On the fifth day I knew Kaidan would have made it home. I held my breath and called him. I listened to every charming word of his voice mail, then hung up. That evening I sat on my bed and called again. This time I left a message.
“Hi, Kai, um, Kaidan. It’s me. Anna. I’m just trying to see if you made it home safely. I’m sure you probably did. Just checking. You can call me anytime. If you want. Anyway. Okay, bye.”
I hung up and buried my shamed face into a pillow. Now I was leaving messages after he’d made it clear he wanted zero to do with me? Next thing I knew I’d be frequenting his shows to give him psycho stares from the back, and then doing late-night drive-bys to see what girl he was bringing home. The thought of him with another girl made me writhe in discomfort and curl up in the fetal position.
Day six was our first day of back-to-school shopping. We still had a month before school began, but the state issued a tax-free day, so stores were having big sales. I eyed all the teensy skirts and fashionable shirts dangling on mannequins. I tried to imagine Kaidan’s reaction if I came dressed like that to one of his shows, some guy other than Jay on my arm. Ugly stalker thoughts. I was full of them.
Two weeks passed, and I was still tripping over chairs to grab the phone every time it rang, like now.
This time it was Jay.
“Duuuuude! You’re never gonna friggin’ believe this!” he hollered. I distanced the phone from my ear. “I just got a call from the manager of Lascivious, and they want to buy the rights to two of our songs!”
My stomach did a flip-flop at the mention of the band.
“Wow, Jay, congratulations! That’s awesome!”
I hoped I managed to sound excited, despite the churning inside me.
“You gotta come with me on Thursday, Anna. They’re gonna perform one of them live!”
Big, huge flip-flop. It was a perfect excuse to see Kaidan. But it would do me no good—just the opposite. I didn’t know how to break it to Jay without hurting his feelings.
“Jay,” I began, sitting in a chair and resting my forehead on my palm. “I want to support you. I really do. I’d love to hear your song, but it’s not a good idea for me to go. Kaidan flat-out told me he wanted me to stay away from him.”
“Dude, whatever. You’ll be there for me, not him. You’re my best friend.”
I was torn. It broke my heart to think of not being there for Jay, but Kaidan had made himself clear. Still, I was the worst friend ever.
“Look, Jay, I’m going to be honest with you, even though it’s embarrassing. I’m one step away from stalking him.” My voice shook. “All I do is think of him. If there were no such thing as caller ID, I would call him all day just to listen to him talking on his voice mail. I’m having an extremely difficult time getting over him. If I see him again...”
“Sorry, man. I guess I didn’t think about it that way. It’s cool. I understand.”
His feelings were hurt. I could tell it in his voice, and it made my eyes sting.
“I’m so sorry, Jay. Will you please call me the second you leave the show and tell me everything?” I asked. “I don’t care how late it is. Promise me.”
“All right. Sure.”
The disappointment in his voice tore me up inside. We hung up and I got the itchy-fingered urge to call Kaidan again, this time with the excuse of talking about Jay’s songs. I threw the phone away from me like a poisonous viper, into the chair across the room.
I sat on my bed with the phone on my lap at eleven thirty on Thursday night. I’d warned Patti that Jay would be calling late. When it rang I snatched it up.
“Hello?” I whispered.
“Oh, man, you just missed the best show ever!”
I smiled. At least he didn’t sound upset with me anymore.
“How was your song? Did they do it justice?”
“Dude, I’m not even kidding. It was a million times better than I imagined it!”
I was feeling giddy for him.
“Yeah? That good, huh?”
“Definitely. I can’t wait for you to hear it. Everyone was rockin’ out to it! The whole place. I almost cried like a big... well, like you! Ha, ha. But I didn’t.” He heaved a great big sigh of contentment.
“I’m so happy for you, Jay. You deserve it.” I felt very bad at that moment, regretful that I didn’t go and just hide in a corner at the show or something.
“They’re talking about going to L.A. to make a record in the next year.”
I got quiet. Los Angeles? Would he have to move there? I lay down on my side and pulled my big pillow into a hug, keeping the phone at my ear.
“You still there?” Jay asked.