"Mama," I asked, staring at the delicately stern lines of her profile, "you're going to have a baby, aren't you?"
The car swerved slightly as Mama shot me an astonished glance. She returned her attention to the road, her hands gripping the steering wheel. "Good Lord, you almost made me wreck the car."
"Are you?" I persisted.
She was quiet for a moment. When she replied, her voice was a little unsteady. "Yes, Liberty."
"A boy or a girl?"
"I don't know yet."
"Are we going to share it with Flip?"
"No, Liberty, it's not Flip's baby, or any man's. Just ours."
I relaxed back in the seat while Mama's quick-stolen glance darted through the silence. "Liberty..." she said with effort. "There are going to be some adjustments for both of us. Sacrifices we'll both have to make. I'm sorry. I didn't plan on this."
"I understand. Mama."
"Do you?" A humorless chuckle. "I'm not sure I understand it."
"What are we going to name it?" I asked.
"I haven't even started thinking about that."
"We need to get one of those baby name books." I was going to read every name there was. This baby was going to have a long, important-sounding name. Something from Shakespeare. Something that would make everyone aware of how special he or she was.
"I didn't expect you would take the news this well," Mama said.
"I'm happy about it." I said. "Really happy."
"Why?"
"Because now I won't be alone anymore."
The car turned into a parking space in one of the rows of superheated vehicles, and Mama turned the key in the ignition. I was sorry I'd answered that way, because it had
brought a stricken look to her eyes. Slowly she reached out and smoothed back the front of my hair. I wanted to nudge against her hand like a cat being petted. Mama was a believer in personal space, her own and everyone else's, and she was not given to casual invasions of it.
"You're not alone," she said.
"Oh, I know, Mama. But everyone has brothers and sisters. I've always wanted someone to play with and take care of. I'll be a good babysitter. You won't even have to pay me."
That earned one more hair-smoothing, and then we got out of the car.
CHAPTER 4
As soon as school started, I discovered my polo shirts and baggy jeans qualified me as a fashion emergency. The style was grunge, everything shredded and stained and wrinkled. Trash-can chic, Mama said in distaste. But I was desperate to fit in with the other girls in my class, and I begged her to take me to the nearest department store. We bought thin gauzy blouses and long tank tops, a crocheted vest and an ankle-length skirt, and clunky Doc Martens shoes. The price tag on a pair of distressed jeans nearly sent Mama into shock—"Sixty dollars and they already have holes in them?"—but she bought them anyway. The high school in Welcome had no more than a hundred students in the entire ninth-grade class. Football was everything. The whole town turned out every Friday night for the game, or shut down so fans could follow the Panthers for the away games. Mothers, sisters, and girlfriends barely flinched as their warriors engaged in battles that, had they occurred outside the stadium, would have counted as attempted murder. For most of the players, this was their place in the sun. their one shot at glory. The boys were recognized like celebrities as they walked down the street, and the coach was ostentatiously told to put away his driver's license whenever he wrote a check—no ID was needed.
Since the athletic-supplies budget outstripped that of every other department, the school library was adequate at best. That was where I spent most of my free time. I had no thought of trying out for cheerleading, not only because it looked silly to me, but because it took money and string-pulling by frantic parents to assure their daughter's place on the squad.
I was lucky to find friends quickly, a circle of three other girls who hadn't made it into any of the popular cliques. We visited each other's houses, experimented with makeup, vogued in front of the mirror, and saved our money for ceramic flattening irons. For my fifteenth-birthday present, Mama finally allowed me to have contact lenses. It was a strange but delicious feeling to look at the world without the weight of thick glasses on my face. To celebrate my liberation, my best friend, Lucy Reyes, announced she was going to pluck my eyebrows. Lucy was a dark, slim-hipped Portuguese girl who devoured fashion magazines between classes and kept up with all the latest styles.
"My eyebrows aren't that bad," I protested as Lucy advanced on me with witch hazel, tweezers, and to my alarm, a tube of Anbesol. "Are they'?"