Today he went for a walk along the beach and when he came to her house, she invited him in for iced tea. They sat watching the sea and Sheldon began to talk. He wasn’t sure if he came for that reason or if he felt he needed to get the story out, tell someone about the way he had lived, provide the details of the rise and fall of a Maryland horse farmer.
“And that’s how I got here,” Sheldon said. Audrey had added a couple of sandwiches to the tray with their glasses of iced tea.
She’d listened carefully to him without saying a word. He told her of the jobs he’d tried and failed at. He told her about his father, how they treated Jason and that when his dad died, he totally cut Jason out of any legacy. He told her about Laura and how she’d died.
Once the words started to come, they poured out of him like the tides rushing for the shoreline. Sheldon relived it, seeing himself as the unlikable character he was, treating his brother so poorly. He saw himself as the bridegroom, in love with a woman who should never have been with him. He’d caused such pain to those he should have embraced. And now there was nothing he could do about it.
“What happened to Jason?” Audrey asked.
“I don’t know. He left right after I married Laura. We didn’t hear from him again. I know he was treated unfairly. At least I know it now. I don’t forgive myself for my part in making him hate me. I couldn’t have done a better job if I’d tried. And I tried. Whereas I should have known better.”
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Audrey said. “You’re no longer that man. You’ve grown and learned. You’ve traveled from Maryland here. Along your journey look how you’ve changed. The high and mighty person you say you were is gone. What I see is a compassionate man who cares about people.”
“Now I’m the poor, humble creature who should have understood my brother better, but was unwilling to even listen to anything he had to say.”
“We all make mistakes, Sheldon. Have you considered contacting the Kendall’s new owners and seeing if your brother has been in touch with them?”
Sheldon had, but always found a reason not to do it. “It wouldn’t be of any use for me to do that,” Sheldon told Audrey. “Why would Jason want to see me or even speak to me. I’m afraid he’s a bridge I burned long ago. There’s no rebuilding it now.”
“You may not be rebuilding the past,” Audrey said. She spoke very slowly as if she’d taken a long time to think about her choice of words.
“In the past few years, you’ve moved around a lot, leaving behind what you don’t want to face.”
“I’m facing what I am,” he said. “I know what I can’t do and I know there will be no going back to the life I had.”
“You need to resolve it,” Audrey proclaimed. “It’s hard, almost impossible, to go forward in life without resolving the past.”
They sat in silence for several minutes. Sheldon had no watch. He’d long since sold it for food. He looked at the sun. He’d gotten used to being able to estimate the time by the movement of that heavenly body. He had a small calendar from a diner in his bungalow, so he could keep track of the days. Not that he cared much for them, but he needed to remember when to go to work.
What Audrey said made sense. It might be an exercise in futility, but contacting whoever owned the Kendall might give him some closure.
“What are you going to do now?” Audrey asked, interrupting his thoughts.
“Now?” He lifted one of the tea glasses. The drink was cool and seemed to refresh his throat after so much talking.
Audrey smiled. “I meant with the rest of your life. You’ve got a lot more living to do. Are you going to be cleaning hulls forever?”
“I have thought of becoming an electrician,” he remarked.
“Don’t you have to go to school for that?”
“No, but there is a test and an apprenticeship.”
“Have you taken the test?” she asked.
Sheldon shook his head. “I checked some books out of the library and studied them.”
“That’s wonderful,” Audrey said. “At the school where I work we have a technical maintenance man who’s an electrician. Would you like me to introduce you to him so you can get first-hand knowledge of what’s required?”
Sheldon was tempted to refuse her help, but that seemed like a foolish move. “I would appreciate that very much.”
“Why an electrician?”
Farther alongthe beach, the marina was barely visible, but he could still see a glimpse of some of the sailboats moored there.
“Have you noticed all the lights on the marina at night?” he asked.