head.

"It took five years to gather enough evidence to convict him; he had good lawyers, the best advisers on his staff. And I was just a rookie cop. By the time he was put away for life, I was a Senior Constable. Not long after I made Detective. And not long after that I bought this house. Placed it in a trust, rent it out and what it earns goes to Women's Refuge. It's..." He paused, searching for the right words, I think. "It's my only link to her."

Wow. That was a hell of a lot to take in.

We were still sitting in the bottom of the shower stall, the water now cooler, but ceaselessly pounding down around our bodies. Ryan held me on his lap, arms loosely circling my waist, hand softly caressing my thigh.

Neither of us said a word for a while, just let that revelation sink in. My finger absently began to draw on his arm, unable to deny myself the touch. I realised, I'd recovered from my memories quicker than I had in the past. Not quite so trapped by them. They'd come, they'd rolled over me, hurting as they always did, but then they'd rolled on. And what had been left was Ryan.

Still with me. Still holding me up. Even though he'd just gone to hell and back too.

"You don't come here often, do you?" I asked, eventually.

"No," he whispered, reaching up and turning the taps off. Silence filled the space, sounding more deafening than the shower water had been only moments before. "I keep an eye on the bookings, the revenue. Make sure the Refuge is getting a fair cut."

He glanced around the small space we were in, as though only realising now we were on the floor. His face tipped down to look at me, intense brown capturing my heart.

"For the first time in over a decade I don't hate it," he announced.

"The house?"

His head shook from side to side, the water spilling off in tiny airborne droplets from the tips of his hair.

"What happened. What it made me become," he explained.

I reached up and brushed a longer strand of hair off his forehead, then because I couldn't help it, ran my fingers through his beard.

"Why not?"

"Because it led me to you, Tiger. And there's no one else I'd rather be with. No one else I'd want to walk this path with. No one else who fills the cold emptiness inside, replacing it with heat and sunshine and a bright future." His hand shook as he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I've fallen head over heels for you, Marie. For the first time in my life, I've found my other half. That part of me that went missing the night I watched her die. And if I spend the rest of my life trying to give that back to you, I will. Because you deserve happiness, you deserve safety, you deserve a good life."

"So do you."

"Oh, babe. I've found it. Why else do you think I haven't let you go?"

I shook my head as a soft smile graced my lips. Ryan Pierce had walked into my life and turned it upside down. It might have gone that way without him, I'm guessing Roan McLaren would have looked for me eventually with or without the attention of a cop. But from the moment Ryan appeared, my life changed.

I've had to embrace my fears. Face up to my past wrongdoings. Finally let go of my dead husband and start to live. Take a giant risk, and do what's right. Lower my shield of confidence and ice, and let a little warmth seep in. Become human again. And through it all, Ryan has been there.

Attraction does not equal love. What does? A shared understanding? A similarity in histories? A common goal?

Or is it sometimes indescribable. Something that sneaks up on you out of the blue at the most ridiculously inconvenient time.