The idea of him being inside me caused me to shiver. My body felt a tightness of anticipation. But I wanted him sober too. "Okay," I said breathlessly.
He rested his head on my shoulder then lowered his body until I could feel the hardness of his arousal between my legs. We were separated by clothing but the pressure made me squirm.
"Feel good?" he asked, his voice a dark whisper in my ear.
"Yes," I admitted. There was no denying I wanted this.
He pressed and rocked against me and on impulse I grabbed his arms and moved with him. The friction from his body felt better than the actual one experience I'd had with sex. Then I'd been nervous and scared. Unsure. Now I ached with the tease of real pleasure. This was Jasper. I loved him. Maybe that was the difference.
His breath was hot against my neck as his hand slid down my body, over my hips and down to my thigh to pull my leg up high against his hip. He continued working his body against mine and the deep sound of his groan almost made me climax.
"I want inside you so fucking bad," he said. His face was buried in my hair. His breathing becoming as erratic as mine. "I've got to stop. But I want you to come for me. Can I make you come for me?"
If I didn't come, I might explode. I nodded my head because I couldn't say words. Not at that moment.
He moved off me, and I started to grab him to bring him back. But his hand slipped under my pajama bottoms and he lifted his head until his eyes locked with mine. My body went still and I could barely breath. I began to pant as he eased his hand under the silk of my panties until his fingers slid between the wetness of my folds. My body took over then, and I jerked in response.
"Fuck, you're soaking," he said, his eyes dark as he watched me. He entered me then. One finger at first, then two. Slowly pumping to delay the build. I couldn't keep my eyes open. My head fell back, and my body took over, climbing toward that pleasure it knew was coming. I grabbed at his chest, my nails raking down. His mouth hoovered over my neck as his tongue flicked at my heated skin.
"Please," I begged because I had to get there. I needed him to go faster. Harder.
"Enjoy it," he said as he pressed deeper. I began to tremble as he held back from pushing me over the edge. My head tossed back and forth against the pillow and I cried out as the clawing need inside me grew.
Just when I was about to beg him again, his thumb pressed my clit with the right amount of pressure and his fingers slammed into me in one move.
"Oh, God!" I cried out and the world exploded around me. The electricity of an orgasm given to me by a man I loved. An orgasm I didn't give myself. The strength of it rocked my body so hard I lost my breath. I was okay like this. Lost in this world floating from a high that had been amazing. And he'd only used his hand.
He pulled me into his arms and rolled to his side taking me with him. I floated down from my euphoria, wrapped in his embrace. His breath on my neck and his smell all around me.
Exhaustion from the day and the experience took over, and I let myself relax and trust this. Trust him. I didn't bring up my concerns. I wasn't sure I needed to because this felt right. It was safe . . . I felt safe. The way he held me against him I didn't feel alone. Not anymore. No words were spoken by either of us, but we didn't need any words. Moments came in life that you didn't question. I hadn't had many, but this was one.
It was a terrible idea, but a perfect one all the same. Loving Jasper would be the easiest thing I had ever done. Was it fair not to take a chance on love? I saw his heart. He was good. He was trustworthy. He wasn't going to destroy me and leave me unable to take care of Heidi. His heart was too big for that. This wasn't a mistake. It couldn't be.
My eyes fluttered open slowly and I turned my head to look up at him. His eyes were closed. Long eyelashes fanned his cheekbones. Perfect cheekbones. He didn't have a flaw. It was the man inside, the one overcoming his own pain that I loved. He was so much more than a spoiled rich kid. He was a fighter, and I respected that. If I didn't, I couldn't have fallen in love with him.
Jasper
I HAD STEPPED OVER THE line. No, I'd blown the line completely away. There was no line anymore. It had taken the whiskey to push me over, but I would have eventually done it anyway.
There was no keeping Beulah at arm's length. I didn't want her at arm's length. I wanted Beulah right where she was at this moment. In my arms. Asleep, looking so damn beautiful it hurt.
We had to figure this all out now. Find a way to make it all work. Because I wanted this. I might have been drunk last night, but I'd been honest. Being with her made me happy. Happier than I could ever remember. I was willing to do anything to be with her.
I needed to prepare myself for her arguments, though. She wouldn't be okay with moving out of the basement. I knew that was going to be the first issue. But I wasn't going to sleep up here in this bed knowing she was down there with the washing machine. I'd sleep with her if she refused. That should fix that.
Stone would be a problem when he returned. I'd have to talk to him. Make sure he changed his attitude with her. I wasn't going to allow him to talk down to her any longer. I hated he did it before. I'd let it slide for selfish reasons. Mostly because I knew the affect Stone had on females. He'd been able to charm women his entire life. I was afraid if he were nice to Beulah she'd fall under the spell he so easily cast when he wanted to.
Maisie and I had ended things after I found her coming on to Stone in her bra and panties. He'd been turning her down of course, but she'd been after him. That was the last straw for both of us. She wasn't the first girl in my past to want Stone.
He was my best friend, and not once had he ever taken one of my girlfriends up on their flirting and propositions. He'd ignored their advances and been cruel until they were gone from my life. Once he knew they would cheat, he made sure to make their lives hell. I never realized what he was doing until it was done.
Beulah was different though. She was nothing like the others. He didn't need to mistreat her. She would never come on to him. She was here. Tucked against me, trusting me. I had the power to hurt her, and not just her heart, but through her income. She loved Heidi above all else. And she trusted me even with that. It was humbling.
When I had started drinking last night I'd thought that her fear for Heidi's security might be the reason I could never have her. That she'd not let us have more. That all I would ever get was a good employee and possibly a friendship.
She'd surprised me. With that trust she'd handed over, I would make sure that she was taken care of. Heidi would never be without her home. And Beulah would be secure in that. I'd handle it today. I could pay in advance for the next ten years. It would ease any concerns or fears Beulah might harbor.
We would be free to enjoy this. I'd found her and I wanted it all with her.
Beulah stirred in my arms and I watched as her eyes slowly blinked open. A sleepy smile spread across her face as she stretched and stared up at me. "So that wasn't a dream," she said in a voice thick from sleep.
"It was very real," I assured her, bending to kiss her nose.
She turned closer and buried her head in my chest. "How can this work?"
"When you're in love, you find a way. We can work it out together. Starting with my handling your worries about Heidi. I'm going to pay for her care, ten years in advance today." Before I could say more, Beulah's head shot up and she looked at me like I'd lost my mind.
"What? You can't do that . . . that's a fortune!"
"I'm sure they'll give me a discount. Although I don't care about the cost. I want Heidi taken care of regardless of what happens with us. I don't intend to let you go, but if you ever want to walk away, I want you to have that freedom. I don't want you staying with me because you are scared of losing your employment. I want you to want me. Because God knows I don't want to think about life without you."
Beulah sat up and pushed her hair back out of her face with both hands, then pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "Jasper, that's not okay. I mean the idea of Heidi's care and home being secure is . . . completely amazing. But it is a fairy tale. I don't live in that world. And just because we," she paused and looked at me. "We are doing this, and that's my gamble to take. You shouldn't have to pay me to have me in your life. That's . . . well, it's wrong. It's unfair."