I can't look him in the eye. I can't tell him that Nigel kissed me. My eyes slide away.
Very gently he lays his finger on my lower lip and inserts it into my mouth.
"Suck my finger," he orders.
I want to resist but I just can't. My body wants to do it.
"Look into my eyes."
I force myself to meet his eyes. Twin fires are burning in them.
"This mouth belongs to me. If you dare let any other man touch it, I will kill him. Do you hear me?"
I nod helplessly.
"Good." He pulls his finger out.
I am frightened of him, but I am wet between my legs. He lets go of my throat and steps away from me.
"Strip," he orders.
I don't even attempt to disobey. My hands are shaking as they fumble with the buttons of my shirt. His eyes never leave me. I shrug out of my shirt and let it fall to the floor. His phone vibrates in his jacket. He completely ignores it. I unzip my skirt, push it down my hips, and let it fall down my legs. I take off my bra. My heart is beating really fast. I let my bra drop. His eyes are like lasers. My hands cover my breasts.
"Like Eve. You learned shame?"
"Don't do this," I beg.
"Strip."
The word is like a bullet in the silence.
Casting my eyes down I take off my last article of clothing.
"Look at me."
I raise my eyes.
He watches me closely. Without lust. Without longing. As if I'm a piece of furniture he has bought and he is checking for scratches.
"I'm sorry, okay. I won't go and see him anymore," I blurt out.
"Sorry? Who do you think I am? Your priest? You do something you know is wrong and you go to confession to ask for forgiveness so you can do it all over again tomorrow with a clear conscience." There is raw anger in his voice.
"All right. You've humiliated me now, okay. What else do you want from me?"
He undoes his belt and unzips his trousers. "I want you to suck me off, Princess."
My mouth opens in shock. "I'm not a whore."
"You're not a whore? Why are your eyes dilated then?"
"They're not," I deny.
"Princess, you can fight me all you want and pretend until the cows come home, but your mouth is watering for my cock."
I bite my lower lip. I hate him. I hate that he makes me feel the things I feel. When I am with him I feel like an animal. So cheap, and base, and ugly.
"It's your own fault, anyway. Look how hard you've made me," he says and takes his cock out.
I stare at it. It is throbbing for me. As if I am hypnotized I go forward and kneel in front of him. I take his cock in my hands. As soon as my fingers touch him I feel his body tremble.
As I open my mouth he rakes the fingers of both his hands into my hair and grabs my head. "That's right, Princess. Get me off. Make me forget that you went to see another man."
Pre-cum smears on my tongue as he pushes his cock into my mouth.
I swallow it with relief, close my eyes and moan. The taste of him to obliterate the taste of my husband. How can I admit how much I hated my own husband's touch?
I start sucking him deeply. He grips my hair tighter and pushes all the way down to my throat. I look up at him from beneath my eyelashes.
"Fuck you, Star," he growls. "Fuck you!"
I lick the underside of his cock and alternate with a sucking motion.
Greedily I milk the thick drops of cum that slide down my throat. The angry veins underneath his cock throb and pulsate on my tongue.
I stroke the bit of his cock that I cannot get into my mouth. Sucking his cock feels good. I swallow it as deep and as hard as I can.
"Play with yourself, Star. Show me how dirty you can be. Open your thighs wide and play with yourself."
I slide my hand between my legs and start to play with myself. I am so wet and swollen. I'm afraid I will climax before him. It's never happened to me before, but I'm going to climax while sucking cock. I slow my trembling hand down.
"Don't slow down," he orders. "I want you to cum while my cock is in your mouth."
I speed up and almost immediately a monster of an orgasm rips through me. I lose control of my muscles. My mouth opens in a strangled scream and my hands instinctively go around his thighs. As I come back down I gently suck on his cock as if it is a pacifier. It is my pacifier. I could go to sleep with his cock in my mouth.
He looks down on me. A possessive, cruel, expression on his face.
Then he starts fucking my mouth. Hard and rough. His cock choking me. I don't protest. No, to the contrary. I enjoy watching him lose control.
He is like a beast, a bull that is let out of its pen. He thrusts deep into my throat, and with a roar starts to climax. Not the way he usually does, but with a kind of pent-up fury. In a frenzy. I swallow the hot spurts eagerly. Finally, my orgasm is over. He stops bucking his hips. His chest rises and falls as he takes deep breaths. I look up at him and he is looking down at me. There is an odd expression on his face.
"Go take a shower," he tells me. His voice is hard and cold again.
I pull my mouth away from his cock, stand, and get dressed. Without looking back at him I go upstairs to my room and into my bathroom.
I switch on the shower and stand under the waterfall. Drops of water rush around me. I feel the first sob come so quietly. It is lost in the roar of the water. The second sob shakes my shoulder. I don't know why I'm crying, but it feels as if my heart is breaking.
I feel trapped. I'm married to Nigel and in an unexplainable sexual bind with Nikolai. I made a promise to Nigel. All said and done Nigel loves me. Nikolai, on the other hand, almost hates me. To him I am a thing.
In a month's time he will change me for someone else.
I cry because I am hurt. I cry because I don't understand what is happening to me. Why I am so addicted to Nikolai's body. This wild lust swirling around inside me confuses me and frightens me. It feels foreign. The shower door behind me opens suddenly.
I whirl around.
Nikolai is standing there. He comes in wearing all his clothes, even his shoes. He holds me against his chest and I sob. I really sob. When my sobs subside. He gets on his knees. Into the exact same position he had put me in. He parts my thighs.
Raking my fingers into his hair I pull him towards my crotch. Exactly as he had done to me. I grind my clit against his tongue and face until I climax. When it's over I collapse backwards against the warm tiles.
The air is filled with steam but his eyes glitter like sad stars.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Nikolai
I stare at the director in shock. I know about men like him. Mama warned me about them when I was Pavel's age.
He smiles at me before gently taking his penis out. It is small, fat and white. He strokes it lovingly and it grows. A sigh escapes his thin lips. I stay frozen in my chair. He spreads the white handkerchief on his lap and carefully, tenderly, as if it is the most precious thing in the world, lays his penis on top.
"Just put your hand on me," he coaxes in a thick voice. "You can make your phone call after that."
I stare at the white worm and consider my options. He makes my skin crawl. I don't want to touch him but I need to make that phone call.
"Don't you want to call your uncle to come and take you and your brother away?" he asks.
I nod.
"So come on over and kneel down in front of me."
I stand and take the two steps that put me right in front of him.
"Go on. Get on your knees. The sooner you do this the quicker you can call your uncle."
I kneel in front of him.
He licks his lips "Do you think I have a nice cock?"
I look at it. It is smaller than mine, and definitely much smaller than my father's. As a matter of fact, it's hardly bigger than Pavel's. I nod slowly.
"Would you like to touch it?" he encourages softly.
I reach out my hand and touch it. The skin is smooth and warm.
"There. That wasn't so hard, was it? Why don't you put it in your mouth?"
I look up at him. "Why?"
"You can suck it. Just like a lollipop. It tastes very good."
He is the director. I am just one boy. An orphan. Mama and Papa don't even know where we are. Nobody cares about me. Nobody will believe my story. I will not get my phone call if I do not do as he asks. I will get punished. The strap will be used on me. Far easier to do what he asks. Then I will get my phone call and Pavel and I can leave this horrible place.
I look at the director's penis. It doesn't look like a lollipop, but it looks clean. Maybe it won't taste too bad.
I once heard my mother tell my father, "I worry about Nikolai. He will either be a great man or a convict. He is too hard-headed, too inflexible. He doesn't know how to live and let live. To compromise."
How right you were Mama.
I'm doing this for all the other boys. I bend my head to take his soft white penis in my mouth. I'll hurt him so bad he'll never be able to do this to anyone else ever again. As I open my mouth in preparation to bite down as hard as I can, the blow to my head is sudden, completely unexpected, and so extremely hard that my head jerks as if it is about to come off my neck. My teeth feel like they are vibrating.