Panting, she fought for control now, losing that battle with each inch his strong hand advanced. She grabbed for his wrist, but it did no good. He covered her mouth with his once more as he dipped his fingers into the wet cleft at the juncture of her thighs and she moaned at the exquisite pleasure of finally feeling his touch in that most intimate of places.
"Without that lie between us any longer-" he kissed her again and stroked her deep and hard as he taunted her "-as only a woman to a man," he whispered as her pleasure built, "will you stop me now?"
She prayed now, for her traitorous body would not stop. Even the hand she placed on his wrist pushed him on, guiding him and urging him faster and deeper. His hardness thrust against her hip as he continued to touch her, inflaming her body until she was ready to beg for release. When he reached down and freed his manhood, rubbing himself now against her bare skin, her legs fell open to accept him. He lay on top of her and just as he shifted to enter her, he asked her one final time.
"Do you stop me, Margriet?"
She thought herself lost to the passion and the pleasure, but with his weight fully on her, Margriet felt a strange sensation that reminded her of the other secret she held, the one carried within her. Now, like a cold wind, the truth thrust forward and she grabbed his shoulders, looking into his eyes and making him see her.
"I cannot do this, Rurik. 'Tis wrong."
He stopped and shook his head at her words. "I will not dishonor you, Margriet. I offer you all that I have to give."
She pushed at him now and he rolled off her, lying by her side, breathing heavily as she considered the only thing she could do now. She may have lied to him on this journey, but she could not deceive him any longer.
"I cannot accept, Rurik, for there is another secret I hide," she said, taking his hand and sliding it over her belly, over the fullness there that could not be missed or mistaken. The layers of heavy cloth in the nun's habit had done their job covering it, but now, lying naked with nothing between them, there could be no misunderstanding.
She knew the moment he realized what he was feeling. He pulled his hand back and stared at her as though she was a stranger, and in some ways, she must be. He sat up and backed away from her, as she admitted what she had feared him discovering from their first meeting.
"It matters not that you love me or I love you, Rurik, for I have given my honor away."
The house was empty at his orders, for he wanted no one to overhear the conversation he planned with "Sister" Margriet. When he'd confronted Sven and his new wife Elspeth, his surprise gave way to profound shock as she revealed that Margriet was not a nun, either. Shock gave way to some kind of masculine relief, for he'd spent most of his days since meeting her filled with such lust toward her, a lust made unnatural because she was a nun.
As he rode back to the estate and anticipated how to tell her of the secret he'd learned, Rurik considered that not much had changed between them. He remembered the way she phrased her words that night at the inn when he was tempted to reveal the depth of his feelings for her.
So, if my vows dissolved on the morrow, there could be no match between us?
His answer still stood … or did it?
Sven was willing to risk his father's good graces for Elspeth, ready to give up his family's wealth and position to marry her. Sven was a second son, his inheritance was modest and he would serve other men for the rest of his life. With his skills and experience, he would never be without a living. As Rurik entered the clearing and passed the two men guarding the entrance, he realized his own truth.
He had lived his whole life with nothing he did not earn and now, when every single thing he hungered for most-name, family, honor, wealth-were almost in his grasp, he could not give it up. So, when he walked into her room and watched her sleep, he knew the answer. Or so he thought.
The sight of the instrument of her deceit on the chair stirred the anger inside him once more and so, when she opened her eyes and gazed up at him, he was furious at her lack of trust. Rather than do something he would regret, he left, planning on speaking to her when his temper cooled over the matter.
And she followed him.
Nay, not only followed him, but put herself within his grasp. What started as a way to show her that she'd been wrong in not trusting him with her honor, fell apart with the first kiss. Instead of fighting him or screaming, Margriet softened under his touch, damning both of them to his lack of control.
He taunted her with her lies, and planned on showing her that he could take them to the edge of bliss and not pass that line. And he could have, had she not moaned in pleasure at his touch and had not her body readied itself to join with his.
Then, at that last moment, when he'd changed his mind and decided to fight for a future together and he'd offered her everything he had, 'twas not his control but her lies that stopped the consummation of his vow.
She carried another's seed in her belly.
Rurik stood some distance from the house now and listened to the sounds of the night, trying to find himself in the maelstrom of his thoughts and wondering what kind of woman would do what she'd done. The owls on watch for mice did not answer him, nor the other predators hunting in the night's air, and he suspected that he would never find it.
She had wanted something to keep them apart and this certainly would. Now, his duty would be done and she would be turned over to her father's mercy and Rurik knew that Gunnar would need every one of his negotiating and planning skills to sort out the problem of his convent-raised, pregnant daughter.
A flickering light caught his attention, moving through the main chamber of the dwelling, and then he spied it in the room above and knew she had made her way back up there. A pang of guilt shot through him as he realized he'd left her tossed about and almost naked on the floor of the larder where she lay when she revealed her secret to him.
He'd fled, something he was not proud of now, because he was not certain of whether to gather her in his arms or to choke the life from her for playing him the fool. Now, out from under passion's insanity, he did not think he would have harmed her, for he'd never raised a hand to a woman other than in pleasure, but then, when her perfidy was revealed at the worst possible moment, he could not be sure.
So, he'd climbed to his feet and walked away.
Rurik gathered his horse and then rode to the guards, giving them orders for the morning. He could not stay here, not in the same house where she was. He would sleep somewhere between here and town and send back one of the men for her.
The ship would leave on the morning's tide and take them all to where they faced their destinies. He cursed himself for being a fool to think, even for a moment, that theirs could have been joined.
Chapter Sixteen
The sun burst through the clouds, and the wind behind pushed them forward on their journey north. For once, the conditions for traveling were favorable and the ship floated smoothly over the waves of the sea. The journey would take them past the island of Háøy, or Hoy as the Scots called it, and on to the mainland and her father's house. They would land near Orphir and travel the last leg on horseback. She knew he'd sent word ahead of their arrival.
Rurik had made arrangements for their travel on a private ship, so 'twas only their men onboard, along with the sailors who guided it across the waves. Even so, she felt as though in the middle of strangers.
A bundle of clothing and terse instructions about readying herself was all that she received this morning, and this from a very sullen Donald, who would not meet her gaze. No words were exchanged on the ride into Thurso, nor on their approach to the harbor. Even her reunion with Elspeth was muted by the events of the night before.
Elspeth explained that she and Sven had ridden straight for the nearest town that had a priest, and one willing to perform the marriage. They were convinced that his parents would not fight a thing already done and Sven was certain of their welcome of her. At that moment, Margriet felt no need to explain how this would not be so, for Elspeth glowed with the aura of a woman in love.
Knowing how she would not have listened to any truth just a few months ago when she thought she was in love, she did not waste what strength she had on a hopeless argument. She did appreciate Elspeth's presence now, and it was thoughtful of Rurik to bring them along, but the desire to talk with someone so very happy fled as she watched him come aboard.