Lilly laughs. “Are you serious? I’d hedge a bet that you can’t remember half of what has happened in your life. You are an alcoholic. You drink until you pass out for hours, sometimes days at a time, and then you wake up and do it all over again.” Lilly grates out. Her body is rigid, and I can see it’s an effort for her just to stay in place.
“I would remember that!” She snaps, a note of hysteria creeping in. Lilly hears it and goes for the kill.
“So you are telling me that you don’t remember killing Shane? At all?” She says with shock. She’s good. Jane says nothing. “I’ll fill you in, shall I? He hit you, the same as always. Only this time you actually fought back.” Lilly glances down at her hands, looking upset. “I heard you screaming. He punched you, and you fell against the kitchen side. He grabbed you by the hair and was about to smash your face into the side. I guess you acted on instinct. You grabbed a knife that was on the side and just started slashing wildly at him. He let go of you, and you stabbed him right in the stomach.” Lilly meets her mother’s scrutinising eyes.
Jane purses her lips, watching Lilly like a hawk. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? I saw the missing carpet in your bedroom, saw the blood on the floor boards. Didn’t clean up very well did you?” She sneers.
Lilly doesn’t falter. “We needed a length of carpet to wrap the body in. The carpet in my room was the right size. There was a lot of blood. We cleaned the kitchen, but we couldn’t get it out of the wooden boards.”
I watch as the seed is planted. Bingo. “I wouldn’t have killed him!” She shrieks.
“He hit you. He was going to hurt you, and one day he probably would have killed you. You acted in self-defence, and that’s why Harry and I helped you dump the body.”
“Why would you help me?” She narrows her eyes.
Lilly’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “Because at one point you were our mum, and I loved you.” There’s so much sincerity in her voice that I really don’t think she’s acting. Despite her hatred for her mother, she must have loved her at one time. “I may hate you now, but at one point, I still believed that you would snap out of it, and become our mum again. What can I say? Children are foolish.”
Jane’s expression falters, just slightly. “Why did you run?”
Lilly snorts. “Spare me the ignorance. Why the fuck do you think? Look at you!”
“You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you?” Her face twists into an ugly scowl.
“I think you’re a failure. You are a failure as a mother, and therefore you are a failure as a human being.”
“You have no idea what I’ve been through!” She shouts.
“Are you fucking serious!? What you’ve been through? Harry spent years as Shane’s punching bag. I was abused, raped and sold to his friends. All because of you.” Her voice trembles. She’s not upset though, she’s angry.
Jane drops her eyes to the floor. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t fucking care!” Lilly snaps. I place a hand on her thigh, and she flicks her gaze to me. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to pull her focus back. She takes a deep steadying breath, fixing her expression into one of disinterest. “Look, it is what it is. I’m glad you killed him. You did us all a favour. I have my life now and Harry has his, you have yours.” She meets her mother’s eyes. “If you ever loved us, if you ever loved Dad, then you’ll go back to your life, and you’ll let us get on with ours.” At the mention of her Dad, they both seem to flinch. Some memories are just painful for all involved.
“Your Dad left me.” A tear streaks down Jane’s haggard face.
“No, he was taken from us, too soon.” Lilly shakes her head. “You then had a responsibility to us. I understand now what losing him must have done to you.” Lilly glances at me, her eyes locking with mine. “It must have been like having your soul ripped out.”
Jane nods. “He was the love of my life.” Jane has suddenly changed from this rabid, feral woman, into this heartbroken woman. It’s so weird.
Lilly tilts her head back and looks at the ceiling. She takes a deep breath and holds it. She releases it and faces her mother. “You were our mum. You were supposed to be strong. You weren’t, but I can see now, that not everyone can be strong on their own. I have hated you for years. I have blamed your weakness for everything that happened to Harry and I. You were supposed to protect us.” Her voice breaks.
Jane’s face drops, her angry and bitter façade fading in the face of her daughter’s bleeding heart. “I’m sorry!” Jane says on a sob. “I’m sorry.”