Sugar on the Edge(86)
I was done.
And now… at seventeen weeks today, I spent the morning in the doctor’s office having an ultrasound and was shocked to learn that they could tell the baby’s gender. I learned that I’m going to have a baby girl. I smiled so big, so wide… yes, that was called the joyful phase.
“So, are you going to tell me or am I going to have to beat it out of you?” Brody asks amiably.
“Tell you what?” I ask innocently as I look over at him.
He glares at me and waits.
I just stare at him.
He glares at me some more.
“Fine. It’s a girl,” I say with a tiny squeal of excitement.
Brody grabs me, picks me up, and swings me around until I’m dizzy. He hugs me close, kisses me on top of my head, and shouts in my ear, “That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you. I need to call Alyssa and tell her.”
When he releases me… sets my feet back on the ground, I do a little happy dance-jig sort of maneuver and Brody laughs at me. We go back to stocking shelves and all is quiet. I start daydreaming of a nursery I’ll never have because there’s no room in the small, two-bedroom house that I share with Casey. However, I still imagine it filled with frilly, pink curtains, pink and gray elephants on the comforter and walls, and plush, white carpeting I can sink my bare toes in while I nurse her in the middle of the night.
“Are you going to tell him?”
My body jerks over the words that crash into my lovely fantasies and fill me with blackness. “No.”
“Why not?” Brody asks.
“Because he doesn’t deserve to know,” I tell him matter-of-factly. “Besides… I wouldn’t even know how to contact him.”
“Don’t you have his phone number?”
“Nope. Deleted it several weeks ago and couldn’t remember it to save my life. Don’t want to remember it either.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“I think you should tell him,” Brody says.
Anger threads through me, and I hope the baby can’t feel the terrible vibes coursing through me right now. Turning on Brody, I practically spit at him, “Why in the fuck would you think he even wants to know the sex of the baby? He made it pretty clear he doesn’t want me… I mean her.”
“Because he loves you, and I guarantee you that he loves her. He’s just fucked up in the head. I mean… look at what he went through with his little boy.”
I instantly regret ever telling Brody the full truth about Gavin’s past. It was in my denial phase, because I was trying to come up with every justification for Gavin’s abandonment. Now Brody dares to throw that in my face.
“He doesn’t love me or the little peanut,” I mutter. We started calling my baby “peanut” from the start, and now the nickname has stuck. That may potentially be her nickname for the rest of her life.
“I bet he loves both of you,” Brody says firmly. “And you love him.”
“No, I hate him. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him,” I say, stomping my foot on the ground with each proclamation.
“I’m pretty sure you love him.”
“No, I’m pretty sure I hate him.”
Brody sighs and it sounds long-suffering. “Do you love the peanut?”
I give him a quick glance, just long enough to give him an exasperated glare. “Of course I love her. Stupid question.”
“Then you love Gavin… at least a part of him. Because that baby is part Gavin.”
Spinning on Brody, I poke him in the chest. “What the hell is your problem? You spent weeks cursing Gavin’s name with me, threatening to put him six feet under if he showed his face around here again. Now, all of a sudden, you’re his champion?”
Shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, Brody says, “I guess I just feel for the guy a little… knowing his history and all. I’m sure he was terrified. Terrified of having another child and losing it. It’s scary as shit having the responsibility of someone’s tiny life in your hands. And he has more reason to be terrified than any of us do.”
Turning away, I sneer. “What could you possibly know about it, Brody? Seriously… what could you possibly know?”
“I know a little something about it,” he says smugly, and the hairs rise up on the back of my neck.
My head swivels slowly to him, my mouth hanging open. “Are you… is Alyssa…?”
“Pregnant? That she is,” he says with a big grin. “But we haven’t told anyone else yet so keep your trap shut.”
“Oh my God,” I shriek and launch myself into his arms. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. That’s wonderful. Oh my God. I’m so happy. We’re going to have babies together. And you’ll have a little boy, and they’ll be sweet on each other… or maybe we should just betroth them. What do you think?”