"Do you like that?"
She nods.
I smile slowly and she shifts back nervously. She doesn't trust me.
I laugh.
Then when she is least expecting it, I grab the clamp and yank it off. Before she can scream I place my mouth on her clit and suck it hard, so the blood rushing to it will slow down, it will not feel as if her clit is being burnt off. Her pussy trembles as I suck her clit and finger fuck her.
Suddenly she cums. So fucking hard, her mouth opens in a silent scream and her body convulses so frenziedly she almost jerks out of my grip. She gushes all over my mouth, throat and chest, while I continue to suck her and work my fingers in her. Her orgasm just goes on and on.
In the end, she falls backwards and lies on my body, her silky hair spread over my cock. Her legs are wide open, her clit is swollen to twice its normal size, her pussy looks red and well used. A muscle is throbbing in it. I allow her to lie on me and recover for a few more minutes.
When she begins to shiver, I lift her and put her on the bed. Then I rise up. Standing over her, I turn her on her side and undo my tie. She sucks in a deep breath as her hands fall limply to the bed. There are red marks on her skin. I want to touch them, stroke them, kiss them, but I don't.
She turns back on her back and looks up at me. Her face is tear stained. She seems stunned, exposed, vulnerable. Something snaps inside me. I place my palm on her cheek and she rubs her face against my hand like a cat. The perfectly submissive action makes my cock hard again. I withdraw my hand.
"Who do you belong to?" I snarl.
"You," she whispers, as a single tear escapes out of one of her eyes and rolls down her temple.
I turn around and walk away from her.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Star
I don't sleep for hours after he leaves me. I lay on the bed, my nipples and clit throbbing, and stare blankly at the ceiling. What is happening to me? I've never been like this.
I think of Nigel. I think of our wedding. How proud I was of him. I remember our honeymoon. But none of it was ever like this. Sure we tried handcuffs and other toys, but most of the time I just wanted to giggle. At no time was it like this.
I sit up. My sex is so swollen I can't close my thighs properly. I walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My mascara is clumpy and I just look slutty and horrible. I hear my phone ping. My dad looked so well today that I am pretty sure it's not the hospital, nevertheless I hurry awkwardly to it.
It is Nigel.
I can beat this if I know you are there for me. Don't let go, Star. Don't let anything change. I love you.
I feel so confused I can't bring myself to answer him. Nikolai's shirt is lying on the floor and I pick it up and snuggle my face against it. The silky material feels cool against my heated skin.
He's nothing to you, Star.
I let the shirt drop to the ground, walk to the bed, and lie down in the dark. There are a couple more pings, but I don't get up to look at the phone. I just stay very still until I fall asleep.
When I go down the next morning Nikolai is nowhere to be found, but Celine is in the dining room. She jumps up with a big smile.
"Good morning," she greets cheerfully.
"Morning."
"Is everything all right with your room?"
I smile. "Yes. Thank you."
"Good. Can I order you something for breakfast?"
I stare at her for a few seconds. "Can I have a Russian breakfast today?"
"Sure. What would you like?"
"I think I'll have the Russian dumpling that's eaten either with sour cream or jam. I don't remember the name?"
"I know what you mean. I will tell the Chef. Be back in a sec," she calls and leaves the room.
I go and stand by the window. It is going to be a lovely day. Already the sun is high and bright and the air is hot. I hear her come in and turn around. "Where is Nikolai?"
"Mr. Smirnov had an early meeting."
I nod.
"Sophia, his secretary, has a list of literary agencies. She has already gone through it and picked out all the agencies that represent authors who write in the same genre as you. Mr. Smirnov thought that you could spend the morning crafting a letter for Sophia to send."
I smile. "Gosh. You are both very efficient. It would have taken me weeks to do that."
She looks pleased. "I try my best."
"Thank you. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome. If there is anything you would like me to do just ask."
"I think I'm good."
"Would you like to do some shopping after you see your father today?"
"No, I'll just come back here and write."
"Mr. Smirnov was saying that you can go back to Surrey this evening if you want to continue with your horse-riding lessons."
"Will he not be going?"
"I don't think so, but I'm not a hundred percent sure. I'll check with Sophia and let you know."
I feel an odd heaviness settling in my chest. It's better this way. The more time I spend with him the worse it is going to be. "No. It's okay. Don't worry about asking Sophia. I would like to go back to Surrey."
"Fine, I'll arrange that for you," she says with a happy smile.
After I hammer out a query letter, I tackle writing a CV of sorts. It unfortunately has to be very short on account of the fact that I have never worked a day in my life, and my talents are non-existent to say the least. It will have to do. I email everything to Celine. While I am deciding if I should go out to the garden for a while, Nigel texts me. I lock my bedroom door and call him back.
"Hey," he says, and I clutch the phone hard. His voice is familiar and warm. He loves me. When all this is over he will be there for me.
"Hi," I say softly.
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"Miss me?" he asks. His voice is wheedling. He needs to hear me say it, but I can't. Not after what I did last night with another man.
"Where are you?" I ask.
"At home."
"Why aren't you at work?"
"I didn't feel good. I'm seriously thinking of leaving my job. I need to get away from all those old familiar things that remind me of my old addiction. I need new places, new faces, and new experiences if I am to beat this."
"I'm glad to hear that you are taking your recovery process so seriously."
"Damn right I'm serious about this. Look what I've done, Star. I've nearly destroyed us. I made a mistake, but I've changed. I wish you could see me now. Two days in and I already feel so good and empowered."
"Imagine what you'll be like by the time I see you."
"I can't wait one month to see you, Star."
I lean against the bathroom door. "One month is not a long time."
"Fuck, if only you were in London and not in Surrey."
"I'm not in Surrey." I bite my tongue as soon as I say it.
"Where are you then?"
"London."
"What?"
"Yeah, I'm in Mayfair."
"Star. You've got to come and see me."
"No. Nikolai will be furious."
"For god's sake, I'm your husband."
"No. I can't come to you. It'll be a mess."
"Can't you just make an excuse and come over? Tell him you're going shopping or something?
"I can't go anywhere alone. I have to take the driver everywhere. He'll find out."
"What a control freak. Hang on, I have an idea. Why don't you call Rosa and ask her if we can use her flat for half-an-hour? You keep a key to her flat here don't you?"
"Yes, but-"
"Come on, Star. I just want to see you. It'll give me the strength to be strong. You're my rock. I need this. Please, Star. I may never get another chance to see you again for a month."
"Rosa's not going to like it."
"She's not that fucking selfish and petty, is she?"
I sigh.
"Please, Star. I just want to see you. Five minutes."
"I'll have to call Rosa first."
"I'll be waiting here."
I hang up and wince. I know it's a bad idea, but I can't say no to Nigel. Besides, it will be good for me to remind myself that Nigel is my husband. The one that I owe my allegiance and loyalty to. The one I'm doing all this for.
I call Rosa and at first she says no. She doesn't want Nigel in her apartment and it would make her vomit to think of him naked anywhere on her furniture.
I assure her that neither Nigel or me will be getting naked in her apartment and she reluctantly agrees. I call Nigel back and tell him where Rosa's key is. We agree to meet right after I have seen my dad.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Star
When I come down after seeing my dad I get into the car and, as casually as I can, tell Oleg that I need to go and see a friend. He nods politely and I give him Rosa's address.
"Wait here for me, please," I instruct, and quickly walk up the path to her building's entrance.
I'm so nervous my hands are shaking as I ring on the doorbell. Nigel buzzes me up immediately.