He sat motionless for a moment, just staring up at me. I was standing, towering over him, but still I felt so lost under that intense gaze. He held the key to my freedom, to our life continuing as we knew it, and there wasn't a blind thing I could do.
My eyes skipped over to the photo on my desk, my heart splitting open inside my chest. Oh fuck, what have I done? Tears felt hot and wet behind my lids, and my body began to shake with the desperate need to sob.
Or just the desperate need to get to her. To make sure she was still safe.
I heard the detective rise to his feet, but I couldn't stop staring at the photo.
I'd made some decidedly poor choices in my life. Some causing drastic and tragic results. I'd lived with my regret. I'd paid for my crimes in more ways than a person should. I'm no saint. I've lived off the profit of illegal actions and barely blinked an eye.
But just when I thought I could stop it all. Just when I thought I could do something right with all the wrong I'd been a part of, I paid the price. McLaren was too strong, too evil for me to fight back then. He is still those things now.
"Who is she?" the Detective asked, his voice right at my side again.
Where was my shield now? Where was the confidence I used to deflect, to disguise? I'd led a cop straight to the most precious part of me. I showed a weakness that right now, with Roan McLaren in the spotlight, I could not afford. Fuck! It was a price I could never afford to pay.
"She's your daughter, isn't she?" he said softly, quietly. Even respectfully. "Yours and Costello's," he surmised. Correctly.
Fuck you, Rick. Fuck you to the hell you live in and back.
"I think you should leave," I said, turning to look the detective in the eyes.
Maybe I shouldn't have. There was something there that felt so right, when nothing could ever feel that way again.
Compassion.
Understanding.
Both of which I did not deserve.
Chapter 2
I Was Frozen To The Spot
"He can't hurt you now," Detective Pierce said gently from beside me.
I was rigid with a feeling I had shunned for more than five years. The return of the emotion making me anything but the "ice princess" my work colleagues teased me as.
Everything was twisting and swirling around me, like a tornado threatening to pull the very air apart. I ran both hands over my cheeks, trying to get sensation and blood to return, then clasped my hair at my temples and gave a little tug.
"Jesus," I heard Pierce say. "Here, sit down. I'll get you a glass of water."
He vanished once I was seated, but returned in next to no time. I'd missed a minute there somewhere. He'd have had to ask Suzy out at reception where he could get the water from, and then go all the way to the other end of the office to fill a glass in the lunch room, before returning here. But it was as if I'd blinked and he disappeared. Then I blinked a second time and he came back.
"Drink this," he ordered, handing me a cool glass of water. I obeyed the command without a thought. "That's it," he encouraged, crouching down beside me. "And another sip."
I followed his instructions as though they were a lifeline. One sip after another, as he sat beside me, one hand along the back of my chair, the other across the desk's surface in front. He was surrounding me, and rather than feel claustrophobic, which was a normal response when anyone other than Daisy got too close, I felt... safe.
"You're doing great, Marie," he murmured softly at my side. "That's it, just one more sip and then things will be all right."
They wouldn't be. I knew this with a certainty. But still I did what he suggested and waited for the world to right itself.
My hand shook as I reached out to place the glass on my desk. Detective Pierce wrapped a warm, large palm around my wrist and helped to steady my grip. He took a fraction longer than necessary to release his grasp. We both sat there silently for a moment. Neither willing to break the tension that spanned between us. I couldn't tell if the result would be good or bad.
"Is she gonna be OK?" Suzy asked from the door.
My back automatically straightened and I turned to face the girl with a smile on my face.
"I'm fine, Suze. Just a headache, nothing more. The detective was kind enough to help me with a glass of water."
I could feel his surprised and intrigued gaze on my face. My cheeks heated from the obvious lie I'd just so easily spoken in his presence. Something I have been able to do successfully to hide the fear in the past. But with this man right now I felt exposed, despite my efforts to shield with familiar confidence.
"Do you need an Aspirin?" Suzy asked, standing tentatively at the threshold to the room. I was betting she was feeling bad about sending the cop into my office when I'd requested a few minutes reprieve first.