“I’m not talking about sexually.” Her tone was sharper than she had intended.
He responded in kind. “Neither was I!”
Now wasn’t the time to lose his temper. He drew a few deep breaths and spoke calmly. “I know what kind of woman you are. You couldn’t possibly have been so free in bed if you didn’t love me first.”
She spread her hands wide. “I do love you, but don’t you see, Hunter? I was on an emotional high. You wooed me. I admit it. It was romantic and wonderful and just what I needed. But we can’t base a relationship solely on sexual attraction.”
“Goddammit!” His temper won over good intentions. He raked impatient fingers through his hair. “Yes, I’m sexually attracted to you. I was from the first day you walked into this office. I could barely keep my eyes off your legs and your breasts. But even then, it was more than that. I started loving you. I loved you for a year without any sex.”
“But I didn’t,” she cried softly. “What if I am just a sex and affection-starved widow who responded to the first man who came along?”
His eyes narrowed as they ran up and down her body. “You’re trying to tell me that you would have done everything we did with just any man?” Her face turned scarlet and that was his answer. “Try again, Kari. I ain’t buying it.”
She avoided the hot, knowing look in his eyes. “No, I’m not saying that. It’s just that you’ve had a year to adjust to the idea that you love me. I’ve only had a few days to get used to it. I need time.”
He put his hands on his hips. “Do you know what all this is?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “This is all just so much crap. You’re punishing me for not telling you about Pam.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No! I’m tired of petty games, too.” She rubbed her forehead, which had begun to throb. “Hunter, I need time, time to assimilate all this. Pinkie’s given me a new project to work on. That’s what I was coming to tell you.”
“Oh, I see.” He had a sensitive spot where work was concerned. Career conflicts had destroyed his first marriage. “When you were down and out, not so sure about your job, you could love me. Now that everything is looking up, you don’t need me anymore.”
She recoiled as though he’d slapped her. Tears came to her eyes. “I guess that’s how it looks to you, but that’s not the way it is. I do love you. And I do need you.”
He was beside her within a heartbeat, holding her close. “Kari, why are you so damn stubborn? Why can’t you take anything at face value? This is crazy. We love each other. Why examine the whys and wherefores? Say you’ll marry me.”
“I can’t just now. Please understand and be patient.” She lifted her head to look up at him. Her fingers yielded to the impulse to brush back wayward strands of hair lying across his forehead.
“Pinkie said something this morning that hit the nail on the head. He said I never tread lightly, and I don’t. I loved my father with all my heart. When he was gone, I soon fell blindly in love with Thomas. I depended on him far too much for my own happiness. His death devastated me. I suffered more than grief. A piece of me had died, too.”
He wiped a tear from her cheek with his thumb, but he didn’t interrupt her.
“You know how I throw myself into things, exactly the way I dedicated myself to hating you. I gave it all my energy. Now I love you, Hunter. But this is one time I must tread softly. When I saw you holding another woman, I thought I’d die.”
“You know the reason for that.”
“Yes, but it proves my point. I’m falling into that same pattern. I’m depending on you and your love too much and too quickly. If anything should go wrong, I couldn’t bear the disappointment.”
“My darling, nothing’s going to go wrong.”
The gentle earnestness in his eyes almost dissuaded her. But she remained resolute. “Then, a respite won’t hurt us.”
“A respite?”
“From being lovers.” Her throat closed around the words, but she squeezed them out.
“You mean start as friends who date occasionally?”
“Something like that,” she said softly.
His arms fell to his sides and he moved away from her, going to the window and staring out as she had done minutes before. When he turned back to her, his expression was bleak.
“No, Kari. In my own way I’m stubborn, too. I can’t be your pal. I don’t need another buddy. I need a fulfilling relationship with a woman. A lover and wife. If I see you at all, I’ll pester you until you’re in my bed again. You’d come to dread seeing me and …” He lifted his arms in a helpless gesture. “It would be a helluva lot of pressure on both of us. I don’t want that, do you?”