Sweet Filthy Boy(47)

I’m aware of every breath he takes, every word and grunt as it leaves his lips, the sound of his skin where it slaps against mine. There’s a shout from outside and I look over toward the window. Ansel touches my chin, smiles as he brings my attention back, and kisses me. I can still taste the wine he must have had while he started dinner; I can smell the lingering trace of his aftershave. But I can also hear sounds on the street, feel the heavy, humid air in the apartment pressing down over us.

It occurs to me that I didn’t notice any of those things before, not when we were together in Vegas or his hotel room. I was so lost in the fantasy of where we were and what we were doing, pretending to be someone else with a different life, that I forgot to think or worry; all I wanted was him.

Ansel speeds up and reaches between us, his fingers slipping to where he’s inside me before moving up to my clit. And it feels good, it does. Being with him feels good and his sounds are amazing and it’s only been a few minutes but . . . oh . . . I feel something.

There? There.

“Yes,” I breathe, and he curses in response, hips accelerating. And wow, that is definitely helping because there it is again, a flicker, a tightening deep in my stomach. Pressure builds, heavy and there again and I’m close.

I think?

Yes.

No.

. . . maybe?

I shift my hips and he shifts his in response, harder again and faster until the headboard begins tapping steadily against the wall behind me and . . .

That might be hard to tune out. What about the neighbors?

Ugh, brain, shut up. I squeeze my eyes closed and refocus, take a deep breath and look up. Ansel is gorgeous above me, whispering dirty little things in my ear, some of them I understand and others, hell, he could probably read me his grocery list and it would be hot.

“I can practically hear you thinking, Cerise,” he says into my ear. “Stop.”

God I’m trying. I slide my legs higher up his sides and try to guide him, silently begging my body to get back to that place where my limbs melt and I hear nothing but white noise and the sound of him coming and coming but . . . shit, that is so not happening. Stupid body. Stupid brain. Stupid temperamental orgasm.

“Let me hear you,” he says, but it sounds a lot like a question. Like he’s asking me. “You don’t have to be quiet.”

Am I being quiet? I groan at how awkward I feel and close my eyes, wondering if I should just tell him he doesn’t have to wait for me, remind him that sometimes my body takes too long or, I can’t believe I’m thinking this, if I should fake it.

“Ansel,” I say, and tighten my grip on his shoulders because frankly, I have absolutely no idea what’s about to come out of my mouth. “You feel so good, but—”

Apparently that’s all he needed.

“Oh God,” he moans. “Not yet, not yet.”

He bites his lip, twists the fingers of one hand into my hair while the other moves to cup my ass, lifting me to him. Closer. He leans down and groans into my mouth and if I wasn’t so lost in my own head dear God all of this would be hot.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he growls and pushes into me one final time, so deep I feel like I’m practically folded in half. The air escapes my lungs in a whoosh as he collapses against me and I blink up at the ceiling.

I’m familiar with this moment; it’s the same one I’ve had over and over throughout my life. The moment when my body didn’t quite get there and I’m left with this worry that there’s something wrong with me. That maybe I’ll never have routine orgasms with another person.

Ansel kisses me once on the lips, warm and lingering, before he grips the condom and pulls out. “You okay?” he asks, bending to catch my eyes.

I stretch, do my best to look thoroughly wrecked, and smile up at him. “Absolutely. Just”—I pause for a very dramatic yawn—“sorelaxednow,” I say sleepily.

I can see the words on the tip of his tongue, the question: Did you?

“Do you want dinner?” he asks instead, kissing my chin. His voice has a slight shake to it, a breath of uncertainty.

Nodding, I watch as he rolls out of bed, puts his clothes back on, and smiles sweetly at me before ducking out of the bedroom.





Chapter TEN




THREE MORE DAYS pass in a blur of sightseeing, rich food, coffee, and worn-out feet, with only a few hours at home, awake with Ansel. He’s easy to be near, his goofiness returning after he’s had time to decompress from his day, and he has the rare ability to get me talking and laughing about anything: vegetables, sports, film, shoe size/penis size correlations, and my favorite places to be kissed.

But neither of us seems to know how to get the comfort of touching back. On the couch Wednesday night, he cuddles me, kisses the top of my head, translating a French crime drama in quiet whispers. He kisses my temple when he leaves for work and calls at noon and four every day.