She could barely breathe, afraid to trust her ability to decipher his words.
"But you were biding your time before moving on to bigger, better things, as you should have been," he clarified. "I want you to succeed. I want your dreams to come true and for you to know that all your efforts to parent yourself, to work your fingers to the bone for a prom dress, school books, and tuition weren't for nothing."
He paced in front of the window, the truth burning like acid.
"I have feelings for you, Serena. You must have known that," he finally said. "But I'll never be the kind of selfish man who puts you in a position to choose between work and a relationship. You struggled, working your butt off your whole life for this type of opportunity. If we had kissed, there would be no holding back for me, and you'd be left wondering what if you had stayed in a job you didn't really want. And then you'd regret it and probably resent me. The worst thing I can imagine is seeing that in your eyes day after day, knowing I had the power to change it and was too selfish to do so."
She felt her heart slicing down the middle.
"So, yeah, I messed up twice by almost kissing you," he said apologetically. "But I realized my mistake, and I hope it's not too late to salvage our friendship."
She didn't even know how to respond and stood dumbfounded, swiping at her tears. Even with his feelings for her, he was playing the part of her protector, and the worst part about it was that he was right. Every darn thing he said was probably what would have happened if they had kissed-all those years ago, or last night.
"I'm sorry, Serena." He gently touched her arm, his voice thick with regret. "What can I do to make it up to you?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." Just an idiot. "I'd better go." She stumbled toward the door in a haze. "I'll write this stuff up and have it on your desk in the morning."
Chapter Five
SERENA STARED ABSENTLY at the chocolate chip pancakes on her plate Friday morning, listening to the girls laughing at Emery's ridiculous yoga jokes. This was Serena's last breakfast with her friends before she moved. They'd helped her pack last night, and she'd been so upset over what had happened with Drake, she'd refused to talk about her new job at all. If she talked about work, her mind raced right back to him, and she was afraid she'd tell them everything. Packing had taken only two hours, but the girls had hung out on the patio with her until almost two o'clock in the morning. By the time they'd gone home, she was feeling a little better.
Then came the silence.
And the sight of her life boxed up and ready to move.
She'd thought she might hear from Drake, but he hadn't reached out. Reality had crashed down on her again, bringing with it more tears. She wasn't sure which was worse. Wondering if he'd never felt the heat between them, or knowing he'd chosen not to act on it, regardless of his reasons.
"Are we allowed to talk about work today?" Mira asked carefully, bringing Serena's mind back to the present.
"Sure," she said blandly. She could handle a conversation about work, couldn't she? Soon the guys would be back from their run and Violet would come barging in with her racy comments, and the world would be right again.
Except her world was too upside down to ever feel right again. She knew she'd have to get used to a new normal.
Ugh. New normal.
The term made her feel like a divorced woman.
"Do you think the guys will hire someone today?" Mira said.
"Are you kidding? I thought this was going to be easy. I've brought in six people I thought were perfect, but according to Drake, they were either too young, not strong enough communicators, or maybe they just breathed too heavy. Who knows." Serena sighed, remembering how thankful she'd been that she'd found so many qualified candidates so quickly and how deflated she'd felt after Drake had interviewed each one. "You know the daughter of the lady who runs the mini golf in Orleans?"
"Diane?" Chloe set down her juice glass. "Her grandmother lives at LOCAL. I see her all the time."
Chloe rarely joined them for breakfast, but Serena was glad she was there today.
"Hagan loves Diane. Matt takes him there on the weekends when I'm working." Mira worked for Matt's father at their family's hardware store. "If Diane is there, she always gives him free ice cream."
"Her daughter Daphne moved back to Eastham last fall from Wilmington, North Carolina, where she ran a small resort like Bayside. She'd gone through a divorce after having her little girl and wanted to be closer to her family. It must have been a bad divorce, because she changed her name back to Zablonski. Anyway, she's been working for Ocean Edge Resort in Brewster, and she doesn't like how big and impersonal it is, so Diane gave her my name. She's ideal for the job, but Drake said she would probably get overwhelmed." Serena rolled her eyes. "She worked at Ocean Edge, only the biggest, most glamorous resort on the Cape. That place has way more rooms and cottages than we do. She was unflappable. I think he's making it difficult on purpose. But that doesn't make sense, because he's never been like that."
Although he'd broken her heart last night, he'd been completely honest with her, and as much as she hated it, it still didn't warrant what she'd implied.
"You're right," Mira said. "It doesn't make sense. It's not his style to make things hard on others. He's a fixer. Remember how he stepped in after our dad died and helped with everything?"
Serena felt a stab of sadness. She and Mira had been thirteen when Mr. Savage had fallen overboard during a freak storm and was lost at sea. Rick was fourteen, and Drake had been almost sixteen. It had been a treacherous time for all of them, as Mr. Savage had been like a father to Serena and Chloe. At an age when other kids were out causing trouble and thinking only of themselves, Drake had been focused on making sure everyone else was okay. Including Serena.
"I remember sleeping over at your house shortly after your father died," Serena said. "We were bawling, and Drake came in to comfort us. He dragged us outside-"
"Because everything is easier under the stars," Mira and Chloe said at the same time Serena did.
"I forgot you were there," Serena said to Chloe. Although Chloe was Rick's age and she was close with Mira's family, she'd always had her own group of friends.
"I didn't sleep over," Chloe said. "I had been out at a party that night and saw you guys in the yard when I was coming home, remember?"
"I remember now."
"Drake's just going to miss you," Desiree said. "At least that's what Rick said. He said even Drake doesn't realize how much he'll miss you."
"I'm going to miss him, too. If I don't kill him before I leave." Serena turned toward the dunes so her friends wouldn't see her sadness.
The rumble of Violet's motorcycle drew their attention. Violet pulled off her helmet and shook out her long black hair. She tucked her helmet beneath her arm and crossed the lawn toward them.
Emery leaned forward, lowering her voice, and said, "Where has she been this morning?"
"She didn't come home last night," Desiree said quietly.
"Really? Who was she with?" Serena asked. Violet's mysterious life outside of the inn had always intrigued Serena.
"No idea," Desiree said. "But she never tells me anything about her personal life."
"What's the matter?" Violet said as she approached. "You're looking at me like I'm a unicorn."
"Nothing," Desiree said. "Want some pancakes?"
Violet picked up a pancake from the plate in the middle of the table and bit into it. "Thanks."
"I think I know why he's having trouble replacing you, Serena," Mira said.
"Are you still pondering Drake?" Violet asked as she pulled out a chair and sat down. "For smart women, you girls sure are dense. He's a guy. He wants to sleep with her. Is that so hard to understand?"
"Violet!" Desiree snapped.
Serena's cheeks burned. She couldn't tell them that he'd pretty much admitted to that last night or that it was never going to happen. It suddenly felt too personal-and embarrassing.
"Even if it's true, can you please temper it, Vi?" Mira said exasperatingly. "He's still my brother, and I have a different theory. If you take the friendship out of the equation and think about it purely from an employer's standpoint, he's worked with Serena for so many years; he probably just doesn't want to lose her."
"Maybe," Violet said. "But he still wants to take her six ways to Sunday."
"Ohmygosh," Serena said, covering her face.
Ignoring Violet's comment, Mira said, "Serena, you're an amazing multitasker and you do the job of two people, so part of him probably does worry that someone else might get overwhelmed. Any boss would feel the same way. You guys have become seriously symbiotic on every level. That's hard to find in a friend, much less an employer-employee relationship. Like me and Matt's dad at the hardware store. And you're never in a bad mood, which is amazing considering you have to put up with my brothers."