I was floored by his certainty. He was prepared to face whatever life and death delivered him.
“Have you said any of this to the others?” I asked him.
“In years past. But their situations are different.”
“Do you think any of them believe in what they do?”
“I could not bear their presence if they did. Blake and Marna do as they are told, but minimally and with no enthusiasm. Kaidan and Ginger have been the best workers, but over time I have observed much. They have strong wills to live, and they will do what is necessary to stay alive. But they are not happy. Being controlled and being unloved is not a natural way of life.”
“No, it’s not. What about other Nephilim?”
“Not all Nephilim despise their lives. There are many who seem to embrace their work and believe in the cause. I suppose there is no way of truly knowing one’s heart until one is put to the test.”
I pondered those words as we rode in comfortable silence the rest of the way to the party.
I sat on a couch between Jay and Kopano in some stranger’s old house, feeling jittery. Marna was on Jay’s other side, and the two of them talked. Ginger and Blake examined pictures on the wall, many of which were autographed by musicians.
An excited throng of girls waited in the front room for the band to arrive. I should have known this would be a groupie party. I swore that the second I saw Kaidan’s hands on another girl, I was out of there, even if it meant walking home. I knew he had to work, but I did not have to be a witness.
All of the guys were throwing back beers and talking animatedly about acoustics and instrumentals and the sound system that ran through the house. Local band music blared from the walls of every room.
I crossed my legs, then uncrossed them and crossed them on the other side. Kopano glanced down at my fidgeting, but did not comment.
“Oh, my gawd, they’re here!” squealed one of the girls from the other room, and my abs got tight.
I had a fleeting urge to snatch the half-full beer from Marna’s hand and chug it down. The door opened and people cheered. I rubbed my damp palms on the thighs of the jean skirt Jay’s sister had given me for my birthday.
Jay turned to me.
“You okay?”
I nodded and forced a smile. I wasn’t fooling him, of course, but he gave me that goofy half grin, and I knew he would take me home in a heartbeat if I asked him to, even if it meant cutting off his conversation with Marna.
As the band members came into the room, one by one, the entire party converged. People huddled together, vying for attention and time to talk with them. I tried not to look at the girls surrounding Kaidan, asking him to sign their cleavage and thighs with permanent markers.
“Come,” Kopano said to me, standing. I followed without question. We went into the kitchen, finding an unoccupied corner, and I checked out the beverage selection.
I reached for a Coca-Cola.
“Want some?” I asked.
“I do not drink caffeine,” he said.
“Wow, you make me look like a bad girl; that’s hard to do.”
He cracked a big smile for the first time I’d seen, and a huge dimple appeared in his right cheek. A butterfly wing flapped in my stomach. I turned my attention back to the drinks, fumbling a little for a cup.
“Don’t let me pressure you,” I said. “I was only kidding. We don’t need you all hyped up on caffeine. How about ginger ale instead?”
“Is that drink not only for upset stomachs?”
“Nope. It’s pretty good.” I poured a tiny bit into a cup and held it out. “Here, take a sip.”
He took the cup and drank. “Reminds me of champagne,” he said.
“You’ve had champagne?”
“When I was younger, before I changed my life.”
I took the cup from him and filled it three-quarters full of ginger ale, then handed it back.
“What made you decide to change?”
He held his cup, speaking in serene remembrance. “When I was fifteen, I went with my two brothers to a revival camp in a nearby town set up by missionaries from Wales. Our intentions were to make trouble and rouse their anger. When we arrived they were praying. I’d never seen anyone in prayer, and I felt... strange. For the first time in my life I experienced hope. I returned home and told my father I would work no more. I thought at the very least he would disown me, but he reacted with silence. He pretended not to hear what I said. In all of the years since, he has spoken only a handful of sentences to me, but never tried to make me work. When I came of age, I applied to college and left home.”
My respect for him was huge. I wondered why he wasn’t the one to inherit the mysterious Sword of Righteousness. If he was scared of anything, he didn’t show it.