“You can’t hold me. I did nothing wrong, let go!” I kicked him.
Another officer appeared. “Ma’am, stop fighting us. We’re trying to help. You are not stable—”
Dad, please don’t send me way! I’m not crazy! Dad!
Stop fighting. Stop fighting, Felicity. We’re here to help!
I don’t know where it came from, but I remembered the men coming into my house and dragging me away, while my father and his family stood in the doorway, shaking their heads at me. He’d thrown me away—no.
That one memory took all of the fight out of me.
“Ms. Ford, we are going hold you due to suspicions you are on a mind-altering substance and for disorderly conduct.”
I stopped paying attention, just nodding as they led me away.
Biting my lower lip, I tried not to cry. Nothing made sense, and my heart hurt. I wanted to go home. I wanted them to stop asking me questions and stop touching me. I didn’t know what they were searching for, but I had nothing on me. I had run out with nothing but the clothes on my back. Even when they proceeded to take my fingerprints, I couldn’t find the voice to speak. All I wanted to do was lie down, and when they put me in the cell, that’s what I did. As I lay my head on the hard blue bench, the tears came. Only an hour ago, I’d felt like I had reached the top of the world, only to be kicked off.
I want to die.
I should never have gone out with Cleo and Mark that night. I should have never have tried to dance. I should have stayed on my own. This was my fault. Why did I try so hard to get better? My life was not sunshine and rainbows. I’d fucked up.
“Ma’am, have you taken any drugs maybe you were not aware of?”
I glanced up through the bars at the female officer. “No, I didn’t. I don’t do drugs.”
“Do you have any family I can call?”
I told her Mark’s number since Cleo most likely still hadn’t paid her phone—
“Miss, that number is disconnected. If you don’t have anyone we can call, you’ll end up having to stay here for the weekend. You don’t want that, do you?”
Theo’s face flashed in my mind, and I turned my head. I didn’t want to see him. Of all the times Mark and Cleo’s phones would be off, it had to be today. I had no one else.
“Miss?”
The only other person I knew to call was Rosemary, so I give them her number before going to sleep.
12:05 a.m.
“Ms. Ford, your boyfriend is here to pick you up,” the guard said, opening the door. As I sat up, I ran my hands through my hair, trying to adjust my eyes to the light.
Wait.
“Boyfriend?”
“Yes. Come, let’s go.” She linked arms with me, helping me up.
My body felt heavy, but I followed her, limping because my legs were so sore. When we got to the front of the station, a few police officers shook their heads at me as I went by. I saw Theo, his face hard, devoid of all emotion, signing his name. I hated how he looked up at me with so much sadness in his eyes.
“I asked for Rosemary,” I murmured.
“She’s in Hawaii. So she called me.”
One of the officers handed me back a bag. In it were my earrings, the shirt around my waist that must have fallen off, and a watch.
“Is that all?” Theo asked the older man behind the corner.
The man nodded. “Yeah. Just go. And lady, please get some help. You can’t come into a police station and start yelling.”
“Sorry,” I said in shame, hugging the bag to my chest.
Theo tried to reach for my hand, but I pulled away. He led me out the double doors and into the waiting car. Nolan gave me a polite nod in the rearview mirror.
I rested my head against the window, seeing his reflect in the glass. He didn’t try to touch me. He didn’t say anything at all. Instead, he stayed on his side, pulling off his tie, leaning back in his seat.
I couldn’t take the silence, though. God only knew what he thought of me. “Thank you for coming. If you had to pay bail, I’ll work to pay you—”
“Why did you go to the police station?” He cut me off, finally turning to look at me.
“I figured they would able to pull up juvie records.”
He sighed softly. “But you never went to juvie, Felicity.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that!” I yelled. “I went to Nidorf Juvenile Detention Center when I was sixteen. I met Cleo Owens there the following year. When she was released, her cousin Mark took us in.”
Nolan up front. “Nolan, when you came to pick me up the first time, I was on the balcony. Mark was the man who called down to you and said I’d be ready in a few minutes. You said ‘Yes sir!’ You saw him, don’t you remember?”