I watch her to see if there are any signs she is softening, but there are none.
"Yes, he's screwed up badly, but that's after seven wonderful years. I can't just walk away the first time something goes wrong. He deserves a second chance."
"Live in denial if it helps you. Nigel is no good."
I squeeze the metal buckle of my handbag until it hurts. "Nigel is truly sorry and he's promised me that he's going to get professional help."
Another waitress approaches us, and Rosa turns around and growls at her. "In your professional opinion does it look to you like we're ready to order?"
The poor girl backs off with a shocked expression.
"Will you please calm down, Rosa. You're making a scene," I whisper.
"Just listen to yourself! He's a bloody liar. I don't believe he's going to change for one instant. You dig him out of this hole and he'll find himself back in another as soon as he can. Someone who started gambling recently doesn't lose this kind of big money. He's obviously been gambling for God knows how long!"
By now Rosa has become so agitated the table next to us can barely keep their focus on their food.
"Let's not do this now," I urge. My heart feels heavy. I am frightened. Afraid that I have been fooling myself. Afraid that she is right. Terrified that my father was right all along. And I'm not even allowing myself to think of what will happen when I meet the Russian.
"When are you going to face the truth, Star? Your husband has saddled you with his bullshit and you want to apologize for him and expect me to say nothing. What would you do if our positions were reversed?"
The couple at the next table stand up to leave. The woman swings by our table. "For what it's worth, I think your friend is right," she tells me.
I look up at her, surprised.
"If my husband had done that to me, I'd let the Russian break his gambling legs. That'll teach him a lesson," she says heartily, and moves away.
"So what are you going to do now?" Rosa asks.
"I'm going to go to the Russian tonight."
"Tonight?" she explodes. She's so shocked she almost jumps out of her chair. "You're as crazy as your husband."
"It may seem like I'm crazy, but I love my husband, Rosa. Whatever you might think of him, he has taken care of me, good care of me, for the last five years."
I feel myself begin to choke up and swallow hard.
"And as hard as it might be for you to believe Nigel really did try everything in his power to stop me from going tonight, but I have no choice. It's all very well saying he needs a good beating, but the truth is we have no savings or assets squirrelled away, and there is no equity in our house, so we need all the earnings that Nigel brings in. If Nigel doesn't bring in his paycheck I won't be able to keep my father in the hospital." As soon as I think of my father my eyes fill with tears and start rolling down my face.
Rosa deflates suddenly. She comes around to my side and hugs me tight. "I'm sorry, babe. I'm such an insensitive witch sometimes."
"It's okay. I know I'd probably say the same things to you if the shoe was on the other foot," I sniff.
She crouches down beside my chair. "Do you know anything about this guy? You can't just go in blind. He could be a sadist, or anything."
"He has drawn up a contract. Everything we do has to be consensual."
Something flashes in Rosa's eyes.
"What?"
"You won't like what I was thinking."
"Doesn't matter. Just say it, anyway."
"The Russian sounds more fair than your husband. What else do you know about him?"
"I only know what Nigel told me. He's six feet four and very fit."
Rosa sits back on her heels and stares at me.
"What?"
"Jesus, Star. You're going to have sex with a six-feet tall, very fit billionaire."
I frown. "And … "
"That's my fucking ideal guy."
I blink. "Are you serious?"
She grins. "Of course, I am. You know what I always say. When a door closes God always leaves a window with a faulty hinge. Nigel is no good and this could well be Fate's way of getting you out of his clutches."
"I don't think that's funny, Rosa."
"I wasn't trying to be funny. Serves Nigel right that you'll finally get to spread your wings somewhere else. Quite frankly, I'm beginning to think that this is the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Ever since you met that creep you've been walking around with blinkers on your eyes. This will be good for you. You're being forced to interact with a real man and you'll see Nigel as he really is. A lying, shallow, rotten to the core, self-obsessed Svengali."
"I'm afraid, Rosa," I whisper.
"Don't be, sweetie. Trust me. Something good will come out of this."
I bite my lip to stop it from trembling.
"Remember when I went to New York to work as an intern for Vogue and those bitchy women there who just hated my guts? The first time I made a mistake one of them fired me on the spot. Just like that. I ran to the washroom in tears. I thought my life was over."
She smiles at the memory.
"The woman cleaning the toilets was this big black mama. We'd just exchanged smiles until then. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I'd been fired. ‘Lawwwd, Lawwwd. Folk crazy. Never you mind them stuck up hoes, child. You'll find another job,' she dismissed cheerfully. ‘What if I end up homeless and living in the streets?' I wailed. And you know what she told me?"
"What?" I asked, intrigued, in spite of all my troubles.
"Well, I've never forgotten it. She said, ‘And what an amazing adventure that will be.' Ever since then, I've learned to see everything new as a new adventure. Sometimes we are so comfortable in our little cages that someone has to come along, rip open the door and destroy the whole cage before we will look around us and realize that there is a whole world out there outside our little cage."
I stare at her. "You're serious? You think this is some sort of … opportunity?"
"Yes, I do. Anything that gets you away from Nigel's influence for even a brief time can only be good for you."
Outside, the sun starts shining through the clouds.
"I should go back," I say softly.
She stands and beckons to the waitress she growled at earlier. The girl comes towards us hesitantly. Rosa smiles at her. "We won't be eating today, but this is for you. I can be a right bitch sometimes, but my bark is worse than my bite," she says, and hands the girl a twenty-pound note.
The girl's eyes widen. "Thank you, very much," she says happily, and heads back to her station with a spring in her step.
I touch Rosa's hand. "I know I seem weak and naïve to you, but I truly do love Nigel."
"I know you think that, but I'm not sure what you feel for him is love. The sooner you realize it the better."
"I'm sorry Nigel was rude to you, Rosa."
"You're not responsible for that prick. Don't apologize on his behalf."
"I love you, Rosa."
"Me too. Never forget that I'm always here for you, okay?"
I nod.
"I want you to get the address of this guy and text it to me before you leave tonight. When you get there, I want you to send me a text and tell me that everything is all right. And if you need for anything. Anything at all. At any time, day or night. Just call me."
I nod again. Maybe this is all I wanted. To know that Rosa knows where I am. Rosa, whom I trust more than Nigel, to know exactly where I am if anything goes wrong.
Chapter Eleven
Star
When I get back home, Nigel is in the front room slumped on the sofa. The atmosphere is tense and strange, and there is an open bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.
"You switched your phone off," he says, standing up and coming to me. His hair is ruffled and his face is pale and stressed. I've never seen him look so unhappy and depressed. "Why?"
"I didn't want to speak to anybody." My voice is wooden.
"Where have you been?"
"Out," I say briefly.
There is a flash of something in his eyes. "Where?"
I want to say, none of your business, but I can't. This is my Nigel. My hero for so many years. Turns out my idol has feet of clay, but he is still my husband. "I met Rosa for coffee," I reply, as I brush past him to go upstairs.
"Did you tell her about me?" he asks in a strange tone.
I turn around to look at him, surprised that he'd even ask. "Yes."
"I bet she was delighted," he says bitterly.
"Why on earth would you think that?"
"Because that woman is insanely jealous of you. She has been ever since we hooked up."
For the first time since I met Nigel I look at him and I don't see my knight in shining armor, but a terribly flawed man. "What a strange idea. Rosa's not jealous of me at all. She has a wonderful life and if she had to exchange places with me she would go crazy with boredom."