Trained or not, even professionals get caught out.
Nick's eyes were on me.
"It's up to you, Marie. If you think the risk is too high, we flag it. Give Pierce instructions on where to find the ledger and hope he can find it."
It was a solid option, he could just flash his badge and storm in there, probably get a search warrant and level the place flat trying to find it. It was the safest path to tread. But I needed this. I needed to be the one to retrieve the book, to make sure it was still there. It wasn't logical. It wasn't a desire based on intelligent thought processes. It was from the gut, from deep inside where Rick used to live. His ledger, his hand writing, his deeds... all on display in a leather bound tome.
The book would destroy Roan McLaren, but it would also shatter what tiny sliver of peace Richard Costello had in death. His hand was all over that book. His accounting, his figures, his twist on New Zealand tax law. Everything I stood for as a chartered accountant was blatantly snubbed by my dead husband on each page. Forget the criminal activities, every dime that went in or out of McLaren's coffers was accounted for by Rick.
And every dime was dirty, but came out clean after it had spent a time or two between the pages.
I felt disgusted to be associated with the ledger. But I also felt compelled to be the one to hand it over to the Police. That had been my intention all those years ago. I needed to see that through to the end. I needed to touch it first, before Pierce did. Because despite everything he and I felt for each other, Ryan Pierce was a cop. And if he was the one to retrieve the book, then what did that say about me?
I flicked a glance over the table towards Daisy, who was munching a muffin in one hand and opening and shutting the little door on her newly decorated birdhouse with the other. The conversation was probably over her head, but the atmosphere would not have been missed. Her round eyes came up to meet mine. And held me there.
"You gotta do it, Mummy," she declared, crumbs falling all over her chin and chest as she spoke.
Yeah, I did. For her. For me. I nodded, but said, "Daisy-girl, look at all that mess." My voice was too light to be a reprimand, somehow over the past few days the constant need to clean up after my daughter didn't seem as important anymore. Daisy offered a wide smile and stuffed the rest of the muffin into her mouth in one go.
Adam snorted, Ben chuckled and Abi rushed over with a cloth.
"See, all gone, Mum," Abi declared once she'd fixed my daughter up.
"Marie?" Nick urged, when I still didn't say anything. Stuck on how easy it was to be with these people. How comfortable. How completely normal it felt. How much I didn't want it to end.
I took a quick look at all the faces in the room, each one watching me expectantly, but not in any way judgementally. I was an ice princess surrounded by bright rays of sunshine, and I think I was welcoming the burn.
"Let's do this," I said, holding Nick's gaze.
"All right," he said with a nod, pulling a cellphone from his pocket and swiping at the screen. "You get that?" he asked, as soon as it was answered. I couldn't hear the reply, but I was guessing he was talking to Eric at ASI. Who else would get what had just been said? "Yeah, we leave in fifteen. What can you see at the 'Cage?"
A pause, as Abi cleared the table and Ben helped her stack the dishwasher.
"That's good, keep him there until we arrive," Nick said, then swiped the cellphone screen to end the call. "Jason's outside the Birdcage waiting on us. He'll stay outside and keep an eye on the entrance, relay any changes as they occur."
"So, I guess we're set," I said, sucking in a fortifying breath of air.
"We're set," Nick declared, standing up and adjusting various things hanging from his belt. Taser, handcuffs. Gun. This was happening, and all because I'm a bit screwed in the head and need to finish what I started.
"It'll be all right, Marie," Ben said from across the table. His back to the window above the sink, his arms crossed over his broad chest. The others started to file out of the room, one by one, until it was just me, Daisy, Ben and Abi left.
"How do you know?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Because Pierce wouldn't have agreed to let us go in with you, if he wasn't sure the coast was already clear."
That's what he thought, and part of me wanted to believe it too. I must have shown some of my doubt on my face though, because Ben chuckled, shook his head and added, "He said to give you this."
A folded piece of paper was pulled from his jeans pocket and he reached forward and handed it over the table to me. Then with one last look at Abi, he clasped her hand and pulled her from the room. I sat stunned, staring at the still closed piece of paper, willing myself to open it up and read what was inside.