“She is not your daughter!” I scream at him, my chest rising and falling with anger and bitterness. My eyes fill with wetness, puddle deep, and then spill over. I take a deep breath and let it out, and then do it again, until I feel more in control.
My voice is a bit more rational when I repeat, “She’s not your daughter. You didn’t want her, and now you have no right to her.”
Gavin stares me… his eyes wide, skin pale. Pain takes hold of his face… crumbling it right before me into a million pieces, and my heart lurches. I open my mouth to take back those cruel words, because no matter what… I didn’t mean that. I never meant that.
With lightning-fast speed, Gavin lurches forward in the chair and grabs me around my waist. My hands fly to his shoulders for balance as he pulls me in between his legs while he moves forward to sit on the edge of the cushion. His hands are fast… going to the hem of my sweatshirt, yanking it upward to the bottom of my breasts, exposing my stomach, which is swollen in the lower portion. He stares at my belly, his eyes filled with remorse.
Leaning forward, he kisses my stomach so softly that I barely feel it. Turning his head, he lays his cheek against my skin and wraps his arms around my waist to hold me tight to him. I squeeze my eyes shut against the hauntingly beautiful image of the man before me, humbled against my womb as he hugs his baby and me.
“She is my daughter,” he murmurs. “I always wanted her. I may have been scared, but I always wanted her.”
Hesitantly, I move my hands from his shoulders to his head, slipping my fingers in his cool, dark hair. I press against his head… pushing him into my stomach a little harder, and he gives a stuttering breath.
“I am so sorry, Savannah,” he says with so much anguish that I don’t think I can take it. I feel wetness on my stomach, and I know it’s tears from his eyes.
“Oh, God,” I croak, gripping his head tighter.
“So sorry,” he murmurs, turning to kiss my belly again. “So sorry. So very fucking sorry.”
My own tears start again, and I let them freely fall. I let them fall… let them pour out all of my past anger and hurt…I let them slide down my cheeks and beg them to take away the bitter betrayal I’ve been feeling.
Gavin lifts his head and tilts his head back to look at me. His eyes are wet… tortured. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness. A man can never do worse than abandoning his love when she needs him most. I did that, and I don’t deserve a drop of your kind heart. I don’t deserve for you to put your hands on my cheeks and tell me it will be all right. I have no right to ask for assurances or for a place in your life. I don’t have a single thing I’m entitled to right now, and yet… I’m begging you, Savannah. I am begging you with everything in my soul to please tell me it’s okay. To please forgive me, and let me back in. I will do anything you ask and, I swear, I will never let you down again.”
Gavin pushes off the chair and drops to his knees, his face pressing into my stomach again as he kisses my skin, wetting it with more tears.
He presses the words into me… straight through the skin and muscle that protects our little peanut. “Please forgive me, daughter. Please forgive your father for his weakness. I swear I’ll never leave you again. Please ask your mommy to forgive a man for being scared and weak. For having too many demons in his closet. I’m begging you… please.”
“Stop it,” I cry out and grab him by the hair again, pulling his face away. He sits backward on his haunches, and I drop to my knees with a straight spine so we’re face to face. “Please stop.”
Gavin blinks at me, sending a fresh wave of tears down his tortured face. I bring my hands up and wipe them away, giving him a sad smile laced with the very forgiveness he is begging for. “It’s okay, Filthy. It will be okay. It’s going to be fine. I promise.”
I lean forward and touch my mouth to his, continuing to whisper. “I forgive you. I understand. It’s okay.”
When I pull back, his face is disbelieving of my words. I can see he’s still too disgusted with himself to believe the truth of them. I cup his face with my hands and give him a little shake. Leaning in closer, I look straight through his eyes… I look straight into his heart. “Hear me… I forgive you. We’ll start again… all of us… together.”
I wait for it… watching closely, and finally, I see his dark eyes lighten. I see him accept what I’m saying, and I watch… all within the depths of his beautiful gray eyes, as he finally understands that his sins have been forgiven.