“I want to know why you were so stupid and broke up with him.”
The fork fell from my hands and clattered onto the table. “How did you know we broke up?”
He jerked his chin at the window on the far wall. That’s when I realized that he’d been able to hear everything that was said out on the porch. “It had to be done,” I replied, picking the fork back up.
“No. It didn’t.”
“We’re not having this conversation, okay? You need to eat your pancakes.”
“You can’t throw away happiness with both hands and expect me not to have anything to say about it.”
I shook my head. “Please. I don’t want to talk about this. Can’t we just have a nice breakfast together while thinking about how wonderful it’s going to be getting you outside?”
“Keep deflecting your feelings, sweetheart, and you’ll wake up and realize you’ve missed out on a lot of living.” When I started to once again for a subject change, Daddy held up one of his fingers. “Just promise me that you’ll think long and hard about what you’ve done with William.”
“Fine, Daddy. I will.”
“Good.” He smiled. “Now give me some more of those delicious pancakes.”
I returned his smile. “That’s more like it.”
It was quite a production getting Daddy into the straight back wheelchair. We had to be careful of the oxygen tubes and catheter tubes. Daddy was quick to joke not to pull too hard on the catheter because the last thing he needed was to lose his penis. Only my father could still keep his teenaged boy sense of humor in the face of his illness.
Once we finally got him settled and out the door, Ansel pushed the wheelchair along the uneven terrain down to the barn. I winced at each and every bump that jostled Daddy. He didn’t seem to mind too much. Instead, his head turned from side to side as if he was desperately trying to take everything in.
Although the horses were down in the pasture, Ansel still took Daddy through the barn. I knew he would want to see his wall of belt buckles. I was right. The moment he saw them illuminated on the wall, his eyes lit up. “I think I almost forgot just how many competitions I won.”
“You were the boss, Daddy,” Ansel said with pride.
Daddy smiled. “I sure was, wasn’t I?” He sat just staring at all the buckles. Then his eyes raked over the pictures. “Can I have that one of Maggie?”
“Sure. One sec.” I reached up and took down the picture of my mother barrel racing.
After I sat it in his lap, Daddy ran his fingers over the glass. “She sure was something. All piss and vinegar.” He glanced up at me. “Just like you.”
I laughed. “I’m glad to have inherited her sassiness.”
“Oh, she was a sassy one all right. She knew just how to put me in my place and make me toe the line.”
With a wink, I said, “Maybe you had a bit of submissiveness in you.”
Daddy grinned. “Maybe I did.”
Ansel snorted with disgust. “Would you two please stop? The last thing I want to hear about is my dad’s sex life.”
“One day a long time ago, I was real rounder. But Maggie chased me down and roped me just like one of her steers,” he mused.
“She wasn’t the only one chasing you down. My mom did a pretty good job, too,” Ansel countered.
“That’s true. She did. I didn’t have a long time with either of my wives, but they both gave me something wonderful before they left.”
Ansel groaned. “Great. Now you’re getting all mushy. Can we go on out to the pasture before I totally have my man card revoked with all this Lifetime bullshit?”
I knew that the emotions were getting to Ansel, and he was dealing with them in the only way he knew how to. By being a little douchebag. “Fine, fine. Let’s go.”
When I started to take the picture, Daddy shook his head. “I’d like to put this one in my room.”
“Okay. But are you sure you want to keep it on your lap?” I asked.
“I’m positive.”
Since he wasn’t a man to be argued with, I motioned for Ansel to take Daddy on outside. We rolled along over to the main fence. The first horse we came across was one of the older mares—a black American Quarter horse named Belle.
Ansel got Daddy as close to the fence as he could. Always a friendly horse, Belle stuck her head through the slats to nuzzle Daddy’s legs. He brushed his hands across her muzzle. “Hey girl. How you been?” he asked.
As if she knew what he was saying, Belle whinnied a response. After petting her as best he could with his gnarled hands, Daddy looked up at me. “Why don’t you ride Belle around the ring?”
“Really?”
He smiled. “Just because she’s old, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a good ride or two left in her.”
I returned his smile. “You’re right.” I looked into the fence at Belle. “Looks like you and I are going to take us a little ride.” I walked down to the fence opening. Belle must’ve anticipated me because she was there to meet me when I stepped into the fence. She was had been the last gift my father had ever given my mother. She had been killed two weeks after he’d surprised her with the pony. She was special because of that, and then she was the first horse I learned to ride on.
“Come here, old girl,” I said, as I eased her out of the paddock. Considering her age, I wouldn’t bother her with a saddle or bridle. I could trust her to let me ride her bareback.
Grabbing her mane, I hoisted myself up and onto her back. Once I was seated, I kept one hand wrapped in her mane while the other I placed on her neck. Gently, I squeezed my legs against her flank. “Let’s go.”
Belle began to slowly trot along the fence line. As I rode her, I couldn’t help thinking of the last time I’d been on horseback. It had been when William needed a riding lesson. If I closed my eyes, I could still feel the warmth and firmness of his body pressed against mine. The way his arms felt as they wrapped around me to hold the reins. I didn’t want to admit it to Daddy or to myself, but I missed William. More than anything, I loved him, and that caused a constant ache to reside in my chest.
When I opened my eyes, I looked at Daddy, and my chest was filled with another ache caused by love. I knew he wasn’t just seeing me riding Belle, but he was thinking of my mother. After all the years, he still loved her with every fiber of his being. Even though William and I weren’t separated by death, I couldn’t help wondering if I would love him for the rest of my life.
As I made another loop, I slowed down when I got closer to Daddy and Ansel. “You’re looking great, honey, but I’m getting a little tired. I think I need to get in,” Daddy said.
“Okay. That’s fine.” When I started to get off, Daddy shook his head. “You go on and ride her for a little bit. Ansel can get me back to the house.”
“Are you sure?” After Daddy and Ansel both nodded, I said, “Okay. I’m going to take her to the end of the pasture and back.”
Daddy smiled. “That’s sounds good. I can’t thank you enough for today, sweetheart. It sure was wonderful to get out again.”
“It was my pleasure. Well, Ansel’s and my pleasure.”
“See you back at the house,” Ansel said.
“Bye. Love you!” I called, as I squeezed Belle’s sides, urging her forward. Considering how gorgeous the day was, it was made for riding. I took Belle along three miles of our property before turning back and heading for home.
Once I got to the fence gate closest to the barn, I eased off of Belle. As I patted her flank, I said, “Thanks for the ride, sweet lady. I’ll bring some carrots out for you in a bit.”
She once again appeared to know what I was talking about because she whinnied in approval. I laughed as I opened and closed the gate. When I got to the house, I found Ansel in the den watching television. “Is Daddy asleep?”
“I don’t think so. He was watching TV when I left him after we got in.”
“I should go in and check on him.”
“What about dinner?”
“What about it?”
Ansel rolled his eyes. “What are you going to cook?”
“Who said anything about me cooking?”
“Okay, fine. Pizza or Chinese?”
“Hmm, I’m thinking Chinese. Of course, you have to be the one that goes and picks it up.”
“Fine. I’ll risk going into town and having people point at me because I’m the brother of the freaky whip chick.”
I groaned. “Do people seriously say that?”
“Just once,” Ansel replied.
I hoped that it was only once, and he wasn’t trying to spare my feelings. “Whatever. I’ll go see what Daddy wants.” I made a pit-stop in the laundry room, picking up a basket of Daddy’s clothes before I headed down the hall and into Daddy’s bedroom. “Hey Daddy, Ansel and I were thinking about Chinese for supper. What do you think?” I went over to the chest of drawers and started putting away some clothes.
Glancing over my shoulder, I saw where Daddy’s head drooped to the side and was tucked to his chest. He must’ve gone to sleep watching his movie. I knew he had to be worn out from his excursion outside, and I hated to wake him. I patted his leg. “Daddy, I know you want to sleep, but you need to eat. So tell me what you want from the Chinese place?”