A nurse comes in. She’s not either of the two I’ve seen. “Everything okay?” She smiles.
“I need this out. Right now.” I tell her, pointing to the offensive bag beside the bed. Molly covers her mouth to try and stop laughing.
The nurse picks up the chart at the end of the bed. “This says you are to keep it in for at least another forty eight hours.”
“I want it out now.” I tell her.
“You look very pale.” She notes.
“That’s because I just realised there’s a fucking tube hanging out of me, and a bag of piss by my bed!” I snap. Molly bursts out laughing. Hands on knees laughing.
“Okay, um, I’ll get the doctor to come down. It might be a little while.”
“Fine.” I grumble. She leaves the room.
Molly wipes tears off her face. “Ah, shit Lill’s. You are too funny.”
“I need to go see Cassie before Theo comes back. Looks like the piss bag is coming with.” I groan. God, that is gross.
Molly helps me out of bed and into the wheel chair. My limbs feel like jelly. It hurts like an absolute bitch to move, but I try not to let on or she might change her mind.
“Hand me a blanket. I don’t fancy giving everyone an up close viewing of my piss bag.” She smirks. “Don’t you dare laugh.” I point at her.
She tucks the blanket around my legs, hiding the bag, which I’ve now tucked down the side of the chair. My casted leg is stuck out like I’m about to attempt some sort of jousting match.
“Okay, ready?” She asks.
“Drive on.”
Molly pushes me out into the corridor. We get in a lift. We’re the only ones in here. “Do you know where you’re going?” I ask.
“Yeah, she’s on the fourth floor.” Just as I’m wondering why Molly would know where Cassie is she continues. “I thought Theo might want to see her or something. He lost a baby as well. I know he had started to accept it, thanks to you.” She squeezes my shoulder. “He wouldn’t though. He’s bitter and angry. He’s holding it together in front of you, but…”
“I know he’s fragile. I can see it.” I reach up and place my hand on hers. “Thank you for trying.”
“It was bad Lill’s. He didn’t even care. I had to tell him about the baby.” She sighs. “It’s like you are all he can focus on. Like, he can’t deal with anything without you.”
“No, he just can’t deal with Cassie because I deal with her. I always take the lead where she’s concerned.” I smile sadly. My poor ridiculous man.
The lift pings and the doors open. We go down a corridor and onto a ward. One of the nurses stops us. “We’re here to see Cassie.” Molly tells her. We’re in visiting hours, so the nurse nods and shows us to a small room, just off the main ward.
The door clicks shut behind us, leaving us with the sounds of whirring machinery and beeping. Cassie’s small frame is propped up slightly on the bed. Her face is a mass of cuts and bruises. An enormous cut runs from her cheek, across to the top of her upper lip, a lot of stitches are holding the nasty gash together. A ventilator tube is in her mouth, and various lines are attached to her arms.
Her baby bump is gone, the sheets lying flat over her stomach.
“What happened to the body?” I ask quietly.
“There was no next of kin. She was already unconscious and losing the baby when they brought her in. She never regained consciousness, so they cremated it, I believe.” I nod. “Theo didn’t come forward at the time, because, well, you were dying. Literally. He had other priorities.” I nod numbly. I suppose the only saving grace is that she wasn’t awake to experience the loss of her baby. It’s so easy to persecute her, to judge her actions, but Cassie is ill. She’s an addict, who I suspect is suffering from mental health issues. Theo never would have let her keep that baby, but at least she would have known that her child lived.
I pick up the chart from the end of the bed. I know the doctors won’t tell me anything, but this is just lying around so… A lot of it makes no sense to me, just big words and scan results. I understand perfectly what brain dead means though. I glance back to Cassie’s peaceful looking form. A lump forms in my throat. She’s so young. She could have had her whole life ahead of her, but instead, she ended up here. She didn’t want to help herself. Maybe this is best.
I try to push the wheel chair closer, Molly helps me. I don’t know what will happen to Cassie now, but either way, she’s gone. I take her lifeless hand in mine. “I’m sorry Cassie.” I tell her. I know she can’t hear me, but I need to say goodbye to the girl that I tried so hard to help. “I hope that you find more peace where you are, than you did in this world.”