Sunsets at Seaside(96)

“I might be a little drunk.” Her sweet lips curved into a nervous smile. “But I think I know what you want.”

What I want and what I’ll let myself have are two very different things.

He exhaled, took her hand, and turned toward the bed. “Sit down and let me help you get out of your heels and then I’ll go back to my room. I don’t want you to break your ankle.”

She swayed on her heels and attached herself to his side again. “I don’t want you to go to your room.”

Tony stepped back. The back of his legs met the dresser. “Amy—”

“Tony,” she said huskily, taking him by surprise.

“Ames,” he whispered. She was killing him. Any other man would have silenced her with a kiss, carried her to the bed, pushed that sexy dress up to her neck, and given her what she wanted. But Tony had made a career out of resisting Amy, protecting her. He respected her too much to let her make a mistake she would only regret when she sobered up.

He gripped her forearms and held her at a safe distance.

She narrowed her eyes and reached for him.

For a breath he let himself fantasize about her touching him in ways he’d only dreamed of. Every muscle in his body corded tight as he reluctantly gripped her wrist.

“Amy, stop.” He’d learned his lesson with her when he was a teenager, and he was never letting either of them go back to that well of hurt. “We’re not doing this.”

The dark seductiveness that had filled her eyes when she was touching him was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Her shoulders rounded forward, and hurt filled her eyes.

“Why?”

He felt like a heel. Like a guy who should have taken her to bed, if only to love her as she deserved to be loved. Even if she might not remember or appreciate it in the morning. He draped an arm over her shoulder and pulled her into a hug.

“Come on, Amy. You’re drunk and you won’t remember any of this tomorrow. Let me help you get ready for bed.”

“Don’t you want me?”

Her broken voice nearly did him in, and when her arms went limp, he tightened his grip on her. “Amy,” he whispered again.

In the space of a few seconds she pushed away from him, determination written in the tension around her mouth and the fisting of her hands.

“Tell me why you don’t want me. What is it? Am I too flat-chested? Too unattractive?”

“No.” You’re the sexiest woman I know. Anger felt so wrong coming from her that it momentarily numbed him.

“I know I suck at seduction, but don’t these take-me heels or this stupid dress turn you on? Even a little?”

“Your take-me heels? Boy, you are drunk. You don’t realize what you’re saying. Come on.” He reached for her hand and she shrugged him off again.

“Come on, Amy. Let me help you.” Before I give in to what I really want and lay your vulnerable, gorgeous, sexy body down and devour you.

“So that’s it. I don’t turn you on.” She paced the room on wobbly ankles, looking like she was playing dress up in her mother’s high heels—and it did crazy things to Tony’s body. He followed beside her in case she stumbled, fighting the urge to give in and show her just how much she turned him on.

“Maybe if I had bigger boobs, or if I were better at acting sexy, or if I were smarter, you’d want me.”

It surprised him that she avoided the secret they’d buried so long ago, but then again, after that summer, she’d never said another word about it. And he’d let her get away with that, believing it was the only way she could survive what had happened. Just like him.

“Amy, it’s none of those things.” He did not want to have this conversation with her. He wanted to fold her in his arms and kiss the worry away.

Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Tony could handle a lot of things, but Amy’s tears melted his heart, and that he’d caused them was further proof he wasn’t the right guy for her.

“Then why, Tony? Just tell me once and for all. Why don’t you want me? I need to know so I can decide about taking this job in Australia.”

Tony opened his mouth to answer, but his thoughts were jumbled as he processed what she’d said. “Australia? I thought you said you weren’t taking it.”

She crossed her arms, and he hated knowing it was to protect herself from his rejection. Tony felt like a jerk, but he knew that taking Amy up on her seduction would only dredge up bad memories and lead to hurting her. They’d spent a lifetime denying the past between them existed, even to themselves.

“I said I wasn’t sure what I was going to do.” She dropped her eyes to the floor, and he slid a hand in hers, as he’d done a million times before. It was a natural reaction. Taking care of her. Protecting her. Helping her feel safe. He knew it could send her mixed messages, but he just couldn’t help himself. His hand had already claimed its spot with hers.