“Your hair’s grown a lot,” I said to him.
“So has your bottom.”
My eyes rounded and blood rushed to my face. Veronica hooted with hilarity, bending at the waist. Even Jay let out a loud snicker, the traitor.
I wished Kaidan weren’t so perceptive, but it was true. The feminine curves that had always eluded me were finally making an appearance. Stupid tight dress.
“Dude, you can get away with anything,” said the pirate to the straight-faced ape.
“I meant it as a compliment.”
“That was awesome.” Veronica grabbed Jay by the hand. “Come on. Let’s go find me a drink.”
She winked at me as they ambled away. I gave my attention to the dry, trampled grass and scattered cans for a moment before working up the nerve to say something.
“My dad gave me a cell phone.” And a car. And a ton of money.
Kaidan set the ape head on the ground and pulled his phone from a fuzzy pocket, blowing off brown lint. Then he held his furry thumbs above the buttons and nodded at me. I started to give him my number, but his brow creased in frustration with the big, costumed hands.
“Here,” I said, taking his phone. Saving my number for him gave me a thrill.
He pocketed the cell again and looked at me with curiosity. “How did things go with your father and the training?”
“It went fine. I guess.” I crossed my arms. “I know my drinking limits now and all that.”
He nodded, examining me. I thought I’d feel inconspicuous and hidden in the safety of a costume, but instead I wished I weren’t green. My eyes scouted the crowd. I expected to see the dark shadows of whisperers at any moment, which hastened my need to be frank with Kaidan.
“I understand what you meant now about the dangers of... being together.” I stepped closer. “I didn’t get it then, Kai, but I do now.”
Music started playing, and he shifted toward the stage so he wasn’t quite facing me. His head moved with the beat of the song, and I wondered whether he realized he was doing it.
“I know it’s risky to see each other,” I went on, steady. “But we could talk on the phone when your father’s not around. If you wanted.”
I braced myself, waiting for his reaction. Hoping.
“That’s not a good idea,” he said, watching the band.
I worried I’d pushed him too far, been too open. Panic rose inside me. Any second now he would start shutting down, and this conversation would be over. I had so much I wanted to say.
Screams came from a group of people nearby. A guy dressed as Yoda was spraying beer from the keg tap at the crowd. Kaidan watched them while I took a step closer. Inches separated us now.
“I think about our trip all the time,” I whispered. He continued to watch the group as they wrestled Yoda to the ground. “Do you ever think about it?”
His eyes roamed over the crowd as he responded. “Sometimes.”
He was pushing me away. My alarm rose to the next level. I grabbed two handfuls of fur from his gorilla chest, wanting him to look at me, but he wouldn’t.
I swallowed my emotions, not letting go. “Why did you invite Jay to this party?”
“I don’t know,” he said.
I gripped the fur tighter, pulling down.
“I can’t keep living like this, Kai. I need to know how you feel. I need to know one way or another so I can have some sort of closure.”
“I thought you’d be over it by now.” When he finally cast his severe gaze down at me, I wanted to pound his chest.
“It doesn’t work like that,” I told him.
He held my eyes and said nothing more. So that was how it was going to be. Fine. I let go of his costume and stepped back. It was dark outside now. Two fire pits were lit, and the flames mocked me with their trippy dance. Smoke drifted our way, thick and choking.
“Don’t invite Jay to any more parties, Kaidan. If there’s even the slightest chance you’ll be there somewhere, I’m not going. It hurts too much to see you.”
“So why did you come?” he asked with little interest.
Why, indeed? The weight of the wig and hat became too much. I pulled them off and let them drop, matted hair falling across my shoulders. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
His mouth opened as he registered my chopped, lighter hair, but he quickly shut it.
“You should go then,” he said, voice low.
Stupefied, I nodded in agreement. It was over. He wouldn’t open up to me, tonight or ever. It hurt to see his stubborn, hard expression of indifference. I couldn’t bring myself to say good-bye as I turned away, going in no particular direction. Don’t turn back around, I ordered myself.