Tracy nudged her sister with her shoulder. “I was nice once too.”
Gratitude burned in her chest, appreciative of her sister’s admission. “Do you think that makes me a bad person Tracy?”
“Of course not. I’ve always admired your spirit.”
“Sometimes I wish I were more like you, Trace. You hardly ever stray too far from the path. And if there’s a fork in the road, you always consider your options before turning.”
****
JC had about all the recovery and relaxation she could stand. Tom and Tess were leaving Greece in a few weeks to start up a humanitarian project near their home in Bora Bora to build a new school for local children. She didn’t want to be in Greece alone.
It was too close to Italy and Luca.
After months of living with her mom and Tom, JC began to feel like a third wheel. Being around them twenty-four-seven gave JC the opportunity to see what real love was supposed to be like. The way they touched each other spoke as if they held an entire conversation just by a slight touch of hand. The passion they shared was enough to make anyone envious of their relationship. The love in their eyes and the way they laughed together made JC realize what she had with Luca wasn’t even close to love.
They spent all their time with her, which made her feel like a nuisance. JC blushed when she caught them making out on numerous occasions. And the funny thing was, JC knew they were holding back on account of her presence.
Grasping onto the fact that her mother obviously had a better sex life than JC had ever dreamed possible, she approached Tess with the subject of the The Big O. To her wondrous surprise, Tess sympathized with her, explaining she too had the same elusive situation with the first few men she dated until she had met JC’s dad.
“Sex is great, but making love is entirely different. I can’t really put it into words, but the desire and hunger you feel for a man is stronger when you’re in love.”
“But how do you know when you’re in love? Do you grow to love someone or is it love at first sight? I tried to figure it out with Luca, but obviously what we had wasn’t even close to love. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust a man now. I should’ve stuck to my rulebook.”
“Love might be the connection you’re missing. Someday you’ll meet a man and let your guard down.”
It took a full two seconds for the realization of her mother’s words to hit her in the face like a brick wall. Scowling at the mere possibility that orgasms might be connected with love, JC groaned, “Oh great! I’m never gonna have great mind blowing, life altering sex. I’m screwed!”
Tess chuckled and squeezed her arm around JC’s shoulder. “I said might. You’re trying too hard honey. You just haven’t found the right man, JC. Love or no love, you’ll find the right guy. Luca was not the right man, for many different reasons. Just don’t settle. Ever! Never settle for less than one hundred percent. Everything happens for a reason. It’ll happen for you when the time is right.”
JC questioned softly, “Momma, do you think all that stuff with Luca was supposed to happen to me for a reason?”
Tess sighed. “If you’re asking me if I believe Luca was meant to beat the shit out of you, the answer is hell no. However, if you’re asking me if I believe this experience will be part of what makes you who you are as a woman, I do. You can’t undo it or take it back. It’s part of your past now. It’s like a scar, you’ll always have it with you, but over time, it will fade.”
JC shook her head in frustration and shame. “I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did.”
“Life is only crystal clear when you’re looking back. Luca’s a good liar and very charming. Just like with every abuser, he created an image of what he thought you wanted. Everybody makes mistakes. It’s what you take away from it that matters.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
JC headed to Malibu. On her flight home, therapy was back in session with a whole new line of questions. Do I even want to fall in love? Do I want to continue modeling? Where do I want to live? Maybe it’s time to think about getting my own place. My own home.
Prior to the last year in Europe, JC spent a significant amount of time in Malibu while modeling. She loved California and her career, but found it difficult to stomach the bullshit that went along with it. She’d learned the hard way to be careful who to trust and never reveal too much information to your so-called friends.
The warm California sun heated her skin as she leaned on the stainless steel balcony overlooking the Pacific and took in the humid salty air. The house nestled into the hillside high above the ocean, hidden from the public eye. The modest modern décor and floor to ceiling glass panels created the perfect zen atmosphere she craved.