"So much for it being better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven," I said, pleased with my own wit. "Of course, I think we're going to see a lot more in Mei's career. She might be so-so in power, but she's got a plan."
"Have you noticed how she's a lot less scary alone?" asked Cody.
"It was the matching clothes," said Peter sagely. "When they dressed alike, it was too much like those girls from The Shining."
More laughter and conversation ensued, though I eventually grew quiet and simply listened. Maybe I could be the life of the party, like Seth had said, but this group could do okay without me. I took a certain amount of contentment by being back with them and having our lives returned to normal-such as they were. I could never be human again, but these were the people I wanted to be damned with.
At one point, I got up to trade my empty glass for water and discovered Hugh had followed me into the kitchen. He still looked troubled. The others were laughing and talking, providing cover for our conversation.
"What's going on?" I asked. "I thought you'd be happy."
"I am, I am," he said. "Believe me, I am. God, that was miserable."
I couldn't help a smile. Hugh had hit his stride with being a lesser immortal. He was past the novice stages of Cody and Tawny and could fully reap the benefits of his position. However, he wasn't old enough to have acquired all the jaded centuries Peter and I had. Out of all of us, I didn't doubt that Hugh had suffered the most.
"Then what's going on?"
He hesitated, and again, I was struck by how out of character he was behaving. "Georgina, has Seth done anything … bad lately? Rob a bank? Cheat on taxes?"
"Of course not," I said, more confused than ever.
"Has he … or well … did he do anything, uh, bad with you?"
To my chagrin, I blushed. You'd think nothing would make a succubus self-conscious, but I still tried to maintain that line between my private and business sex lives. My silent response was enough for Hugh.
"Fuck."
"What?" I asked. "We did it when I was in stasis. I didn't take any of his energy. I didn't shorten his life. And we haven't done it since Jerome came back. It's over. He's back with Maddie."
Hugh raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"I realized how impossible it was for us and convinced him to go back to her. I really laid on the guilt." Just mentioning what had happened made me ache all over again.
"I'm sure you did," Hugh said dryly.
"What do you mean?"
"Georgina … " He sighed. "There's no easy way to explain this. When I first met Seth, his soul was like … a supernova. It lit up a room. That guy had such a generous spirit, it was insane."
Had.
"And now?" The answer was slowly creeping in on me.
"Now, there's a shadow on him. A stain on his soul. He cheated on Maddie with you … and is back with her, keeping that from her … "
The room started swaying, and I forced myself to focus on Hugh. "What we did, it wasn't sleazy. We are … were … in love. It was sweet-that is, it meant something."
"Maybe it did, sweetie. Maybe the planets aligned when you made love. But regardless of what happened between you, he wronged her-and he feels it now. That sin is darkening his soul."
"How dark?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper now. "If he were a hit by a car right now … "
Hugh's face was both hard and sad. "He'd head right to Hell."
"Oh my God." I collapsed back against the counter. "I didn't think … didn't realize … "
Since I hadn't been a succubus, I hadn't been thinking like one. I hadn't worried about shortening his life or exhausting him because there was no need. While I'd known we were both deceiving Maddie and had felt a fair amount of guilt over it, I'd never considered it in terms of damnation. I'd turned off that part of my life, the part of being a succubus that counted and tallied souls-the main part of my job.
Which was stupid of me. Humans didn't need us to sin. They did it all the time on their own and did just as good a job-if not better-than we could. I didn't have to be a succubus to make Seth sin. I could have been any woman, any woman he'd had an affair with. Sin was subjective, too, and different people would feel it differently. For someone like Seth, doing what he did would leave a harsh mark-and me making him feel guilty about it hadn't helped.
"This is worse," I said. I laughed, but it was the kind of hysterical laughter that could segue to tears at any moment. "It would have been better if we'd had sex when we were dating. I'd have taken years off his life, but his soul would have stayed pure-and that's what matters in the long run. Instead, I was so adamant about refusing to do it … and now look. Look what I did."