“And there I was.” I exhale a shuddery breath.
“Yeah. Standing on the courtroom steps. And I knew it was you. And I just had this feeling like…. she’s so fucking brave, you know?”
“Wait. What?” I study her. Her waves fall in a mussed curtain around her face. Her liquid eyes are wide. Honest. “What do you mean, brave?”
“I mean brave! For testifying against your own father, even though you knew what would happen to your family if you did. I can’t imagine anything worse. You did the right thing for so many people, El.”
I shake my head. “It was too late.” My phone buzzes again.
“Nah. It’s never too late. Not really.”
“Does Waverly know?”
“Hell, no,” Gwen laughs. “I’m not stupid. Nobody else knows, as far as I can tell.”
“But…” I squint at her. “You didn’t… why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“Why would I?”
I shrug. “You’re a journalist.”
She looks hurt. “First, I’m a human being. You wanted to start over, right? Who am I to get in your way? You did the right thing, so you get a second chance. That’s called karma, baby.”
Gwen has held my secret, kept it close. She’s chosen not to exploit it, or use it to tear me down. I relax just the tiniest bit. Lean into her.
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” I choke.
“I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you’d talk,” she says. “We all have things we don’t want to speak out loud.”
“I fucked things up with Luke. He hates me. And when Goodwin finds out that all the kids know, he’ll have to fire me.”
“Luke doesn’t hate you. And Goodwin would never abandon you like that, Ellie. You’re a good teacher. The kids love you.”
I shake my head. “It won’t be enough. And you didn’t see Luke’s face. He never wants to see me again, Gwen. It’s over.”
My phone buzzes a third time, and Gwen glances quizzically at me. When I give her a quick nod, she reaches into my bag and pulls out the phone. Checks the screen. “It’s a 212 number.”
New York. I shrug.
“I think… I mean, they’ve called a bunch of times.” She swipes the screen with her thumb and lifts the cell to her ear. “Elle’s phone.” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger as she waits. “She’s not available right now. Can I take a message?” Almost instantly, her face goes pale gray. The color of ash. “Hold on.” She extends the phone in my direction.
“You should take this. It’s the hospital. Calling about your sister.”
chapter twenty-eight
On the other end of the line, the nurse’s voice is clipped and kind. She gives me the facts, which I string together like ugly mismatched beads on a child’s necklace. Sleepover. Pills. Alcohol. Overdose. And then she lets me cry, or moan, or whatever animal sound escapes me while Gwen holds me on the floor of the cottage. Patiently, she tells me what she knows: that my sister left the sleepover upset. That she went home and locked herself in her bathroom with my mother’s pills and booze. That there was a note. In the note, she asked that I be contacted. My mother is on the way to the hospital.
Patiently, she tells me what she does not know: what happened to push her over the edge. Whether my sister, my sweet, fragile, Aria, will survive.
When there is nothing more to say, I thank the nurse. With shaky fingers, I try to end the call three times before Gwen takes the phone and does it for me. I can’t stop shaking, even though my skin is hot to the touch.
“What happened?” Gwen asks.
Silently, I shake my head. I don’t know. Does it matter? What matters is that my sister begged to live with me. She needed me. Again and again, I rejected her. This, like everything else, is my fault.
“I have to go to New York,” I whisper. I feel sick. Like I want to tear my way out of my own skin. But I can’t. Maybe that’s what Aria was trying to do tonight. Escape herself. Maybe her way is the only way.
“I know. We’ll get you a flight.” I think Gwen is crying. “The next flight out.”
I stare blankly ahead at nothing. There are so many questions, but I can’t slow my thoughts enough to focus. Did my mother find her? Does my father know? Could I have stopped her? Would saying yes to a move to Miami have saved her life?
Gwen clears her throat. “Elle. I’m going to call the airlines.” She pushes herself to her feet and then pulls me to mine. “And you go take a shower and pack. And we’ll figure the rest out later.”