I want to be able to tell him absolutely everything, but I can’t, not yet, maybe never. I’ve told him everything he needs to know, and more. He knows all about me, he doesn’t need to know about this.
“He used to regularly beat Harry until he was unconscious. The night we left, Harry came to. Shane had beaten him so badly.” I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to focus on Theo and not the horrific memories. “But he woke up. He found out, and he took me away that night.” I skirt over the details, avoiding any questions. “He said we needed to change our names so the authorities couldn’t track us. He got some fake papers forged so that he was my legal guardian.” A small smile pulls at my lips. “When I say Harry saved me, I mean literally, in every way.”
He drops his head so I can’t see his eyes. “Fuck Lilly. I mean, I knew there was something with you, but not this... I figured you had a drunk mother, maybe a few shitty boyfriends. How do you even move past something like that?” His eyes meet mine, and there’s this adoration in them that I’ve never seen before, not even from him.
I shrug. “You let it define you, or you rise above it. That shit will eat you alive if you let it. I did for a while. I didn’t get to where I am now over-night. This has taken eight years…and you.”
He frowns. “Me?”
I smile and nod. “You make me feel Theo, and I haven’t allowed myself to feel anything, good or bad for a long time. I just wanted to be numb. You terrify me, but you thrill me at the same time.” He says nothing. His lips press together and his eyes go distant, glancing across the expanse of London spread out around us. “I…I need you to say something.” I stumble. “I need to know if this changes things.” I say with baited breath. I have thrown all caution to the wind, and risked my heart completely. I am one hundred percent committed to him, to us. If he runs now, I’m not sure I will ever recover. I don’t have enough faith to just trust him. I need to hear him say the words.
He finally meets my eyes. His stare is so intense I struggle not to look away. “I told you, nothing you could say would change the way I feel about you Lilly.” He touches my cheek gently. “I’m just angry. I’m angry you had to go through that. The thought of anyone hurting you kills me. The thought of someone…doing that to you...” His voices breaks slightly, his expression becoming tortured. “…and at only thirteen years old…that makes me positively murderous. You should never have had to suffer that.” He brushes the hair away from my face and presses the lightest of kisses against my lips. “I would kill anyone that would cause you pain sugar.”
I manage a small smile. He’s still here. I’ve told him my ugly and he’s still here. I feel as though I’ve been holding my breath ever since I fell in love with this man, and I can finally breathe again. He see’s me. He see’s the damaged and scarred person that I am, not just the person I’ve had to adapt into.
He pulls me close to him, and I press my face into his broad chest as inhale his masculine scent. “What do we do now?” I mumble against his skin.
He runs his fingers through my hair. “Now, you are going to eat some food…” I start to object. “Because if you don’t get those curves back, sugar, I may have to kick you to the curb.” He teases.
CHAPTER TWO
THEO
“What do you want to eat?” I ask her when she’s sat at the breakfast bar.
She shrugs. “Don’t mind.”
“Pancakes?” She nods. She’s trying to ignore the big arse fucking elephant in the room, but the strain is written all over her face. Her eyes assess my every move. I turn away from her and start trying to find some ingredients. I just…I need a minute. I really need a minute alone, but I can’t walk away from her now. I need her to see that it’s fine. She needs a show of strength.
Fuck, I don’t even know what to do or say. I’m just…I’m in shock. I feel like I’m riding some crazy roller coaster and I need to get the fuck off for a minute. I don’t even know what I feel right now. I’m mainly angry, so fucking angry. I have this irrational need to protect her, to make sure no-one can hurt her. Lilly doesn’t need protection. The woman has walked through the fires of hell and is still standing. All I can see in my mind is a young girl with no-one to protect her, left alone and vulnerable to the perversions of a fucking monster. Fuck. I clench and release my fists. I squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten. How do you handle something like this? All I know right now is that however I handle it, I need to do it in private, not in front of her. Yesterday I watched that girl break, really break for the first time since I met her. Yesterday I didn’t know about her shitty past, but now I do, and it’s no wonder she is the way she is. Hell, it explains a lot. I want to fucking kill her mother for allowing that to happen to her own kids, under her roof. I don’t know how that woman has the balls to turn up here and even speak to Lilly. I want to ask her what happened to Shane, but I’m not sure what I’ll do with that information. Right now, it’s probably best that I don’t know. I can see her falling apart, piece by piece. The mounting pressure, breaking her. In her own way, I think she needs me.