Swear (Landry Family #4)(5)

Simply put, he isn't the boy I used to know. He's an amplified, all-male version that has me gasping for breath.

The fog in my brain starts to lift as he stands. Panic creeps into my belly, along with a heavy sense of dread. I've managed to avoid the little ice cream shop on the east side of town where we used to go get milkshakes. It hasn't been that hard driving to the movie theater in the town next door so I don't have to remember making out with him in the back of ours. But as he starts to turn his head my way, I realize: there is no ignoring him now.

I turn to head to the back when my shoulder bumps a stack of boxes and knocks them off balance. They topple to the floor. Ford whirls right around.

To face me.

For the first time in almost ten years.

His eyes widen, his head twisting to the side like he's as surprised to see me as I am him. I take a step back, needing every bit of space between us as my emotions struggle to get in line.

"Ellie?"

The richness of his tone, the way my name sounds rolling off his tongue, sends a shock wave through me. I don't answer him. I don't trust my voice. Not yet.

"My God, Ellie. Is that you?"

This can't be happening.

I watch his face transform from curious and confused to confident and assessing. He takes me in from head to toe, the weight of his gaze washing over me like a warm blanket.

I lift my chin. "How are you, Ford?"

I'm impressed at how smooth I sound. It gives away nothing-not at how much he hurt me or how much I've managed to hate him or how surprised I am that he's here. It's completely devoid of any shits given. It's perfect.

"I . . ." He stammers, still wrapping his brain around the situation. He runs a hand through his hair, the way he does when he's nervous or thrown for a loop. "Wow. I didn't expect to see you here."

"I'll bet."

"I didn't mean it like that," he says hurriedly. He takes a step, then stops. "I . . . How are you? How have you been?"

"Great." I give him the sweetest smile I can manage, but he notices the sarcasm. "And why are you here?"

"To do a security assessment, actually." He looks around the room. "Is this place yours?"

"Yes."

"Were you expecting me?" He gives me a hopeful look, one that I have to look away from. I don't want to see anything in his features, hear anything in his voice, that will make me feel anything but the detachment I've managed to hone when it comes to him. 

Or that I think I've honed for him. The way my hands are shaking, I'm not sure I have it as mastered as I may have believed.

"If I'd known you were coming, I would've cancelled the appointment."

"Ellie," he breathes, "I just want to say-"

"It's okay. You don't need to say anything," I say simply. "I didn't know it was you coming as much as you didn't know it was me you were coming to. No harm, no foul."

We stand in the middle of Halcyon, watching each other from opposite sides of a trench dug deeply between us so long ago. There are so many landmines scattered around us, things ready to explode, and I know he feels it too. It's best we just end this now.

"We don't have a need for security," I say, clearing my throat. "I'll thank Mallory and tell her we decided it wasn't necessary."

"Wait. Mallory? As in Mallory Sims?"

I nod.

He looks at the ceiling and laughs. "I'm gonna fucking kill her."

"Me too," I mutter under my breath. "How do you know Mallory?"

"She's dating my brother, Graham. They're living together, actually."

"Oh," I say, pulling my brows together. "That's so odd. She couldn't have known that you and I, um . . ."

There's no easy way to say what we were to each other. The fact of the matter is, I'm not even sure myself. I'm not about to open up that can of worms and let all of that mess out in the middle of the store. Not with Violet around. Not after all these years.

It's done. I loved him. I needed him. He left me. Done.

His lips press together as he struggles with how to respond. Finally, he shrugs. "I know it seems odd, but with Mallory in the mix, it just got a whole lot less random. How do you know her?"

"I just started taking yoga at her studio. This security thing was a 'token of friendship,' she called it, for Violet and I. But, as we can see, it's totally unnecessary."

Turning on my heel, I take precisely one step before he speaks.

"I'm happy to draw up a security plan," he offers. There's something hidden in those words, an emotion I'm not interested in picking apart. Instead, I face him.

"We don't need you. Thank you though."

"I didn't say you needed me."

We exchange a look, mine verging on a glare, his something else entirely.