Sunsets at Seaside(40)

“You’re so beautiful.”

“I need more, Jamie. Bedroom,” she said in a heated breath.

He carried her into the bedroom, but before lying her on the bed, he cupped the back of her neck and gazed into her eyes. “I want more than this with you, Jess. So much more. More than a day, more than a night. More than just sex.”

“I do, too. But, go slow, Jamie. I’ve only been with one other man.”

Oh, dear Lord. “One?” Guilt coiled deep in his belly. She deserved slow loving, and despite how badly he wanted her, he didn’t want to rush her.

She must have seen it in his eyes, because she reached up with both hands and touched his cheeks. She was smiling, and the depth of emotion in her eyes brought his forehead to hers.

“I want this with you. This is exactly what I dreamed it would be like with you.” She touched her lips to his. “Love me, Jamie. All of me.”



JAMIE HAD THOUGHT about making love to Jessica since the first time their eyes met, and now, afterward, there was a peace that overtook him, a desire to be closer than he’d ever felt with another woman. He usually rolled off and his mind moved on to other things. With Jessica, he didn’t want to move away.

“Please don’t move. I’ve dreamed of being in your arms for days. Please don’t go.”

They were so in sync. “I’m not going anywhere, but I have to know, Jess. You’ve only been with one man. Why me? Why so fast? We could have waited.”

Her fingers moved lightly along his skin, up and down his back, and when she spoke, her eyes filled with seriousness, laced with emotion so deep he could fall into them.

“I always thought I’d know when the right man came into my life. The man I’d want to give myself over to completely. The first time I…did that was when I was very young. I was trying to fit in during my sophomore year in high school. We never even dated. It was like I dared myself to do it. I met him after school and we did it in his bedroom while his parents were at work.” A shadow of sadness washed over her eyes and just as quickly disappeared. “I was rebelling in the stupidest way imaginable.”

“Oh, babe. I’m sorry. High school boys can be such jerks.” He kissed her softly and shifted so his thigh was over hers, his arm draped over her chest. He imagined some jerky kid sweet-talking her into giving up her virginity, and it pissed him off. He felt protective of her and wanted her to feel safe.

“It’s okay. It was a good lesson, actually, and it was my choice. I wasn’t forced or anything. I wanted to be normal badly enough that I believed that might do it. It didn’t, but it wasn’t horrible. It was kind of like when you try a food you don’t love, but maybe if someone else had cooked it you would try it again, because you know it’s supposed to be really good. Anyway, after that night I decided that rebelling would have to happen in safer ways, and it made me realize that sex was in no way tied to not feeling lonely. I still felt lonely. But that, I realized, came from within. I learned how to deal with the loneliness, and I rebelled by playing the music I wanted instead of what my mother chose. I’m lame, a nerd, whatever. I know, but it served the purpose.”

“But, Jess, all these years? Didn’t you miss being touched?” He was a sensual man, and Jamie loved being touched as much as he enjoyed touching. He couldn’t imagine going all those years without being intimate with a woman.

“I don’t think you understand how focused I’ve been all these years. Dating wasn’t ever part of my daily life. In Juilliard I practiced nonstop, graduated top of my class, and after…” She shrugged. “It’s not like I’m a saint, Jamie. I went out with a few guys, but I never felt anything for them, so they never got past second base.” Her cheeks pinked up. “And now here I am.”

“So was this…was I…some sort of rebellion?”

She ran her finger over his lips. “No. I’m past rebellion. I’ve moved on to self-discovery. When I arrived here the week before I met you, I was hit on by guys. Several over the course of that week, actually. If this were rebellion, any of them would have done. I told you, I don’t rebel with my body any longer. I’m twenty-seven, Jamie, and in all those years, I’ve never felt drawn to a man like I was, like I am, with you.” She inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. “Besides, I never knew what I was missing. I imagined what it might be like to make love with someone I cared about, and I hoped it would be like this, but before …what we did on the beach, I hadn’t, you know.”

He blinked several times, wondering if she was saying what he thought she was. “You never had an orgasm?”