"I swear I'm not joking, Granddad."
"Crikey, lass. That's a whole heap of money." He holds the phone away and shouts for my nan.
When she comes on the phone it gets a lot more colorful and we end up laughing like crazy.
That afternoon, Andrei drives me to a very exclusive boutique in Notting Hill. As soon as I enter, a beautiful woman with glossy dark hair, and wearing a glamorous, two-tone dress, stands up and greets me. She must be in her thirties, or even older, but she is as well preserved as a Hollywood celebrity.
"Hello, you must be … Star." Her voice is throaty and she is not English.
"Yes. That's me."
"And you're looking for a special outfit," she says with a smile, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes. She looks at me with a knowing, almost pitying expression.
"Yes," I say carefully.
"Come with me and I'll show you what we have in the way of very exclusive, one off designs. Some of them are practically off the catwalks." She walks me to the back of the shop. "I have picked out something special that I think will suit you very well."
She takes me to a curtained off area where there are two dresses on the rack. "I think the red one would be perfect on you," she says.
I walk up to it and touch it. Something is bothering me. I don't like this woman, and I don't want to buy anything from her.
"You'll look beautiful in it. Niko likes his women in red."
Niko.
I don't get to call him that. I don't turn around. I know now what is bothering me. Either she was, or still is, his lover. He sent me to buy a dress from one of his lovers! What an unfeeling bastard. Somehow that hurts me. Really deeply. I don't know why it does, but it does. The air feels thick and poisoned and I feel as if I can't breathe. I turn around.
"I'm sorry, but I'm suddenly not feeling very well. I'll have to come back another day."
She frowns. "Oh?"
I start walking away from her. I can't even bear to look at her. He's been touching her, holding her, entering her body. I quicken my pace and open the door. Outside, Andrei looks at me funnily.
"Are you all right?"
"Yes. Can you take me back please?" I croak.
He walks to the car and opens the back-passenger door for me. I slip in and he shuts it and goes around the front. Less than five minutes later my phone rings.
"What's the matter?" Nikolai asks.
"Nothing. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me."
There is silence on the other end.
"Where are you going now?"
"Back to the house."
"Do you need a doctor?"
"No. I'm fine. Really."
"Do you want Bella to send over some dresses for you?"
"No," I say quickly. "Don't bother her. I think I have something I can wear.
"All right. I'll see you at the house later this evening."
"Okay."
I lean back against the seat feeling strange. What is the matter with me? Why did I react so badly just because that woman and he were lovers in the past? Oh my god. What if they are still lovers? My stomach starts churning. I feel physically sick. I clutch my stomach and take deep breaths and the feeling goes away. I stare out of the window. Why don't I feel happy? I've just achieved my biggest dream.
As we get to Victoria, Rosa calls.
"How is the soon to be published author?" she asks.
"She's fine," I say, and my voice wobbles.
"What's the matter?" she demands immediately.
"I wanted to buy a dress, but the owner of the boutique was one of Nikolai's lovers so I got out of there fast, and now I don't have anything to wear tonight," I sob. I know that is not the reason I'm upset, and saying it like that makes me sound like a spoilt brat, but I don't want to face any unpleasant truths right now. I'm too afraid to look down into the abyss. I'm terrified of what I will see.
For a few seconds there is a shocked silence from Rosa's side. I have never behaved this way before. "Look," she says. "A really gorgeous black and gold Dior came in yesterday. It's for a fashion shoot next Monday. It'll be perfect for you. Want to borrow it?"
"Oh, my god, yes," I sob. By now tears are running down my face.
"I'll come around about six," she says.
"Okay."
"Have you got gold shoes?"
"I've got black."
"Sandals?"
"Mmmm."
"That'll do."
"Thanks, Rosa," I sniff.
"Hey. You know what?"
"What?"
"For the first time ever I know that everything is going to work out for you."
"Why do you say that?"
"Just trust me on this one. I can see things you can't. You don't have to do anything. Just let everything happen in its own time."
"What do you mean?"
"Go with the flow and you'll see what I mean. See you later."
Chapter Forty-Four
Star
"Holy Mother of God!" Rosa says, her eyes as big as saucers, when I meet her in the hallway.
"And he bought the house next door for his staff," I whisper.
"Now why can't I find a man like that for me?" she says with a dramatic sigh.
"Come on, let's go upstairs."
I take her to my room and she lays the zipped up clothes carrier on the bed and looks around her. "So: this is how the super-rich live."
"The weird thing is all this doesn't attract me at all. I've never wanted this. I still don't. I want a nice house, a family, and a man who loves me to death."
"Well, why can't you have that and this?"
"I think when you have this much money you think you deserve more than one woman. There's so much choice. So many women throwing themselves at you. It must take a saint to say no."
"Oh, I don't know. I think I can totally rock being with a billionaire. So many people to boss around. Delicious."
I laugh. "God, you're bad enough at Christmas when you sit there with a mug of tea like a Queen and order Cindy and me around until we get your Christmas tree exactly the way you want it. And that thing with the lights."
"Yes, I do love my Christmas lights." She grins.
There is a knock on the door.
I run to it and open it. Yana is outside.
"Can I get your guest something to drink?" she asks.
I turn around to Rosa. "Want anything to drink?"
"Double vodka and orange juice. Go easy on the juice."
"And I'll have a Gin and Tonic please," I tell Yana.
She nods and withdraws.
"Come and look at your dress then," Rosa says, unzipping the gray plastic covering.
She pulls the dress out and I gasp.
"Oh, Rosa. It's gorgeous but I can't wear that. It's a mini."
"What do you mean? It's practically made for you."
I sit on the bed and look at her. "Rosa. That dress is practically made for you. You can carry off looking sexy while you're cleaning your toilet. I'm a mere mortal. I have thick thighs."
"You don't have thick thighs."
"I know I have thick thighs. Even Nigel says that."
"Nigel is an idiot."
"Regardless. I can't wear that."
"Yes, you can. The secret to looking sexy while cleaning your toilets is confidence. Now stop whining and get into this dress now," she says bossily.
She picks up the dress and turns it around so I can see the back. "Tell me this isn't the ultimate in luxury."
"Wow!" I say and walk up to it.
The dress is beautiful from the front. It is in two parts. The top is entirely beaded with gold crystals. It is classy with a high A-line neckline and a cute flirty short skirt, but the back is something else. It is sexy and luxurious. It leaves the wearer's back bare but for two strips of delicate gold lace that run down to the skirt.
Helga, one of the staff, knocks on the door and enters with our drinks.
"Thank god," Rosa says and takes a long sip.
She sits on the bed propped by pillows and crosses her ankles. "Go on then. Put it on."
There is no use trying to argue with Rosa when she gets like this, so I quickly undress and put the dress on.
"What do you think?" I ask uncertainly. I've never worn something this short since I was a kid.
"Hold your hair up," she orders.
I bunch my hair and hold it at the top of my head.
"Turn around."
I obey.
"Stunning. You'll blow his mind."
I walk over to the mirror and look at myself. The dress is beautiful, but honestly … I'm not sure I can carry it off.
Rosa appears in the mirror beside me. "Star, do you think I'd send you out of this house if I didn't think you could take on every woman who glances at Nikolai with greedy eyes?"
I shake my head.
"Exactly. Trust me. I do this for a living. I know what I am talking about."
"Rosa?"
"Mmmm."
"You said Nikolai dates models, didn't you?"
She nods. "Yeah, he likes models. So?"
"All his relationships don't last, do they?"