After that was all taken care of, I looked toward the stairs and thought about going up to check on things. Then I looked at my feet and slipped the socks on. Jasper had asked me not to walk around on them. So I didn't.
The footsteps on the stairs surprised me and I sat back up from having just laid down.
"You dressed?" Jasper asked.
I hadn't expected him again.
"Yes," I replied refusing to be embarrassed by my pajamas. I loved them. I didn't care if they were worn and faded. I didn't care what Jasper thought. At least, I didn't want to care. That counted for something.
He came around the corner carrying a cup of tea and a plate of food. "Thought you might be hungry."
"Thank you, but you've got company. A lot of it. You don't have to keep leaving them to come check on me."
"Everyone is gone. I ended the party early and cleared the place out. We have a large portion of leftovers so there is no need for you to cook the next couple of days. The caterer left instructions on how to heat things up."
Now I felt even worse. "I am so sorry, Jasper. I should have gotten shoes before now. I ruined your party."
He sat the plate down on the table beside my bed. "I didn't want to have that party. It was pointless and annoying. I forced myself to have the party. I wanted to convince myself it was what I wanted. It used to be what I wanted. But things have changed."
He didn't look happy about that change. "Work? Is it more than you wanted?" I asked.
The corner of his mouth tilted up as he looked at me. "Yeah. It is."
I nodded my head in understanding. "What would make you happy then if not a party?" I wanted him to be happy. It was odd how that had become important to me. I just didn't know what to do to make him happy.
"Something I don't deserve."
That wasn't really an answer. I waited, thinking he'd say more but he didn't.
"Eat that. Get full. Rest. And don't come upstairs early. Sleep in. You'll have new tennis shoes when you get up. I'm sending for them in the morning. And some socks. Good thick socks. The kind that feel so damn good you don't want to take them off."
I laughed. "Okay. But I have socks. You don't have to get those."
"You don't have these socks. You need them."
I started to say something else about not needing socks and he cut me off. "Beulah, if you're about to argue with me don't bother. Let me buy the socks. I may need to buy the whole damn store out. I need something to make this ache in my chest at the sight of your feet go away."
My heart squeezed, and then did a little flutter. He was making this worse. My feelings for him were growing. I wanted to tell him he needed to stop this. Stop being so kind. But I couldn't. "Okay. Thank you."
He gave me a relieved smile. "Goodnight, Beulah."
"Goodnight," I replied.
Then I watched him leave. Long after he was gone and the food was finished, I laid in bed with a smile. Because being in love wasn't all bad. Sometimes it felt like warm sunshine.
Jasper
"YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE."
Stone was probably right. I just didn't give a shit. I had fought this all I could. Last night when I'd heard the bartender asked her out, I'd immediately been jealous. Then I saw her feet and it was painful. Seeing her hurt physically pained me.
"I bought her shoes. She needed them," I told him getting some cheese from the party last night out of the fridge.
"She's asleep. Because you told her to sleep in. She's an employee and you're not treating her like one. You're blurring the lines. It's a fucking nightmare waiting to happen."
I wasn't going to do anything to hurt her. "I'm helping her. She's hurt, and I am showing compassion. Get some. It'll do your cold heart good."
"This isn't about fucking compassion. It's about you being attracted to her. I get that. She's gorgeous and has the whole damsel in distress, sweet thing, going for her. You like to save people. It's that damn heart of yours being too big. But this time, you're dancing too close to the flame and you need to back the hell up."
I was past the being too close to the flame. I'd been consumed. It had taken me under last night. No need to tell him that though. It would just send him over the top. "Are you hungry? We've got some good stuff in here," I said changing the subject.
"What the fuck ever," he said with frustration. "I can't save you from yourself. I don't have the time to try. I'm going to go get the shit done that needs done, then I need some space. You jump off that cliff if you want to. But while you're making mistakes, try not to crush her in the meantime. She's not like the others. Which is why you're so damn attracted to her."
I finished getting food out of the fridge and didn't respond. When he turned to leave, I spoke up. "I won't hurt her."
He paused but didn't look back at me. "You won't mean to."
Then he left.
I stared at the door that led to her room downstairs. Last night, I had checked out the yellow guest bedroom and thought about moving her up there. Near me. In a real bedroom with a real bathroom. Before I had finally fallen asleep, I'd decided it was a good idea.
In the light of day, I wasn't so sure. If I was going to blur the lines, it was better to just erase them. Could I do that though? She needed saving. She needed someone to depend on.
I wanted to be that someone. It had been a long time since I wanted that. Maisie had been every nightmare a relationship could be. She was exactly like my mother. Selfish, vain, demanding, and a cheater. She needed men to want her. She was completely fucked in the head. When she'd broken things off she wanted me to beg her not to. She had wanted me to grovel.
I had felt like throwing a motherfucking party. Being free of her and the life I didn't want with her was the best thing that had happened to me in a while. Coming back here hadn't been so bad until I had to see my mother.
"I didn't set my alarm. I slept later than I thought I would." Beulah's voice was soft and slightly husky from sleep. I had been so deep in my thoughts I hadn't heard her come up the stairs.
"You needed the rest," I looked down to see she was still wearing the socks I had brought her last night. "I got you some new shoes and socks as promised. But until you have to go somewhere just wear the socks. You look good in them."
She glanced at her feet and laughed. "Thanks. I think."
"Sit. I'll fix you something to eat. There's a ton of food in the fridge that the caterers left."
Her head snapped back up and she looked at me with wide eyes. "You can't fix me food. That's my job."
"I'm the boss. I can do whatever I want. And I want to fix you breakfast."
The soft smile on her face should have scared me. It should have been a warning. But I wanted it. I wanted her. I didn't give a fuck about our impossible situation. "Fine then. I'm starving," she said as she walked over and sat on one of the stools at the bar.
"Did you sleep good?" I asked.
I wasn't sure what she liked to eat. So I made her a plate of everything I put on mine.
"Yes. Thank you. For the shoes and socks. I should have bought some before now."
The uniform was Portia's doing, so she should have supplied shoes that fit correctly. I didn't point that out though. I didn't want to talk about Portia. She wasn't here and for once I was at peace being home.
"How's Heidi?" I asked instead.
"Better! I talked to her yesterday. She feels good and was cleared to go to the crafts room yesterday. That's all she could talk about. Well that, and she asked if I could bring cupcakes today. I have them tucked away in the fridge."
"You should take her some of the sweets that are left from the party."
"Thank you. She'd like that."
The love in her voice was real. That was what I imagined families should be like. I was an only child and my parents were never around when I was growing up. My friends all had similar lives. But what Beulah had was what I wanted as a kid. I wanted that unconditional love. I bet her mother was everything to her. I knew Heidi was. She had unconditional love from Heidi, and she gave in return.
"What was your mother like?" I asked before I thought that through. She may not be ready to talk about her mother. I didn't look up as I back pedaled. "I'm sorry, I didn't think before I spoke. You're . . . I just thought . . . I was wondering if she looked like you." I almost said she was the most unique female I'd ever met. That had to be something her mother gave her.